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Thursday, April 30, 2009 | 6:18 PM | Top oh well...saw Ly's blog had some changes but who cares? :) back stab or not...wad done is done... truth is spoken and none was not meant to be untold... with nowhere to release my feeling even just by blogging is not enuff... forgiveness is everyday and is everywhere... whether to let go or not, only ourselves knows best... true or not true... it doesn't matter anymore... u cant forget the things that isn't meant to be forgotten but time will slowly turn past into history and history to memories and to story... i dun hope or wish for anything... just dun hate me :) plz spare me... and go away... and for ck, i see u as fren and i hope that u see me as a fren... yes i owe u a lot but wad u shud do, it has to be done... at least as a fren :) yes its my fault but it doesn't mean that u can say things to hurt me even more that time... who know? those who are real fren but not u...so sorry :( i got so sick and tired of my life already and its been a month... after tonight pass 12mn and i will try harder then ever to do wad i shud do... its been an insomnia month for me... slowly devouring my soul... out side, i was happy... enjoy and have fun... once i'm home, the gloomy me starts to fade... still thinking why and how... but who cares? i still need to eat, drink and earn money... after my ns i really dun have time for all this... just hope that i'm fresh and new after spending another 2 yrs in a totally new enviroment... well i will still do the same thing like taking the head of the train... long lost frens are coming back... hope they are good coz right after my personnal matter, i hear lots of news similar to my case...lol god must be shuffling cards hmm which is i find it good :) coz this prove that its time to move but not to stay... now i'm more happy then ever but still feel like something important had gone away but thats fine :) to move on alone seems much more lighter in terms of stress... its better to has a women u love with u though :( i've new aims in my life now... not to say it here and it will remain in my heart... :) yesterday went to St'James with guoz, roy, jeff, hui shi and her jie jie... go and enjoy only :) drink quite a lot also... haiz some how around 1:30am, something happen... one of our gal fren name chelsea go and create trouble... starting we thought it was guoz got problem but end up is chelsea... the story was dunno how they dance, end up this chelsea punch him 2 time at his face then he cant take it and so he punch her back 1 time... zzz its like obviously is her fault la zzz the guy is ok but keep saying wad guys pride all that and that chelsea keep saying i wont take this matter lightly lor... u can practically see everyone there taking hp and call... anyway end up guoz, roy, jeff and i say good bye to hui shi and head to thai disco/pub name 72...went there to chill and have a martell to drink... after that we went home... CANT SLP AT ALL!!! until morning zzz still cant slp... until now haiz...jsut now met tiger haha and a chat and walk him to the bus stop then come back home blogging... gonna play dota with elroy later zzz keep asking me play dota with him..ALWAYS zzz k le la update next time :) ppl here plz dun play back stab... if u wan back stab, plz dun let me know who are u... and dun put words into my mouth ever again... hope that after tonight, my life would be much better one :)
Thursday, 30th of April 2009
blog @ 2225hrs
Tuesday, April 28, 2009 | 7:58 AM | Top over the last weekend, i went to hui shi's sister's wedding dinner:) haha yrs nvr seen her she look so different now and in the pic too haha! i wore a long sleeve and a blazzer to attend the wedding...met hui shi's mei mei name shuling...met her at boon keng mrt station hmm we both though that we are very late and so we decided to take cab to Exelsior Hotel...eh ended up we reach there and still have to wait zzz haha anyway once we reach the entrance, the groom and bride and their parents are all standing there and we shake hand haha they were smilling and laughing all the way coz its a happy day!!! their daughter and son are both getting married yea! after 5yrs of relationship...ups and downs and finally there they are:) feel so happy for them hmm me? haha wait long long bah...haiz well later that night, hui shi called me up and tell me a breaking news...but end up everythings seems fine thank god:)? haha we chat till morning 6am++ then sleep...was very tired and yet i still can chit chat haha! arh~~~coz i'm used to it le mah and thx to her LOL...well for monday, we meet up again...went to meet her at rivervale mall...she went there and bought a lot of 4d LOL and cost her 159SGD LOL EXAGGERATING?? up to u to guess:) after that i went to her house haha just to realise that we are bring her sister's dog out...its name is call Dino haha cute right? lol sorry no photo provided...actually they pronouce it as deeno lol...anyway, we went out after we sqeeuez him into a bag...haha we were rejected by the bus driver so we decided to take cab...hmm we went to yishun to look for jiejie who is hui shi's BF's sister lol coz she wanted to go shopping so after we meet her up, we went to bishan first then amk...coz it seems like amk have more shops and things to see than bishan...bishan is BORING...after finishing our shopping trip, we decided to go back yishun for dinner but ended up i'm eating dinner alone lol...anyway thx to hui shi, we ended up drinking soft drinks and juice lol...coz jie jie wanted to drink beer i guess...after dinner, we went to take a walk with dinner haha see hui shi running up and down haha! she look happy:) hope she stay this happy forever and hope that her bf treat her well if not i'm gonna BOX HIM wahaha! for today...erm practically nth much...went to pubs again...from bout quay to shenton way after having 2 jars of beer, and then 3 bottle of Martell ZZZZ and i VOMITED LOL too much for me...anyway haha i had fun there haha! went dj play his music, we were all dancing with the thai gal there haha and erm grind her wahaha! it was crazy la but this is not all i wanted...just having "fun"...after tonight, i really dunno whether to continue my life "playing" around of just be my usual self...staying at home doing nth just simple...haiz nvm i still have time to think...and ops! went i was drunk in the pub, i send a msg to hui shi that i wasn't intend to send de but...if things keep inside my heart for long, i will feel very saffocated...and her reply was hmm anyway its not a big deal...gonna slp now...its a miracle that i was soo drunk tonight and vomited...still haven slp till this hour LOL...bye gonna update next time:)Tuesday, 28th of April 2009blog @ 0822hrs
Thursday, April 23, 2009 | 3:24 AM | Top today went to St'James again! haha yea clubbing all the way for me...today is R&B so haha basically we dance all the way haha today is very fun coz i feel giddy even dun have not yet drink anything so i'm in the mood to dance LOL...sianzzz just recovering from fever only, people just keep asking me out...and ya i think i'm really quitting smoking this time though still feel a bit akward without it but i'm still ok without it:)after this pack i'm gonna stop totally coz it seems like i cant even smoke a stick properly...my days now is like relax...no job...watch shows...documentory...doing nth...sianzzz going army on the 12th of June how sad is this...haiz tml going out again but dunno going where...this morning buddy called asking me to help call her boss to tell her that she's sick and cant really speak due to no voice...she wanted a conference but dunno why whenever i switch to conference, she just couldn't hear us so ended up me talking to her boss...really kana shoot dead by her boss zzz she's an ass hole from the inside slut on the out front...i'm hating her now...the next time she ask us to go her house mahjong i will not go...she her face feel like slaping her already...funny lor after done my talk with her i straight away go slp coz i'm soo tired la then hui shi keep sms me lol...just let me slp can? haha anyway i'm very tired now...luckily we human being use leg to walk and dance but use hand to write...k le going to watch bleach then go slp le nights!Thursday, 23rd April 2009blog @ 0506hrs
Sunday, April 19, 2009 | 11:57 PM | Top its been weeks and i still find it to hard to belive that she's forever gone...it is too tormenting for me but what to do? i'll spend another two years to forget her in my army days i should say...going to serve Singapore on 12th of June...people say that they scared their girlfriend has a change of heart while we are in NS but what about they changed before we go NS? this can be a total lost for some people...dunno what to do just like me...*sigh*no matter what i do or where i go, everywhere is her shadow...her back view...what should i do??? help!~~~i thought i can do it but it seems like i'm just weak...thats all...oh well...how can i transcend time? anyway lets talk about other thing...yap not going to Genn's wedding but got invited by Hui Shi's sister's wedding dinner haha! going to wear formal on that day and cut my hair also....haiz still sick here...tml still need to work coz need cash now in order to play haha! anyway when my days are up, i'll be there...2 years...2 years is all i need...
