i've become what i can't be...

Home Links Music Playlist at MixPod.com Tagboard	Tuesday, October 27, 2009 \| 7:51 PM \| Top i have think it through...got to sort ways to achieve peace in my mind...its to be me :) haha this may sound stupid but i have to try...no more crazy stuff haha...stop thinking about useless stuff...gonna book in soon...this urban ops shud be quite fun :) Tuesday, 27th October 09 blog@1955hrs \| 2:41 PM \| Top well...yesterday after going home for dinner, came home with mum and i forget about going anywhere but to buy some beer to chill out aT my "old" place where i used to stay aT a staircase...smoke a few sticks with a few cans of beer...well its been like years and its like nothing change but only the way i live my life...maybe nothing had change at all ! its always be coz of someone that changes everything...from a normal family become an abnormal family living in a totally different enviroment...the love that i try to sort i now then realise its just that human closeness and that emptiness i'm trying to fill in...but why do i have to think that way ? i guess i'm crazy...i'm on the verge of breaking down...its just that when will it happen...maybe i'm just thinking too much...dunno why some time it seems like i'm getting hold of myself but some time i'll just do or thinking about something stupid why why why??~~~ slept early yesterday night and wake up very early tonight be4 8am...went to do some grocery with mum and had breakfast together....the she went home about 11am and i continue to watch my date with a vampire part 1...just cooked myself meggie mee with vegie, prawns and fishballs lol...while watching show...well i dun think i'll be signing on le...think i'll be going to k9 unit or stay at 8 SIR...wanted to faster come out to this society and i won't want to regret ever be4 i choose to do anything...there's no short cuts for everything...walk on stone is better than swim across coz i cant swim =.='' ...well had been wondering around the internet for quite some time and ermm hmm dunno what to say...i just miss my weekend outing and haha...just dunno why i've thousands of reason for not doing things that i suppose to do even if its just right in front of me...dun say suppose to do la...say about what i CAN do...haiz thousand and one regret all over my face lol ! i thought i've crawl out but it seems like i'm in another war zone now...when will this war ends?? well later going to meet Raymond at Kallang Mrt station and book in camp together and tml we'll be going to UO (urban ops) again for Wednesday and Thursday but this time we get to come back to camp and slack hmm and this si going to my last week of this course training... all i have to say is that i've always wanting to be with you but i still could not find the courage... i dun mind if its too late or not...to see you smile i'll be content... hypocrite indeed i am but isn't everyone is? what matter is how you think and what you want it to be... just wanna say...its been hell to me for the last 60days be4 i got enlisted... stop talking crap like even if we are together, we wont be like what we used to be... if you ever thinking of being together then why are you leaving me ? maybe you hinted me be4 but i choose not to admit... but i've done so much isn't that so obvious? i just could not find the courage... dun take drug anymore... its heart aching for me to see you vomit again... i will always remember... i will never forget... take care... Tuesday, 27th October 09 blog@1520hrs Monday, October 26, 2009 \| 6:48 PM \| Top well back to blog...again... friday got to book out and yes i went out to enjoy...met adeline yeo and one of her fren and we went to iluma's Suites to K and drink lots of beer...think wad we did most was drink and listen to songs rather than singing since we are at a karaoke and it seems a little funny but i dun mind...anyway i also did open up and speak with adeline and well...after we finish our drink there and we went home...i was too drunk so erm nvr bathe and boom! i go to bed hahawake up about 11am and watch show till around 12noon, i cook meggie mee with prawns haha yummy...and continue to watch show till evening and i was like so late already la and still at home coz i need to book in be4 8pm and it was already 7pm haha quickly do some laundry and bathe then off i go...took a cab and reach there just on time... yesterday was my ATP erm forgot what the word were but its a test on ur marksmanship and guess wad...