Monday, 20th April 2009
blog @ 0122
Friday, April 17, 2009 | 9:45 PM | Top h 3 l l 0! i'm back...this few days nvr really blog coz i'm working plus fall sick...oh well another 4days had just passed things changed faster than i thought and this 2 week i have been very happy too! hehe shell share a little with u all here...i'm not a christian but a half buddhist...few days away went to meet hui shi but she's late and haven reach home yet so i decided to wait for her somewhere but i'm soo urgent that i feel like my bladder is going explode to i decided to go to this temple which near her place...so ya after releasing my "stress" there, went to pray awhile...and saw this few boards with zodiac discriptions on it...went to read mine and i was suprised by wad its been written there...it says eh...for my love this year, there will be a third party and erm...forgot abt the rest liaoz...really suprise...so how shud i react? haha all is destine? hmm wadever...yesterday went to play mahjong with hui shi for the fact the i'm still having fever! haha! and lose abt 12 buck haha nvm! for the fun anyway i still have money haha! for today...haiz nvr really done anything just slp ad slp...and haha she fall sick too..haiz see her work so hard everyday just wanted to get slim by eating pills and vomitting hope she's fine and wish that her BF can treat her better if not i'm really going to box him...haiz how i wish that i can turn back time...turn back to around the end of 2006 coz now i think that it was my last chance but i nvr treasure it so i think its too late now coz everything seems to be set already...she's gonna get married next year so hmm ya i'm there for her coz i dun wan to let her feel lonely...sound bastard and selfish and i know that but these is the the only things i can do for her as a buddy...just hope that miracle happen:)and btw i hate ppl put words into my mouth...malign my for the things that i nvr said be4...how heartening is this...even now i still feel the pain in my chest though i had already over with it...but still has to thx her parent for bringing me to cruise though and her auntie and uncle are good ppl:)...just now i was happily slping...not until ppl keep calling in...first was elroy...second was hengky..third was ck and Ly...zzz i rmb i pass the motherboard manual for her to read it but it seems like she nvr read lor...erm this is my advice for ppl that own computer HERE~~~plz read any useful material and open up ur cpu from time to time to do some checking so that you can familarize with ur computer...and haha that time i told Ly that i want to help her do her computer but she insisted that she dun need my help and will try her best...if cannot then say lol...well she doesn't even know wads sata and IDE but cant blame her coz she's not familiar with these sort of things...well so now i guess she's cracking her head and dunno wad to do coz i 4got to pass her the OS disc...w/o that she cannot do refomat haha...anyway she got so many ppl that can help her wad so i shall see...AND I HATE PEOPLE WHO PUT WORDS INTO MY MOUTH OK! AND THE ONE HAD CHANGED IS NOT ME BUT YOU!Friday, 16th April 2009blog @ 2243hrs
Monday, April 13, 2009 | 1:13 AM | Top yesterday had been to clubs and pubs just to find ways to release my self from this torment...well now i know why it's April Fool month...i've been making a fool out of myself...thought that everything will be good...anyway this may BE my last blog...for good coz it seems like our promises had expired...i need to go now...to start anew...actually u had misunderstood...wad for reason? no point le coz its already over...
Monday, April 13th 2009
Blog @ 0126hrs
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Saturday, April 11, 2009 | 8:57 AM | Top ~~~it started on 20th April~~~
its a happening night tonight...this evening went to look for Guoz at town...yea! and i finally found my earpiece! its was in a cupboard near the shoes shelve at punggol...took mrt down and found myself alight at the wrong stop...manage to reach dhoby ghuat but then again...walk to the wrong place...scan the card already and found myself at plaze singapura ZZZ well, i went back to scan the card and took a train to orchard...walk like zombie, everyone was looking at me like anytime i will become mad man LOL...haiz the flooring of the orchard road had this blue neon light in it and every square metres away has another one...walking while looking at it remind me that there's a pic we took together at some where near bugis de bus top...coz this effect of that pic is also blue blue de...reach Guoz working place, i smile at him and he smile back haha! well...he told me a lot wad happen to him recently and for him not to be the first few who know wad happen to me, was like why? wad happen...so ya told him everything and haha he got a totally different saying...wad he said makes me feel much more comforting than wad i had been hearing this few days...well his job there is kinda slack...so after much talking and waiting he finally knock off at 9pm+...and haha i'm soo touch coz of me he has to leave his bike there and pei me sobs THANK YOU GUOZ! walking around the orchard and went to basement of TAngs...to find something to eat and bought some finger food...actually earlier on, his fren(aaron) called him to ask him go clubbing tonight haha after some discussion, elroy, guoz and i decided to go...eh the place is at near Vivo call St'James Power House...we went to the house music side...woohoo feeling totally different coz for r&b, the rythm is slow so can do somehting like grinding but for house music its like trance and techno...u dance with style instead of slow mo grinding...learn some move from my master Guoz haha! why call him master? coz last time i used to go clubbing with him @ MOS but closed down and i somehow feel a bit sad and nostalgic to club with him once again:)...well went in and i just cant move dunno why!!! went to use the ticket to exchange some alcohol haha! had 2 shots of terquila*pok and 2 wisky coke...and the kick manage to stay as long as till now...later at the end of my blog and u look at the time and u will know wad time izzit now...ya went to the dance floor and dance la haha! manage to enjoy myself more after i'm really drunk...and ya aaron brought some of his fren too but manage to know 2 of them coz one is my junior and the other one eh i dunno who she is till we start a conversation...oh ya forgot to ask which sch she came from zzz anyway, we exchange our handphone number but doubt i will be contacting them if only i feel like i want to...ya my junior wow! he drive a BMW haha damn rich la he told me that he's going to take over he's father's business..hmm hope he will succeed in the future! haha i'm gonna work hard like him:) and ya! the funny part in the dance floor was haha! i'm the christmas tree once again haiz *sobs*...nvm:)i'm used to it haha hard to dance while i'm in christmas tree mode though...at abt 3am+ we were very tired and drunk already and so we decided to leave...damn aaron...he promise us that he will pay for us the cab fare...argh!!! nvm...yea we send GUoz home first then left elroy and me...i wanted to grab a drink but he wanna eat...and i decide to eat also haha...ever since Guoz alight de cab, he keep telling stuff abt he's gf i was like haiz...BATC good night will blog tml again...morning...zzz and ya for the ppl here who want to know which station i alight at first...VIVO zzz and secondly PS basement 1 de couple's lab...