***ing hell!! all i need is just 1 shot and i can get 200 buck le lor wa lau...night shoot is just too hard...cant see a think...hard to aim also...night shoot consist of twelve shots...the first half is that the target with lighting but the second half is like pitch black with just flashing lights and i could not even aim coz i could not even see my cross hair zzz i thought i nvr miss a single target and i was sooo happy until our Major break the scores to us and i was like NOOOO!!! i hit 28/36 target zzz JUST ONE MORE SHOT!!! argh!! ah haha nvm its ok anyway i'm happy that i pass my ATP if not i need to do reshoot...yesterday night book out around 1am and i was so lucky that my bunkmate is riding bike and he offer a ride and so i reach home be4 2am...we were like so shag la haha after reaching my area, we slack awhile...one stick and a can of red bull and off her go and i went to buy Macdonald for supper...reach home and watch my show again haha...slept about 4.33am... well today did nothing much but watch my show again haha...now i'm going back puggol for dinner and still thinking whether to go marina square there slack or not coz i'm too bored and like emo leh got things wanna say but just cant find someone to share with and it seems like i'm the total fool...maybe there is things which i dun wanna admit hmm well i shall see... gonna blag again soon...bye Monday, 26th October 09 blog@1911hrs Sunday, October 18, 2009 \| 6:55 PM \| Top ...yesterday is the day when i found myself to be the fool again zzz anyway after Elroy and vin reach my house, we went to Queens Town ikea just to buy desk rubber mat...after that went to the shopping centre coz elroy wanted a new shoes and went home after that...after finish my dinner with my mum that she brought from Punggol, i went to tiger's old place where he celebrate his birthday...met lots of old and new fren there and had a few beers with them...i went to meet cindy after he cut his birthday cake...well got to catch a movie with them again...the movie i watch was "Sorority" well its not a show to watch as you will find it waste of money... well when i just reach there i thought that Cindy would be with See Yee but to my suprise, she was with other guy erm soon after i realise that he's actually he's her BF!! WTF! after all this month chatting with her and i even told her how i fell towards her and this is the suprise she gave me?? omg...well this time i really give up on her already and to my suprise, whenever i chat with see yee and look at her, got this strange feeling and is really getting my nerves...really...i'm going crazy...found myself flirting around already and the feeling is damn fucked up and still dunno how and why...i'm really twisted inside already...but somehow i also felt lifted...dunno why...i'm stuck at a cross road, dunno which way to go...dunno whether i'm ready to go for it or not even i choose the road i'm taking...i'm kind off sick and tired of finding the LoVe* but instead i will return to the wait and see de wo(me)...well really lor haha just to think about how we know and met and become together really want to laugh out loud lor haha! well wad i mean is that itsa really happy one but not to mock that someone and hope that she dun misunderstand wad i mean here... :P well many thanks and sorry though and i shall not blog about it anymore... Just hope that you are happy ^__________^* well i think tml will be our ICCT ( Intermediate close combat training ) grading le...meaning its a test if its not, then i will be happy coz its just physically if not, a test will be tested on ur senses and technique...omg my buddy's arms are about to break already if its a test that they are talking about, i think the precious arm of his will really break thanks to me LOL! and after days of resting my whole body aCHES! haha! then it comes our shooting training, again...coz this coming weekend we will be doing a run down shoot and will be tested on ur aiming and will be reward with cash if u got marksmanship wooT! and this is wad i wanted and dream of!! wahaha i'm soo happy coz this coming week will be a slacking week too! haha hope so bah sigh well its already this late hmm i'm going to pack my stuff le...well till next time ! bye~ Sunday, 18th October 09 blog@1920hrs Saturday, October 17, 2009 \| 1:44 AM \| Top wow...time really fly fast...another 2 week in 2PDF is the end of my course already and there goes to my army life...another 1yr and 7 plus month to ORD...well though i had already sign on but the contract is still in the process and i'm having my second thought already...the feeling of cant wait to go back to study and thinking of doing things slowly...i dun want to take any furhter short cuts anymore coz its tiring for me...i've learn to do things with patience...step by step is more steady coz i cant be fast and smooth that way...only yo find myself falling every time... well this week was pwack with ICCT ( intermediate close combat training )...learn break fall and locks...well i fall till my whole body ache like anything...my finger and arms are about to break LOL! anyway its fun ! ... next week well...i'm going to get ready for my marksmanship examination ! yeaH! going for ATP and hope i get 32 out of 32 so that i can get extra 200 buck! haha well just book out and come back to my home straight...actually just now shud meet my bunkmate all but we find that its going to be a bit harsh and so we decided to cancel the outing and now at home doing some computer stuff...haiz hope that i can get to meet Cindy tml if not my saturday will be wasted...dunno why i keep dreaming about her...dreams are all just dream right? sigh...well gonna stop here le...tml i'm pack with events haha! will blog soon bye!~ Saturday, 17th October 09 blog@0155hrs Friday, October 9, 2009 \| 5:33 PM \| Top yo I'm back...this field camp is...tiring for me haiz i think the reason is lack of exercise :P anyway today i got to book out early and here i am...reach home at around 4 pm plus... well i guess this week I'm gonna be bored but well this is the time i get my rest :) but will still miss the night activity...Cindy they all are going to msia and I'm taking a break off from Elroy lol...this weekend I'm simply quite lonely...dunno why this week i keep dreaming about we patching up and always end up waking myself up half way through my sleep...its like having heart attack and being erm well too emotional i shud say for this week...but no matter what, after today, there will always be a tomorrow and what I've done will be yesterday and I'm so scared of what will happen next to me again...had been in lots of accident and carelessness this week...hell for me...all of my platoon mate had been telling me that I'm not as focus as it used to me the pass weeks...maybe I'm restless bah...coz uncle need more rest u know? haha and ya hope that Ck's tml most important date will come true and a happiest one for him :) well ck, no matter what there's always disappointment... but whatever it may be, if you know that you had done your best... it will be okay.... but if it turns out to be a good day and no disappointment... all the best to you then :) ya! haha my mum just came over with our lunch box brought over from punggol that my aunt cooked and dine together...after that, i went to play my guitar...i guess its out of tune and so i went to tune my guitar...and its like !! all my string are out of tune like one kind haha! but i have tuned it back and sound alright now haha...and guess what...i still cant even play a song yet...can only play half way but could not concentrate on the song la haha! sian no time to practice and is like rusty liaoz...and ya also hope that i can get to meet Bala(my snoooker instructor and also my previous unit platoon mate) and play snooker with him again :) hmm no matter what i got to tell myself that she's not here anymore...why every time i thought that i can but ended up all went wrong...what's wrong with me?? haiz Friday, 9th October 09 blog@1825hrs Sunday, October 4, 2009 \| 6:25 PM \| Top wa lau...today is really a "painful" day for me...hour by hour pass like this...to say something funny, i really feel like crying out loud some time haha! just now about 2pm went to beach road to get my field pack stuff coz this coming week i'll be going to out field...hope that i can book out this coming Friday EARLY! just hope that i can book in on Monday coz only got to go enjoy my day on Saturday night but what about Sunday?? book in lor zzz sian...only if i can book out everyday and go out find frens, watch movie or even chill with them i'm very happy already...if not, every time like this sitting at home doing nothing...just wanted to do something meaningful on my every book out and only a few time i feel meaningful...haha! maybe because i'm going field camp already that's why mood swing like fuck...some more just now watching Rambo part 1 & 2...wa i really feel damn emo...cant i watch something more meaningful de show...now i just wanna faster get my contract ARGH~~ wow cindy can really slp...she just wake up haiz just hope that i can slp like her also...k le la gonna blog again next time...bye~ Sunday, 4th October 09 blog@1911hrs \| 3:19 AM \| Top shit...i'm here drunking myself again...why??~~~i'm now drinking AMSTERDAM Maximator 11.6%...this is crazy...last week drank Baron 8.8%...i'm starting to wonder where am i going off to already...haiz ck reach my house around 1pm and we leave about 2pm and off to town we go...went back punggol for dinner...reach about 8pm zzz well was feeling lonely and so i msg cindy asking her whether she want to watch movie and she said yes! haha i was soo happy...well i waited for 62 for like hlaf an hour la zzz reach home after finish dinning, straight away pack my stuff and went back to bendemeer and prepare to meet cindy...went to take cab though she told me to take my time but she was alone and dun wanna let her wait and so i took cab and reach there like 5mins la haha well we also meeting her sister they all as well...went down to buy ticket and went up to play some arcade...we were watching Surrogate...starring Bruce willius or william zz shit forgot his name ah wadever anyway...the show is okok but lack of actions la but still can make it...but..haiz i brought my jacket along thought can share it with cindy but see yee was sitting beside me and erm well...ended