~~~it ends tonight 6th April 2009~~~
blog'ed @ 0652hrs on 11th April
well my mood today is....damn freaking emo...as day passes and near our anniversary...like counting down until that day then my new life will be reborn...hope that my mood for tml is a good one...i wish for her happiness and to let it go as she seems to be feeling happier now...haiz can someone tell me why am i so confuse now...its not that "dunno wad i wan"...its that i'm really messed up...i need an answer...plz show me some sign...well i will try to have faith...but sometime i just feel ah couldn't take it anymore...wad ever i do now is meaningless...after so many days of not eating i come to think of something stupid...if one day i wake up, and realise that there's still another ME slping there...really i'm scared...water feel so cold to me now...scared of bathing also...well like i said above...hope that it will come sooner...can i let it go? i dunno...hmm maybe i'm not confuse anymore?
Labels: to start a new life or not...that depend on my will power
Friday, April 10, 2009 | 5:15 PM | Top ~~~is started on 20th April 2007~~~
i'm now blogging at punggol...2yrs ago de today...nth seems to be happening..i'm still myself:)buddy hui xi lost contact again like it used to be and i already used to it...knew her for so long yet dun dare to show it just dunno why...had my first gf at 16 and broke off after we are like 4months...had my first heart ache this and that...my best fren was tiger then haha he know me best...yap around that time i dun own any computer stuff yet coz had a cold war with my cousin and stop using his comp eventually...tat time was different...a lot of fren...went out together doing stupid stuff...yea after my first break up, i start to change dramatically...eh for the frens that know me now, this is wad i've become and this is me now...am i a nice guy? good or bad? i dunno...am i still frenly? haha i sure that its always some possitive comment...i nvr really had any bad comment abt me...only some said that once i had new fren, i will forget my old fren in fact i'm always there and will be there for them if they call me out its just that they dunno wad i am actually so couldn't really blame them in fact i nvr once blame on any body for anything...in fact they change me:)17 de me, still feeling young and u know de la haha energetic and do crazy stuff...once a fren of mine told me that we smokers are training x2 of the stamina than the non smokers...tat time i agree but now haha its bad for ur health la just hope that he's alright now though we had lost contact for yrs...miss them though all funny guy but reality is that ite fren come and go plus my hp get into trouble once somthing happen to me...hope this time my w910i dun give up on me...my only "mp3" with me...well around that time a good guy will change into something bad too...new some fren that shuden had knew may it bad or good, thats how i came to recontact with my buddy again...was boring at Fisherman Village tat night with one of my brother...the only person i can think of is my buddy hui xi...haha this is how we contact back again haha and this is wad god's plans are...my this brother chio him in the end and i can only feel happy abt him:)and somehow or rather our friendship turn sour coz of her...meet gal can...meeet brother cannot, tats wad he told me...come'on, she's ur gf la zzz haiz 18 de me was a lonely one...with nothing but frens...but i was not contempt coz somewhere in my heart, i'm still thinking of my first ex...wanted to patch back but nth seems to be right and i just delete her contact off hmm i shud say that that's my first wrong move i've done bah haha...anyway we are still fren now but nvr contact though...by know that she's happy now some how feel happy for her:)but every time she ask me to go to her bdae party i nvr turn up haha coz too busy with frens...tats me..dunno how to face her...even now, every time i saw her, my hand will be holding a cigaratte and body will shake then feel giddy...dunno why...19yrs old de me, thats when i feel i'm *old* liaoz...yearning for some love...yes! haha i did spread my love around but nth seems to be right coz i dun dare zzz haha well i feel happy though coz the more i think, the more i feel that there's really this plan thingy in heaven really exist! haha and ya 19yrs old i just got my first own computer and internet...my first few game was O2jam...heard this game long time ago from my fren guoz...this game is really fun...until now i'm still playing:)around that time i really call myself gamer...in fact...i'm lonely...no body know except me:)20 de me i call it the turning point of my life and the long stop pendulum start swining again...well it seems like i couldn't wait till 12th then blog abt it...as usual...playing for a few round of O2jam...staying in the room of 8 ppl playing till all gone then i will find other room to play again...somehow or rather, i did something that i yet done in in the past in any game...saw ppl adding each other like no body's business...so well was like hmm since u all like to add each other hotmail why not i tag along too? haha but i thought tat no one will add me but haha! one of them prove me wrong! and this perticular one is really special haha super frenly but somehow i'm scared of her also initially...but haha dunno why hmm really! haha had first phone conversation with a gal that i dun really know...for that long somemore that day coming morning le and its first day of our school! haha i was in the 2nd term while she's start of her 2nd yr in ite...we chat on phone for a week straight and finally we meet up...in that week, this special feeling slowly grow and well end up had some feeing for her...as far as i know now, she has this special attraction through her...dunno how to explain but thats how it is la...ya and so we decided to skip school and meet up that friday hmm not bad i still remember coz its 20th of April...haha initially i thought she will nvr turn up coz i was waiting for her sms reply at punggol mrt...was thinking wa lau...if no reply i go home liaoz...coz seldom gals will ask me out 1 on 1 somemore except last time la...with sisters haha i know this is something different hmm haha but she DID REPLY! haha i will cut short coz i scared ppl that scared of my compo mah haha ;p we eventually end up together and really each days passes, we are like the deeper we fall:)as in more and more loving...though its been a long time i've changed, it seems like something nvr change and thats my stubborness...its really killing me...we had our up and down and finally...the pendulum is stopping...gradually...slowly...time to blog abt wad i did ytd...after zouk out that night, went home...couldn't slp in fact i nvr even slp...try not be late i reach mich place sharp at 11am only to find out that they are late! haha saw mich cooking stuff and it was 3/4 done hmm abt 1145hrs they reach...Ly and owen...we sat down and eat...well mich, i'm so sorry ah coz i acutally dun feel like eating but i manage to finish it haha and its nice:)yea went to play badminton and then wilson turn up...he's good haha a singapore youth badminton player...wish to play with him next time all out:)in the court...heard things that i dun like but there's nth i can do now...really...we are like on a split road...one going north and the other going south...but will we see each other again? coz no matter which direction we take that day, we will surely see each other at the starting point and then split again, again and again...and ya SORRY LY for my smash to landed on u tat day...the feeling is like haiz cut away my arm bah...lol haiz its like no matter wad i do...it hurts ppl around me...anyway we played for 3hours and like dead la haha but i just wanted to go on...and at that point my right arm is already shaking badly coz i stop playing badminton for a long time...wanted to train back though:)not for any person but myself and want to beat my opponent haha! i have rival now! haha WILSON! TILL NEXT TIME! haha nah its a joke coz i can nvr beat him with experience coz he's been playing all the while while i stop playing...anyway we leave the court at abt 1630hrs...wow! the feeling of dun wan to leave really hurt...bye bye 3 time if i'm not wrong...and the most funny part is i cried all the way home LOL uncles aunties look at me like wtf lor NNB nvr see ppl cry be4 meh haha!...went home and watch my sassy gal awhile haha the korean version de...then went to meet my buddy hui xi...i thought i'm gonna be late but ended up wait for her like an hour lol! i pig coz i old liaoz mah but got ppl seems older than me wahaha! nah joking:)yea after she reach, went to buy cigarattes and smoke...went to find her bf