up sharing it with her zzz but its ok la...just feel a bit sad though...but after the show, we got to walk together to the bus stop haha feel so happy...got to chat with her and she keep smiling at me the whole day!! wahaha! but dunno whether its a false alarm or wad haiz!! how how!! just now msg her that erm next time company u take nr la end up nver reply again zzz haiz i dun care anymore...let see when will she reply me...k le la i'm gonna finish my drink and faster go bathe and go slp le...tml still need to go beach road and get my field camp stuff zzz see bei ba huan... i stranded and tired... Sunday, 4th October 09 blog@0340hrs Saturday, October 3, 2009 \| 2:57 AM \| Top yeah! I'm back haha! back from the hectic training and busy schedule this week in camp sigh ... practically I've been my platoon IC for almost 2 week due to the current IC incapability zzz i keep shouting here and there...FALL IN NOW! FALL IN PROPERLY! SO THAT IC CAN COUNT STRENGTH! and shouting timing... LEFT LEFT RIGHT LEFT LOL!!! i did count strength from time to time EVEN I"M NOT IC ANYMORE!! haha anyway I'm fine with it coz i like to help here and there plus round around like mad dog also can...coz good performance equal to good compliment...anyway that's my nature for doing things...until that kind of extent till everyone keep saying me garang this and that and starts to push everything to me but there's still some who support me and i thank them...only one of my section is pushing things to me so ya still can handle...but the schedule is tight like ass la... today shud be booking out after lunch but end up booking out at 8pm zzz still have to volunteer myself to help IC completing his job haha! then one of my fren keep on complaining say wad just go only la IC will do everything and he also complain that he's been sweating like hell...lol anyway i reach home by 10pm and had my dinner and reach bendemeer around 11pm...watch news and download beach haha...play stupid game and just finish watching bleach only... haha i keep emphasizing that I've become what i can't be right? and so i did...i did something that i used to dun dare to say at all de lor...LOL! i told Cindy that i like her and ask her whether can accept me or not LOL! while waiting for her reply i keep on thinking...shit zzz feels like wrong timing leh...and ya really wrong timing...she did not even reply at all until i msg her that I'm just bring honest with my feeling stuff like this la and if you can't accept i hope that this sudden thing won't scare you off and we are still frens ya...and she finally reply with a yes...quite relief though coz its like at least i tried and i got an answer haha well at least now she know my existence and hope time will bring us together but things might not be that smooth as it might be...dunno la zzz i'm just angry at myself that why i did not do such thing when i got the time with baby(hui shi) zzz damn angry lor...and now she's with another guy and starts to play m.i.a with me again la see Junwei, happy liao la haha! thought part of me keep telling me that now is not the time for any relationship coz i'm really unsure abd doubting what will happen next then...get what i mean? lol but never give it a shot or a try, I'll never know right? maybe scared of rejection? dun think so bah ah~~whatever to this relationship shit...not handsome and no financial also... haha I'm here yawning already...tml still needs to meet ck out to do his phone and have chit chats with him...and shit lor...dunno when my another 250 buck is coming in...hope it come in fast coz my tempt to get new computer part is there again!! KNS! haha wasting money again...well got to slp now le...nights nights~~ It feel good to be flattered... It feel good to be commented... It feel bad when got insulted... It feel bad when people just ignore you... Well... It feel good when you are talking... It feel good when someone is listening... It feel better when being console... And... Giving up is easier than pushing on... Picking up something new make you feel refresh... ... But this whole process will just keep going round and round... Matter of fact is that how your mind really works... While I'm marching 24km, I'll take any opportunity possible to slack down... Feet hurt... Arms numb... At the point of giving up... how? While running 2.4km, Legs feel tired... Running out of breathe... At the point of giving up... how? yes...the above phrases are things that we can redo but there's certain things in your life where scenario cant be undo and redo...so why not live the best out of it? ya? whatever things you do, give in all your best and use whatever mean to accomplish it...when you pick up a task, there always a mission...so what's your mission? Saturday, 3rd October 09 blog@0342hrs	Tuesday, October 27, 2009 \| 7:51 PM \| Top i have think it through...got to sort ways to achieve peace in my mind...its to be me :) haha this may sound stupid but i have to try...no