sister...dunno wad happen after that day i emo wa lau we all 3 like damn emo la...hui xi is like got problem with her bf and same to the sister...went to have dinner with them...no appetite though...its like the morning fried rice is still in my stomach LOL MICH! WHICH KIND OF RICE U USE??? haha! thx for ur rice that wont digust haha! we chit chat awhile then went over to hui xi's boss lady house to play mahjong WEE~~~wa lau! if anyone of u here know how to play mahjong, there's this perticular round i played, I GOT ALL THE ANIMAL LA!!! walau! straight away win $2 each haha! anyway we played for 1 round meaning north, first round, south, second round, east, third round lastly west...so this is wad we mean by 1round...4:1 tats the ratio...so next time if ppl say they played 24round(quan) meaning 24*4=96 which is 96:24...actually why we play mahjong le its becoz one of the boss lady's son just had a break up too haha so we kinda share the same fate REALLY the same fate la haha! LY!! I CAN BARELY SEE IT NOW HAHA! hmm i shall keep on going...we share our thoughts haha! like old fren lol! then hui xi there laugh...siad that we shud exchange number since we are like old fren but i insist tat i wont...i told them that if we really are fren, we will somehow see each other again and by then we will be fren:)after we chat finish its already like coming 4am haha! but manage to reach home abt 0430hrs...wa once i reach punggol...straight away went into emotional state...i sit at the place where i used to slack, smoke and listen song there...cried again all the way i went home and bathe...puggol lahggy best...really...BEST AH! i shud say...it seems like my eyes all dried up liaoz...no more water liaoz then manage to fall aslp...wake up at abt noon ... cccrrryyyyy again haiz...after awhile, i finally tell myself that i shud 4get abt her...though its sad...seriously i couldn't bare to forget her lor...if i really forget her i will feel guilty...dunno why...but i know somehow or rather, i will and this will be the pass coz i'm going to ns soon le...this news is really bad for me and a good one...bad is i got no time to enjoy more le...bad is will emo there dying there...i guess i will make that 2 yrs in ns my life to the fullet bah but i hope that by then i'm still living on with "our" memory as much as possible...this 23months and 5days of memory is like we had been together for decades to me..thank you Liyan...and many sorry...just hope that its the good thats with u now and the bad is with me ok! i think i cant let it go now but we still got promises so i will waork hard in it de...the bottom line is i'll let go and move on...without u:)but deep inside my heart...u will still be there...its not the time but the effort:)BATC will blog again
~~~it ends tonight 6th April 2009~~~
blog @ 1711hrs On 10th April
Edit @ 0521hrs On 11th April
Labels: for me to let go is just too sad for me
Thursday, April 9, 2009 | 2:33 AM | Top ~~~it started on 20th April 2007~~
haha just came back from zuok...now the song there at phuture is sooo boring...but still haha dance dance here and there...ever since yrs ago...so long nvr dance feel a bit strange lol...went there with my buddy, my ex(irritating) and some of my buddy's fren...eh hmm! why irritating? coz i'm there wanna quiet down but she keep talking to me... some more today wa lau she and her bf quarrell coz her bf is sooo possesive of her....even wad she wear all this nd to report to him and so she went out with me this afternoon by lying to him that she went out with hui xi...and ya...today afternoon finally met billy and 2 of his camp mate...went to watch Grand Torino....well its a show abt ur whole life...ur regrets and how to sacrifice for other ppl and repent but they feel that its a boring show other than me la haha...when we were in the cinema, wa lau they so noisy la i some how dun use to it...i keep using my hat as a volume tuner lol...then my ex(jana) keep disturbing me...dunno why they wan to sit couple seats zzz a bit piss off and scared of her also...after the show, we went to bugis and slack while waiting for hui xi...nearly 3hrs then she turn up...and waited for another half an hour to wait for her frens...in between the time, jana keep pestering...keep ask me to pei her go here and there...i just tell her that i only pei u go buy cigarrette...coz its near mah...other than that...u go yourselves coz she wanted to go bugis village just to buy water yet macdonald is just in front of us only...wa lau kk nvm only after hui xi reach i then have my peace zzz so ya after her frens reached, we went to bus stop and take a bus to zuok...next time if u scared too many ppl right? u purposely go there late then there will be no queue and just go buy ur ticket and go in and enjoy:)once we are inside, haha jana quickly go find her bf coz i think they break up or wad la...dun give a damn...just too irritating keep ask me whether still have other guys want her or not...ASK URSELF LA GET A LIFE !!! hmm it seems like i hate her very much hah! yea she did betray me real hard last time...and ya after she found her boy, we just go and find "territory"...really cramp up...we quickly went to buy and exchange liquor after we found our place:)haha we dance half way, saw wj's brother's frenss LOL they came in like still haven drunk yet so still ok...when we are abt to leave, oh man saw him alone...i also dunno why...walking out of the dance floor like snake LOL bang here bang there then come fall into my LOL then ask me where wei xin they all LOL i was like wow~! not bad! still can remember my name ah? haha! i couldn't find them too so i just tell him that ah cant find them...LOL after that he straight chio me go dance floor! LOL but i tell him that i'm leaving...haha he seem sad though and happy LOL and went back to the dance floor like zzz lol so after we leave the place, hui xi's fren go home first and left the both of us and yea jana left with her boy first...so hui xi and i slack there awhile then take cab home...wa lau wanted to go back punggol tonight but until the cab reach seng kang then i found out that i forgot the bring keys!! OMG!! so yea...i'm home now at bendemeer...haiz cried again in the cab all the way home...finally stop...but still scared to enter both house as all momeries...but still i have to slp de right? haha but also dunno how to slp coz no bolster...very xin ku de neh:(....think i shud go back punggol and bring back all my barang barang...dun care wad my parent say liaoz coz i just need my bolster!! if not, when i slp like i use my leg to hug my third pillow and use my arms to hug my second pillow and the finally pillow..of coz my head la haha! everything changed instantly...right now, i just done cooling my self down...blogging...going to bathe soon hmm this morning i just remembered 2 songs which is interesting:)first song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oN1dRccOXU song name call 不要用我的爱来伤害我 in english mean dun use my love to hurt me haha after listen to this song, i came to have once another naive thinking that did i really return all the love she gave me back to her already? but anyway hope she's not sad coz if she does, me too...and this second song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqDE6gliQgk song name call 北极星的眼泪 in english mean the northern star's tears...this song its abt he who hope that he can have the time to wait for metoer rain to fall and finally to make a wish...wish that everything can change but reality just couldn't give in for them...but every road, every pathment, any shopping once he went together with her, the memory is still there but as day passes, it become more and more futher away from him and when the right person is there yet its just the wrong timing...haiz sorry...i'm so dead emo again...but then again i know...its all my fault that i've gave her such a sluggish character...damn! haha must be happy! Yo!Yo! sian...can finish early de lor then my fren elroy called...come'on! tml i got things to do man! yea he's just having problem too...gf nvr even contact him...isn't it more sad? dun like or love him just say la haha wa lau everything make clear mah...why must one couple start when there's no loving?? right? haiz then again...today nvr eat...think i'm waiting for the breakfast they making tml haha! i'm hungry!! but no appetite...just cannot eat but drink liquor only...i'm now still sehseh de...haha k le la have to go bathe le...chou chou de...smelly smelly haha
~~~it ends tonight 6th April 2009~~~
blog @ 0432hrs On Thursday 9th April
Wednesday, April 8, 2009 | 2:09 AM | Top ~~~it started on 20th April 2007~~~
i finally got home today...for this house i'm staying...feeling colder and colder going to freeze soon...i only have memories of her for this house...other than that its nothing...still asking myself...why?? why am i like this??? i can change but it seems my stubborness had already taken over my soul and body...scared of coming back here after we broken up...really...perhaps wad i had been done is all futile...i know that she sacrifice for me a lot more than i can imagine...but only if i can open up to her more...my heart is still closed and just being naive:) just hope for the better i guess? no...i'm just self delusionizing...seriously up to this point, looking at my comp and everything i had now...only if i can do more for her than my computer, just more than wad i treasure now(perhaps my computer...obsession)then i can move on...i'm just being selfish...too selfish i shud say...i had been thinking that izzit really i love her more or just that i love myself more...but the truth is that, YES i haven gave enuff and or a NO...i gave a proportion of myself...well wad's been done cannot undone...i just wan to belive and the truth is that i once let the person i love the most down...in fact ALWAYS...this is just sooo sad...junwei, why why why why why whyy whyw hyw hwy???? too many regrets till i cant breath...but i still wan to belive that she hurts more than i do now...so for us to drift apart might be infact, the most critical solution...i knew its been my fault always but . . . . feeling the pain now:) cant eat cant slp but i somehow know that time will still move on no matter how i'm feeling now...i finally realise that just time, it wasn't enuff...wads sufficient is feeling towards someone and to open up and to give who ever u love...everything...maybe i still not good enuff to be anyones' bf this is so sad...i yearn for love and its in front of me yet nvr treasure...but still tresure the most loveable moment together with her:) when we are together, nth can really explain that feeling... u know? going out with the gal u love? hehe this is just sooo sweet:) but like i say...i'm too stubborn:(...negative? no...its stubborn:)...i had nth left to move on only a dead shell with no megazines to reload...i will still become the same old me...doing the things that shuden do...its a taboo but promises still have to be kept deep and make it happen one day:) i just need time to heal and i wish that she live happier than ever after we leave each other:) i wish that she can break lose of wad thats had been tying her up this yrs and wish that she find a guy who can really treat her better than me(EHHH buay hiao bite) haha baby,(this is the last time i'll will be calling her that) baby, i'll just know that u are happy as for now and the future and hmm ---blank--- be happy ok? dun worry abt me:) i just want u to be happy and i'll be satisfied:) i know it takes time and i will be a better man in the future:) and until that day, i hope it isn't to late or too soon... i will still quietly wish for ur happiness...i wont do stupid things ok? but using a penknife to shave...lol! need a real shaver real soon...i will still blog and i hope that u r the one here to see wad i have wrote with my stories haha! i promise...i wont leave the one i most alone anymore... ...but if u wanna cry! cry in my shoulder! haha i still rmb that song and the "how did i fall in love with u"...thats the most memorial song i have ever knew thx to u:) well will share my love around once i'm getting better...i have a feeling that i'm gonna fall sick this few days haha luckily i nvr went to eat ROJAK haha if not i think i will be hospitalise some where in town haha! (if u read the news abt the geylang serai rojak food poisoning stall)... haha i still as "lor soh" as i am right? haha and a cry baby too:) just hope that everything will change in the future:) how abt i change my nick to "changedme" in the future when i'm really changed? haha! learn that from u de haha! baby, the puzzle i bought for u, i will finish it in due time and pass it to u...u can throw away or wad:) i'm just scared that ur parent will nag haha! coz its just too big for ur room! haha-_-'' alright...time to say abt wad i've done for today...today i meet a fren name hui xi...she's a buddy to me haha perhaps something more in the pass but thats de pass la hor...coz this few week she had been feeling down for some reason...and plus i jsut broken up with my gf and i couldn't really stay put in my place so i decided to meet her and some more the frens i have just wont pick up my call zzz the only fren is currently in ns and the other one is like handicap la...(elroy..ops!)...went to her work place and help her lady boss on the internet problem(NOT AGAIN!!)*sigh*after that, went to meet her bf's sister and one of her guy fren...sit down and drank 5 bottles of carlsberg hmm think i miss count...was really drunk(ops!) just keep chatting and i'm like the entertainer there lol despite wad i've gone through but until we went to a playground to slack, i couldn't take it...fall to the ground and just stunt there lol! they known wad happen and one by one come over and *preach* me...lol really cant take it anymore, i cried...non stop...by knowing its my fault, i couldn't stop...for 1hr? nah...i'm even more sad sitting here typing...for today...i couldn't eat and for the pass few days i couldn't slp...i knew something would happen but how to avoid it yet it seems inevitable to me! just to blame myself for everything...yea right i'm emo but oh well...time is everything i need and i wont let time push me...i will change and i will make time! and ya hui xi's lady boss and her boss are good ppl...i might get a job there but its like another odd job only if i'm qualify for their admin work which seems to have suficient ppl there sad...haha but dun worry...wad gone is forever gone...i love u for who u r but reality just couldn't bare us...i will change that...i'm masterwei LOL i just hope that i still can see her for the rest of my life...or just to watch her secrectly from behind and i will be satisfied...wad can i do? as for now i'll struggle to get out of this life for good and push hard forward...some time still will feel sad though infact for the rest of my life...but ifs there's a chance, this time i will really...kk enuff talk...i still have to wake up early for their hand made breakfast...but dunno i can slp or not leh sian...maybe wad i really need is to confide god...maybe that's where my salvation lies...only if i couldn't do it alone la...coz for me to go church...its commitment...and ya...i will nvr let anyone pay for anything...i will do things within my reach and with confident...like for example marriage...if in the mere yrs...still no money...i wont drag anyone with me de...i will change in fact its changing and the result hmm take yrs? after ns? I WAN TO BE IN NEWSPAPER FRONT PAGE!!!! as a really great person...not for anyone but me, myself and for the person deep in side my heart...it will nvr change:) even for my first ex...i see her now how happy she is and though in the pass, we diden really has any conflict...i just realise why she broken up with me last yr when i first saw her after merely 4 yrs...things change..ppl change...but the only thing that will nvr change is time:) though it will lag by one second some time haha...WOW! this is my first time in yrs i have typed so many! haha just to be happy...maybe LY will find it disturbing but this will be the last emo post...just hope to see she update her blog from time to time...like she said...one day if i do better, she might come back to my side again...i will live with that ideal of wad she wan coz i belive that there's no one out there is better than LY IS! coz i very sure! if i can live up to her expectation haha i might find a better one? so this is my msg to u~~~haha starting from today, dun say i'm negative! haha ever! i'm just being stubborn:)haha its a joke... hope u dun take it too seriously plz?? haha and ya tml playing badminton also...actually i'm sooo looking forward to this day but thing changed hmm...after that i will be going clubbing with hui xi and her frens...and baby this is my last msg as a bf to u but plz dun puke ok coz its been inside my heart for days so listen yea?...miss u badly...wanted to see u and meet up and go out shopping and catch a movie with u...and i already plan something on our anniversary le...its really ok actaully coz for money issue i have my ways...wad we had been quarrelling on the last week...i just really dunno why i said that...i'm sorry for everything ok just be happy:)muacks!(end) a good bye kiss isn't bad right? this is all i wanted but u said that u couldn't face me...isn't it sad? kk my last msg to u ends here and tonight...with all the memories and ... bye and take care...