more crazy stuff haha...stop thinking about useless stuff...gonna book in soon...this urban ops shud be quite fun :) Tuesday, 27th October 09 blog@1955hrs \| 2:41 PM \| Top well...yesterday after going home for dinner, came home with mum and i forget about going anywhere but to buy some beer to chill out aT my "old" place where i used to stay aT a staircase...smoke a few sticks with a few cans of beer...well its been like years and its like nothing change but only the way i live my life...maybe nothing had change at all ! its always be coz of someone that changes everything...from a normal family become an abnormal family living in a totally different enviroment...the love that i try to sort i now then realise its just that human closeness and that emptiness i'm trying to fill in...but why do i have to think that way ? i guess i'm crazy...i'm on the verge of breaking down...its just that when will it happen...maybe i'm just thinking too much...dunno why some time it seems like i'm getting hold of myself but some time i'll just do or thinking about something stupid why why why??~~~ slept early yesterday night and wake up very early tonight be4 8am...went to do some grocery with mum and had breakfast together....the she went home about 11am and i continue to watch my date with a vampire part 1...just cooked myself meggie mee with vegie, prawns and fishballs lol...while watching show...well i dun think i'll be signing on le...think i'll be going to k9 unit or stay at 8 SIR...wanted to faster come out to this society and i won't want to regret ever be4 i choose to do anything...there's no short cuts for everything...walk on stone is better than swim across coz i cant swim =.='' ...well had been wondering around the internet for quite some time and ermm hmm dunno what to say...i just miss my weekend outing and haha...just dunno why i've thousands of reason for not doing things that i suppose to do even if its just right in front of me...dun say suppose to do la...say about what i CAN do...haiz thousand and one regret all over my face lol ! i thought i've crawl out but it seems like i'm in another war zone now...when will this war ends?? well later going to meet Raymond at Kallang Mrt station and book in camp together and tml we'll be going to UO (urban ops) again for Wednesday and Thursday but this time we get to come back to camp and slack hmm and this si going to my last week of this course training... all i have to say is that i've always wanting to be with you but i still could not find the courage... i dun mind if its too late or not...to see you smile i'll be content... hypocrite indeed i am but isn't everyone is? what matter is how you think and what you want it to be... just wanna say...its been hell to me for the last 60days be4 i got enlisted... stop talking crap like even if we are together, we wont be like what we used to be... if you ever thinking of being together then why are you leaving me ? maybe you hinted me be4 but i choose not to admit... but i've done so much isn't that so obvious? i just could not find the courage... dun take drug anymore... its heart aching for me to see you vomit again... i will always remember... i will never forget... take care... Tuesday, 27th October 09 blog@1520hrs Monday, October 26, 2009 \| 6:48 PM \| Top well back to blog...again... friday got to book out and yes i went out to enjoy...met adeline yeo and one of her fren and we went to iluma's Suites to K and drink lots of beer...think wad we did most was drink and listen to songs rather than singing since we are at a karaoke and it seems a little funny but i dun mind...anyway i also did open up and speak with adeline and well...after we finish our drink there and we went home...i was too drunk so erm nvr bathe and boom! i go to bed hahawake up about 11am and watch show till around 12noon, i cook meggie mee with prawns haha yummy...and continue to watch show till evening and i was like so late already la and still at home coz i need to book in be4 8pm and it was already 7pm haha quickly do some laundry and bathe then off i go...took a cab and reach there just on time... yesterday was my ATP erm forgot what the word were but its a test on ur marksmanship and guess wad...