~~~it ends tonight 6th April 2009~~~
blog @ 0349hrs On the Wednesday 8th April 2009
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Thursday, April 30, 2009 | 6:18 PM | Top oh well...saw Ly's blog had some changes but who cares? :) back stab or not...wad done is done... truth is spoken and none was not meant to be untold... with nowhere to release my feeling even just by blogging is not enuff... forgiveness is everyday and is everywhere... whether to let go or not, only ourselves knows best... true or not true... it doesn't matter anymore... u cant forget the things that isn't meant to be forgotten but time will slowly turn past into history and history to memories and to story... i dun hope or wish for anything... just dun hate me :) plz spare me... and go away... and for ck, i see u as fren and i hope that u see me as a fren... yes i owe u a lot but wad u shud do, it has to be done... at least as a fren :) yes its my fault but it doesn't mean that u can say things to hurt me even more that time... who know? those who are real fren but not u...so sorry :( i got so sick and tired of my life already and its been a month... after tonight pass 12mn and i will try harder then ever to do wad i shud do... its been an insomnia month for me... slowly devouring my soul... out side, i was happy... enjoy and have fun... once i'm home, the gloomy me starts to fade... still thinking why and how... but who cares? i still need to eat, drink and earn money... after my ns i really dun have time for all this... just hope that i'm fresh and new after spending another 2 yrs in a totally new enviroment... well i will still do the same thing like taking the head of the train... long lost frens are coming back... hope they are good coz right after my personnal matter, i hear lots of news similar to my case...lol god must be shuffling cards hmm which is i find it good :) coz this prove that its time to move but not to stay... now i'm more happy then ever but still feel like something important had gone away but thats fine :) to move on alone seems much more lighter in terms of stress... its better to has a women u love with u though :( i've new aims in my life now... not to say it here and it will remain in my heart... :) yesterday went to St'James with guoz, roy, jeff, hui shi and her jie jie... go and enjoy only :) drink quite a lot also... haiz some how around 1:30am, something happen... one of our gal fren name chelsea go and create trouble... starting we thought it was guoz got problem but end up is chelsea... the story was dunno how they dance, end up this chelsea punch him 2 time at his face then he cant take it and so he punch her back 1 time... zzz its like obviously is her fault la zzz the guy is ok but keep saying wad guys pride all that and that chelsea keep saying i wont take this matter lightly lor... u can practically see everyone there taking hp and call... anyway end up guoz, roy, jeff and i say good bye to hui shi and head to thai disco/pub name 72...went there to chill and have a martell to drink... after that we went home... CANT SLP AT ALL!!! until morning zzz still cant slp... until now haiz...jsut now met tiger haha and a chat and walk him to the bus stop then come back home blogging... gonna play dota with elroy later zzz keep asking me play dota with him..ALWAYS zzz k le la update next time :) ppl here plz dun play back stab... if u wan back stab, plz dun let me know who are u... and dun put words into my mouth ever again... hope that after tonight, my life would be much better one :)
Thursday, 30th of April 2009
blog @ 2225hrs
Tuesday, April 28, 2009 | 7:58 AM | Top over the last weekend, i went to hui shi's sister's wedding dinner:) haha yrs nvr seen her she look so different now and in the pic too haha! i wore a long sleeve and a blazzer to attend the wedding...met hui shi's mei mei name shuling...met her at boon keng mrt station hmm we both though that we are very late and so we decided to take cab to Exelsior Hotel...eh ended up we reach there and still have to wait zzz haha anyway once we reach the entrance, the groom and bride and their parents are all standing there and we shake hand haha they were smilling and laughing all the way coz its a happy day!!! their daughter and son are both getting married yea! after 5yrs of relationship...ups and downs and finally there they are:) feel so happy for them hmm me? haha wait long long bah...haiz well later that night, hui shi called me up and tell me a breaking news...but end up everythings seems fine thank god:)? haha we chat till morning 6am++ then sleep...was very tired and yet i still can chit chat haha! arh~~~coz i'm used to it le mah and thx to her LOL...well for monday, we meet up again...went to meet her at rivervale mall...she went there and bought a lot of 4d LOL and cost her 159SGD LOL EXAGGERATING?? up to u to guess:) after that i went to her house haha just to realise that we are bring her sister's dog out...its name is call Dino haha cute right? lol sorry no photo provided...actually they pronouce it as deeno lol...anyway, we went out after we sqeeuez him into a bag...haha we were rejected by the bus driver so we decided to take cab...hmm we went to yishun to look for jiejie who is hui shi's BF's sister lol coz she wanted to go shopping so after we meet her up, we went to bishan first then amk...coz it seems like amk have more shops and things to see than bishan...bishan is BORING...after finishing our shopping trip, we decided to go back yishun for dinner but ended up i'm eating dinner alone lol...anyway thx to hui shi, we ended up drinking soft drinks and juice lol...coz jie jie wanted to drink beer i guess...after dinner, we went to take a walk with dinner haha see hui shi running up and down haha! she look happy:) hope she stay this happy forever and hope that her bf treat her well if not i'm gonna BOX HIM wahaha! for today...erm practically nth much...went to pubs again...from bout quay to shenton way after having 2 jars of beer, and then 3 bottle of Martell ZZZZ and i VOMITED LOL too much for me...anyway haha i had fun there haha! went dj play his music, we were all dancing with the thai gal there haha and erm grind her wahaha! it was crazy la but this is not all i wanted...just having "fun"...after tonight, i really dunno whether to continue my life "playing" around of just be my usual self...staying at home doing nth just simple...haiz nvm i still have time to think...and ops! went i was drunk in the pub, i send a msg to hui shi that i wasn't intend to send de but...if things keep inside my heart for long, i will feel very saffocated...and her reply was hmm anyway its not a big deal...gonna slp now...its a miracle that i was soo drunk tonight and vomited...still haven slp till this hour LOL...bye gonna update next time:)Tuesday, 28th of April 2009blog @ 0822hrs
Thursday, April 23, 2009 | 3:24 AM | Top today went to St'James again! haha yea clubbing all the way for me...today is R&B so haha basically we dance all the way haha today is very fun coz i feel giddy even dun have not yet drink anything so i'm in the mood to dance LOL...sianzzz just recovering from fever only, people just keep asking me out...and ya i think i'm really quitting smoking this time though still feel a bit akward without it but i'm still ok without it:)after this pack i'm gonna stop totally coz it seems like i cant even smoke a stick properly...my days now is like relax...no job...watch shows...documentory...doing nth...sianzzz going army on the 12th of June how sad is this...haiz tml going out again but dunno going where...this morning buddy called asking me to help call her boss to tell her that she's sick and cant really speak due to no voice...she wanted a conference but dunno why whenever i switch to conference, she just couldn't hear us so ended up me talking to her boss...really kana shoot dead by her boss zzz she's an ass hole from the inside slut on the out front...i'm hating her now...the next time she ask us to go her house mahjong i will not go...she her face feel like slaping her already...funny lor after done my talk with her i straight away go slp coz i'm soo tired la then hui shi keep sms me lol...just let me slp can? haha anyway i'm very tired now...luckily we human being use leg to walk and dance but use hand to write...k le going to watch bleach then go slp le nights!Thursday, 23rd April 2009blog @ 0506hrs
Sunday, April 19, 2009 | 11:57 PM | Top its been weeks and i still find it to hard to belive that she's forever gone...it is too tormenting for me but what to do? i'll spend another two years to forget her in my army days i should say...going to serve Singapore on 12th of June...people say that they scared their girlfriend has a change of heart while we are in NS but what about they changed before we go NS? this can be a total lost for some people...dunno what to do just like me...*sigh*no matter what i do or where i go, everywhere is her shadow...her back view...what should i do??? help!~~~i thought i can do it but it seems like i'm just weak...thats all...oh well...how can i transcend time? anyway lets talk about other thing...yap not going to Genn's wedding but got invited by Hui Shi's sister's wedding dinner haha! going to wear formal on that day and cut my hair also....haiz still sick here...tml still need to work coz need cash now in order to play haha! anyway when my days are up, i'll be there...2 years...2 years is all i need...
Monday, 20th April 2009
blog @ 0122
Friday, April 17, 2009 | 9:45 PM | Top h 3 l l 0! i'm back...this few days nvr really blog coz i'm working plus fall sick...oh well another 4days had just passed things changed faster than i thought and this 2 week i have been very happy too! hehe shell share a little with u all here...i'm not a christian but a half buddhist...few days away went to meet hui shi but she's late and haven reach home yet so i decided to wait for her somewhere but i'm soo urgent that i feel like my bladder is going explode to i decided to go to this temple which near her place...so ya after releasing my "stress" there, went to pray awhile...and saw this few boards with zodiac discriptions on it...went to read mine and i was suprised by wad its been written there...it says eh...for my love this year, there will be a third party and erm...forgot abt the rest liaoz...really suprise...so how shud i react? haha all is destine? hmm wadever...yesterday went to play mahjong with hui shi for the fact the i'm still having fever! haha! and lose abt 12 buck haha nvm! for the fun anyway i still have money haha! for today...haiz nvr really done anything just slp ad slp...and haha she fall sick too..haiz see her work so hard everyday just wanted to get slim by eating pills and vomitting hope she's fine and wish that her BF can treat her better if not i'm really going to box him...haiz how i wish that i can turn back time...turn back to around the end of 2006 coz now i think that it was my last chance but i nvr treasure it so i think its too late now coz everything seems to be set already...she's gonna get married next year so hmm ya i'm there for her coz i dun wan to let her feel lonely...sound bastard and selfish and i know that but these is the the only things i can do for her as a buddy...just hope that miracle happen:)and btw i hate ppl put words into my mouth...malign my for the things that i nvr said be4...how heartening is this...even now i still feel the pain in my chest though i had already over with it...but still has to thx her parent for bringing me to cruise though and her auntie and uncle are good ppl:)...just now i was happily slping...not until ppl keep calling in...first was elroy...second was hengky..third was ck and Ly...zzz i rmb i pass the motherboard manual for her to read it but it seems like she nvr read lor...erm this is my advice for ppl that own computer HERE~~~plz read any useful material and open up ur cpu from time to time to do some checking so that you can familarize with ur computer...and haha that time i told Ly that i want to help her do her computer but she insisted that she dun need my help and will try her best...if cannot then say lol...well she doesn't even know wads sata and IDE but cant blame her coz she's not familiar with these sort of things...well so now i guess she's cracking her head and dunno wad to do coz i 4got to pass her the OS disc...w/o that she cannot do refomat haha...anyway she got so many ppl that can help her wad so i shall see...AND I HATE PEOPLE WHO PUT WORDS INTO MY MOUTH OK! AND THE ONE HAD CHANGED IS NOT ME BUT YOU!Friday, 16th April 2009blog @ 2243hrs
Monday, April 13, 2009 | 1:13 AM | Top yesterday had been to clubs and pubs just to find ways to release my self from this torment...well now i know why it's April Fool month...i've been making a fool out of myself...thought that everything will be good...anyway this may BE my last blog...for good coz it seems like our promises had expired...i need to go now...to start anew...actually u had misunderstood...wad for reason? no point le coz its already over...
Monday, April 13th 2009
Blog @ 0126hrs
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Saturday, April 11, 2009 | 8:57 AM | Top ~~~it started on 20th April~~~
its a happening night tonight...this evening went to look for Guoz at town...yea! and i finally found my earpiece! its was in a cupboard near the shoes shelve at punggol...took mrt down and found myself alight at the wrong stop...manage to reach dhoby ghuat but then again...walk to the wrong place...scan the card already and found myself at plaze singapura ZZZ well, i went back to scan the card and took a train to orchard...walk like zombie, everyone was looking at me like anytime i will become mad man LOL...haiz the flooring of the orchard road had this blue neon light in it and every square metres away has another one...walking while looking at it remind me that there's a pic we took together at some where near bugis de bus top...coz this effect of that pic is also blue blue de...reach Guoz working place, i smile at him and he smile back haha! well...he told me a lot wad happen to him recently and for him not to be the first few who know wad happen to me, was like why? wad happen...so ya told him everything and haha he got a totally different saying...wad he said makes me feel much more comforting than wad i had been hearing this few days...well his job there is kinda slack...so after much talking and waiting he finally knock off at 9pm+...and haha i'm soo touch coz of me he has to leave his bike there and pei me sobs THANK YOU GUOZ! walking around the orchard and went to basement of TAngs...to find something to eat and bought some finger food...actually earlier on, his fren(aaron) called him to ask him go clubbing tonight haha after some discussion, elroy, guoz and i decided to go...eh the place is at near Vivo call St'James Power House...we went to the house music side...woohoo feeling totally different coz for r&b, the rythm is slow so can do somehting like grinding but for house music its like trance and techno...u dance with style instead of slow mo grinding...learn some move from my master Guoz haha! why call him master? coz last time i used to go clubbing with him @ MOS but closed down and i somehow feel a bit sad and nostalgic to club with him once again:)...well went in and i just cant move dunno why!!! went to use the ticket to exchange some alcohol haha! had 2 shots of terquila*pok and 2 wisky coke...and the kick manage to stay as long as till now...later at the end of my blog and u look at the time and u will know wad time izzit now...ya went to the dance floor and dance la haha! manage to enjoy myself more after i'm really drunk...and ya aaron brought some of his fren too but manage to know 2 of them coz one is my junior and the other one eh i dunno who she is till we start a conversation...oh ya forgot to ask which sch she came from zzz anyway, we exchange our handphone number but doubt i will be contacting them if only i feel like i want to...ya my junior wow! he drive a BMW haha damn rich la he told me that he's going to take over he's father's business..hmm hope he will succeed in the future! haha i'm gonna work hard like him:) and ya! the funny part in the dance floor was haha! i'm the christmas tree once again haiz *sobs*...nvm:)i'm used to it haha hard to dance while i'm in christmas tree mode though...at abt 3am+ we were very tired and drunk already and so we decided to leave...damn aaron...he promise us that he will pay for us the cab fare...argh!!! nvm...yea we send GUoz home first then left elroy and me...i wanted to grab a drink but he wanna eat...and i decide to eat also haha...ever since Guoz alight de cab, he keep telling stuff abt he's gf i was like haiz...BATC good night will blog tml again...morning...zzz and ya for the ppl here who want to know which station i alight at first...VIVO zzz and secondly PS basement 1 de couple's lab...