***ing hell!! all i need is just 1 shot and i can get 200 buck le lor wa lau...night shoot is just too hard...cant see a think...hard to aim also...night shoot consist of twelve shots...the first half is that the target with lighting but the second half is like pitch black with just flashing lights and i could not even aim coz i could not even see my cross hair zzz i thought i nvr miss a single target and i was sooo happy until our Major break the scores to us and i was like NOOOO!!! i hit 28/36 target zzz JUST ONE MORE SHOT!!! argh!! ah haha nvm its ok anyway i'm happy that i pass my ATP if not i need to do reshoot...yesterday night book out around 1am and i was so lucky that my bunkmate is riding bike and he offer a ride and so i reach home be4 2am...we were like so shag la haha after reaching my area, we slack awhile...one stick and a can of red bull and off her go and i went to buy Macdonald for supper...reach home and watch my show again haha...slept about 4.33am... well today did nothing much but watch my show again haha...now i'm going back puggol for dinner and still thinking whether to go marina square there slack or not coz i'm too bored and like emo leh got things wanna say but just cant find someone to share with and it seems like i'm the total fool...maybe there is things which i dun wanna admit hmm well i shall see... gonna blag again soon...bye Monday, 26th October 09 blog@1911hrs Sunday, October 18, 2009 \| 6:55 PM \| Top ...yesterday is the day when i found myself to be the fool again zzz anyway after Elroy and vin reach my house, we went to Queens Town ikea just to buy desk rubber mat...after that went to the shopping centre coz elroy wanted a new shoes and went home after that...after finish my dinner with my mum that she brought from Punggol, i went to tiger's old place where he celebrate his birthday...met lots of old and new fren there and had a few beers with them...i went to meet cindy after he cut his birthday cake...well got to catch a movie with them again...the movie i watch was "Sorority" well its not a show to watch as you will find it waste of money... well when i just reach there i thought that Cindy would be with See Yee but to my suprise, she was with other guy erm soon after i realise that he's actually he's her BF!! WTF! after all this month chatting with her and i even told her how i fell towards her and this is the suprise she gave me?? omg...well this time i really give up on her already and to my suprise, whenever i chat with see yee and look at her, got this strange feeling and is really getting my nerves...really...i'm going crazy...found myself flirting around already and the feeling is damn fucked up and still dunno how and why...i'm really twisted inside already...but somehow i also felt lifted...dunno why...i'm stuck at a cross road, dunno which way to go...dunno whether i'm ready to go for it or not even i choose the road i'm taking...i'm kind off sick and tired of finding the LoVe* but instead i will return to the wait and see de wo(me)...well really lor haha just to think about how we know and met and become together really want to laugh out loud lor haha! well wad i mean is that itsa really happy one but not to mock that someone and hope that she dun misunderstand wad i mean here... :P well many thanks and sorry though and i shall not blog about it anymore... Just hope that you are happy ^__________^* well i think tml will be our ICCT ( Intermediate close combat training ) grading le...meaning its a test if its not, then i will be happy coz its just physically if not, a test will be tested on ur senses and technique...omg my buddy's arms are about to break already if its a test that they are talking about, i think the precious arm of his will really break thanks to me LOL! and after days of resting my whole body aCHES! haha! then it comes our shooting training, again...coz this coming weekend we will be doing a run down shoot and will be tested on ur aiming and will be reward with cash if u got marksmanship wooT! and this is wad i wanted and dream of!! wahaha i'm soo happy coz this coming week will be a slacking week too! haha hope so bah sigh well its already this late hmm i'm going to pack my stuff le...well till next time ! bye~ Sunday, 18th October 09 blog@1920hrs Saturday, October 17, 2009 \| 1:44 AM \| Top wow...time really fly fast...another 2 week in 2PDF is the end of my course already and there goes to my army life...another 1yr and 7 plus month to ORD...well though i had already sign on but the contract is still in the process and i'm having my second thought already...the feeling of cant wait to go back to study and thinking of doing things slowly...i dun want to take any furhter short cuts anymore coz its tiring for me...i've learn to do things with patience...step by step is more steady coz i cant be fast and smooth that way...only yo find myself falling every time... well this week was pwack with ICCT ( intermediate close combat training )...learn break fall and locks...well i fall till my whole body ache like anything...my finger and arms are about to break LOL! anyway its fun ! ... next week well...i'm going to get ready for my marksmanship examination ! yeaH! going for ATP and hope i get 32 out of 32 so that i can get extra 200 buck! haha well just book out and come back to my home straight...actually just now shud meet my bunkmate all but we find that its going to be a bit harsh and so we decided to cancel the outing and now at home doing some computer stuff...haiz hope that i can get to meet Cindy tml if not my saturday will be wasted...dunno why i keep dreaming about her...dreams are all just dream right? sigh...well gonna stop here le...tml i'm pack with events haha! will blog soon bye!~ Saturday, 17th October 09 blog@0155hrs Friday, October 9, 2009 \| 5:33 PM \| Top yo I'm back...this field camp is...tiring for me haiz i think the reason is lack of exercise :P anyway today i got to book out early and here i am...reach home at around 4 pm plus... well i guess this week I'm gonna be bored but well this is the time i get my rest :) but will still miss the night activity...Cindy they all are going to msia and I'm taking a break off from Elroy lol...this weekend I'm simply quite lonely...dunno why this week i keep dreaming about we patching up and always end up waking myself up half way through my sleep...its like having heart attack and being erm well too emotional i shud say for this week...but no matter what, after today, there will always be a tomorrow and what I've done will be yesterday and I'm so scared of what will happen next to me again...had been in lots of accident and carelessness this week...hell for me...all of my platoon mate had been telling me that I'm not as focus as it used to me the pass weeks...maybe I'm restless bah...coz uncle need more rest u know? haha and ya hope that Ck's tml most important date will come true and a happiest one for him :) well ck, no matter what there's always disappointment... but whatever it may be, if you know that you had done your best... it will be okay.... but if it turns out to be a good day and no disappointment... all the best to you then :) ya! haha my mum just came over with our lunch box brought over from punggol that my aunt cooked and dine together...after that, i went to play my guitar...i guess its out of tune and so i went to tune my guitar...and its like !! all my string are out of tune like one kind haha! but i have tuned it back and sound alright now haha...and guess what...i still cant even play a song yet...can only play half way but could not concentrate on the song la haha! sian no time to practice and is like rusty liaoz...and ya also hope that i can get to meet Bala(my snoooker instructor and also my previous unit platoon mate) and play snooker with him again :) hmm no matter what i got to tell myself that she's not here anymore...why every time i thought that i can but ended up all went wrong...what's wrong with me?? haiz Friday, 9th October 09 blog@1825hrs Sunday, October 4, 2009 \| 6:25 PM \| Top wa lau...today is really a "painful" day for me...hour by hour pass like this...to say something funny, i really feel like crying out loud some time haha! just now about 2pm went to beach road to get my field pack stuff coz this coming week i'll be going to out field...hope that i can book out this coming Friday EARLY! just hope that i can book in on Monday coz only got to go enjoy my day on Saturday night but what about Sunday?? book in lor zzz sian...only if i can book out everyday and go out find frens, watch movie or even chill with them i'm very happy already...if not, every time like this sitting at home doing nothing...just wanted to do something meaningful on my every book out and only a few time i feel meaningful...haha! maybe because i'm going field camp already that's why mood swing like fuck...some more just now watching Rambo part 1 & 2...wa i really feel damn emo...cant i watch something more meaningful de show...now i just wanna faster get my contract ARGH~~ wow cindy can really slp...she just wake up haiz just hope that i can slp like her also...k le la gonna blog again next time...bye~ Sunday, 4th October 09 blog@1911hrs \| 3:19 AM \| Top shit...i'm here drunking myself again...why??~~~i'm now drinking AMSTERDAM Maximator 11.6%...this is crazy...last week drank Baron 8.8%...i'm starting to wonder where am i going off to already...haiz ck reach my house around 1pm and we leave about 2pm and off to town we go...went back punggol for dinner...reach about 8pm zzz well was feeling lonely and so i msg cindy asking her whether she want to watch movie and she said yes! haha i was soo happy...well i waited for 62 for like hlaf an hour la zzz reach home after finish dinning, straight away pack my stuff and went back to bendemeer and prepare to meet cindy...went to take cab though she told me to take my time but she was alone and dun wanna let her wait and so i took cab and reach there like 5mins la haha well we also meeting her sister they all as well...went down to buy ticket and went up to play some arcade...we were watching Surrogate...starring Bruce willius or william zz shit forgot his name ah wadever anyway...the show is okok but lack of actions la but still can make it...but..haiz i brought my jacket along thought can share it with cindy but see yee was sitting beside me and erm well...ended up sharing it with her zzz but its ok la...just feel a bit sad though...but after the show, we got to walk together to the bus stop haha feel so happy...got to chat with her and she keep smiling at me the whole day!! wahaha! but dunno whether its a false alarm or wad haiz!! how how!! just now msg her that erm next time company u take nr la end up nver reply again zzz haiz i dun care anymore...let see when will she reply me...k le la i'm gonna finish my drink and faster go bathe and go slp le...tml still need to go beach road and get my field camp stuff zzz see bei ba huan... i stranded and tired... Sunday, 4th October 09 blog@0340hrs Saturday, October 3, 2009 \| 2:57 AM \| Top yeah! I'm back haha! back from the hectic training and busy schedule this week in camp sigh ... practically I've been my platoon IC for almost 2 week due to the current IC incapability zzz i keep shouting here and there...FALL IN NOW! FALL IN PROPERLY! SO THAT IC CAN COUNT STRENGTH! and shouting timing... LEFT LEFT RIGHT LEFT LOL!!! i did count strength from time to time EVEN I"M NOT IC ANYMORE!! haha anyway I'm fine with it coz i like to help here and there plus round around like mad dog also can...coz good performance equal to good compliment...anyway that's my nature for doing things...until that kind of extent till everyone keep saying me garang this and that and starts to push everything to me but there's still some who support me and i thank them...only one of my section is pushing things to me so ya still can handle...but the schedule is tight like ass la... today shud be booking out after lunch but end up booking out at 8pm zzz still have to volunteer myself to help IC completing his job haha! then one of my fren keep on complaining say wad just go only la IC will do everything and he also complain that he's been sweating like hell...lol anyway i reach home by 10pm and had my dinner and reach bendemeer around 11pm...watch news and download beach haha...play stupid game and just finish watching bleach only... haha i keep emphasizing that I've become what i can't be right? and so i did...i did something that i used to dun dare to say at all de lor...LOL! i told Cindy that i like her and ask her whether can accept me or not LOL! while waiting for her reply i keep on thinking...shit zzz feels like wrong timing leh...and ya really wrong timing...she did not even reply at all until i msg her that I'm just bring honest with my feeling stuff like this la and if you can't accept i hope that this sudden thing won't scare you off and we are still frens ya...and she finally reply with a yes...quite relief though coz its like at least i tried and i got an answer haha well at least now she know my existence and hope time will bring us together but things might not be that smooth as it might be...dunno la zzz i'm just angry at myself that why i did not do such thing when i got the time with baby(hui shi) zzz damn angry lor...and now she's with another guy and starts to play m.i.a with me again la see Junwei, happy liao la haha! thought part of me keep telling me that now is not the time for any relationship coz i'm really unsure abd doubting what will happen next then...get what i mean? lol but never give it a shot or a try, I'll never know right? maybe scared of rejection? dun think so bah ah~~whatever to this relationship shit...not handsome and no financial also... haha I'm here yawning already...tml still needs to meet ck out to do his phone and have chit chats with him...and shit lor...dunno when my another 250 buck is coming in...hope it come in fast coz my tempt to get new computer part is there again!! KNS! haha wasting money again...well got to slp now le...nights nights~~ It feel good to be flattered... It feel good to be commented... It feel bad when got insulted... It feel bad when people just ignore you... Well... It feel good when you are talking... It feel good when someone is listening... It feel better when being console... And... Giving up is easier than pushing on... Picking up something new make you feel refresh... ... But this whole process will just keep going round and round... Matter of fact is that how your mind really works... While I'm marching 24km, I'll take any opportunity possible to slack down... Feet hurt... Arms numb... At the point of giving up... how? While running 2.4km, Legs feel tired... Running out of breathe... At the point of giving up... how? yes...the above phrases are things that we can redo but there's certain things in your life where scenario cant be undo and redo...so why not live the best out of it? ya? whatever things you do, give in all your best and use whatever mean to accomplish it...when you pick up a task, there always a mission...so what's your mission? Saturday, 3rd October 09 blog@0342hrs	About Me Your profile here!	Affiliates .k a i. . .h i p p o l i c o u s. . .E v o n. . .C k. . .T u l c u S. . .G i N n. . .X i n g y i. . Recent May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 December 2008 January 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 January 2011 Credits Designer:Little-Miss-Wendy Basecode: X X X Icon:Cyworld	Misc Anything extra goes here.
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