~~~it ends tonight 6th April 2009~~~
blog'ed @ 0652hrs on 11th April
well my mood today is....damn freaking emo...as day passes and near our anniversary...like counting down until that day then my new life will be reborn...hope that my mood for tml is a good one...i wish for her happiness and to let it go as she seems to be feeling happier now...haiz can someone tell me why am i so confuse now...its not that "dunno wad i wan"...its that i'm really messed up...i need an answer...plz show me some sign...well i will try to have faith...but sometime i just feel ah couldn't take it anymore...wad ever i do now is meaningless...after so many days of not eating i come to think of something stupid...if one day i wake up, and realise that there's still another ME slping there...really i'm scared...water feel so cold to me now...scared of bathing also...well like i said above...hope that it will come sooner...can i let it go? i dunno...hmm maybe i'm not confuse anymore?
Labels: to start a new life or not...that depend on my will power
Friday, April 10, 2009 | 5:15 PM | Top ~~~is started on 20th April 2007~~~
i'm now blogging at punggol...2yrs ago de today...nth seems to be happening..i'm still myself:)buddy hui xi lost contact again like it used to be and i already used to it...knew her for so long yet dun dare to show it just dunno why...had my first gf at 16 and broke off after we are like 4months...had my first heart ache this and that...my best fren was tiger then haha he know me best...yap around that time i dun own any computer stuff yet coz had a cold war with my cousin and stop using his comp eventually...tat time was different...a lot of fren...went out together doing stupid stuff...yea after my first break up, i start to change dramatically...eh for the frens that know me now, this is wad i've become and this is me now...am i a nice guy? good or bad? i dunno...am i still frenly? haha i sure that its always some possitive comment...i nvr really had any bad comment abt me...only some said that once i had new fren, i will forget my old fren in fact i'm always there and will be there for them if they call me out its just that they dunno wad i am actually so couldn't really blame them in fact i nvr once blame on any body for anything...in fact they change me:)17 de me, still feeling young and u know de la haha energetic and do crazy stuff...once a fren of mine told me that we smokers are training x2 of the stamina than the non smokers...tat time i agree but now haha its bad for ur health la just hope that he's alright now though we had lost contact for yrs...miss them though all funny guy but reality is that ite fren come and go plus my hp get into trouble once somthing happen to me...hope this time my w910i dun give up on me...my only "mp3" with me...well around that time a good guy will change into something bad too...new some fren that shuden had knew may it bad or good, thats how i came to recontact with my buddy again...was boring at Fisherman Village tat night with one of my brother...the only person i can think of is my buddy hui xi...haha this is how we contact back again haha and this is wad god's plans are...my this brother chio him in the end and i can only feel happy abt him:)and somehow or rather our friendship turn sour coz of her...meet gal can...meeet brother cannot, tats wad he told me...come'on, she's ur gf la zzz haiz 18 de me was a lonely one...with nothing but frens...but i was not contempt coz somewhere in my heart, i'm still thinking of my first ex...wanted to patch back but nth seems to be right and i just delete her contact off hmm i shud say that that's my first wrong move i've done bah haha...anyway we are still fren now but nvr contact though...by know that she's happy now some how feel happy for her:)but every time she ask me to go to her bdae party i nvr turn up haha coz too busy with frens...tats me..dunno how to face her...even now, every time i saw her, my hand will be holding a cigaratte and body will shake then feel giddy...dunno why...19yrs old de me, thats when i feel i'm *old* liaoz...yearning for some love...yes! haha i did spread my love around but nth seems to be right coz i dun dare zzz haha well i feel happy though coz the more i think, the more i feel that there's really this plan thingy in heaven really exist! haha and ya 19yrs old i just got my first own computer and internet...my first few game was O2jam...heard this game long time ago from my fren guoz...this game is really fun...until now i'm still playing:)around that time i really call myself gamer...in fact...i'm lonely...no body know except me:)20 de me i call it the turning point of my life and the long stop pendulum start swining again...well it seems like i couldn't wait till 12th then blog abt it...as usual...playing for a few round of O2jam...staying in the room of 8 ppl playing till all gone then i will find other room to play again...somehow or rather, i did something that i yet done in in the past in any game...saw ppl adding each other like no body's business...so well was like hmm since u all like to add each other hotmail why not i tag along too? haha but i thought tat no one will add me but haha! one of them prove me wrong! and this perticular one is really special haha super frenly but somehow i'm scared of her also initially...but haha dunno why hmm really! haha had first phone conversation with a gal that i dun really know...for that long somemore that day coming morning le and its first day of our school! haha i was in the 2nd term while she's start of her 2nd yr in ite...we chat on phone for a week straight and finally we meet up...in that week, this special feeling slowly grow and well end up had some feeing for her...as far as i know now, she has this special attraction through her...dunno how to explain but thats how it is la...ya and so we decided to skip school and meet up that friday hmm not bad i still remember coz its 20th of April...haha initially i thought she will nvr turn up coz i was waiting for her sms reply at punggol mrt...was thinking wa lau...if no reply i go home liaoz...coz seldom gals will ask me out 1 on 1 somemore except last time la...with sisters haha i know this is something different hmm haha but she DID REPLY! haha i will cut short coz i scared ppl that scared of my compo mah haha ;p we eventually end up together and really each days passes, we are like the deeper we fall:)as in more and more loving...though its been a long time i've changed, it seems like something nvr change and thats my stubborness...its really killing me...we had our up and down and finally...the pendulum is stopping...gradually...slowly...time to blog abt wad i did ytd...after zouk out that night, went home...couldn't slp in fact i nvr even slp...try not be late i reach mich place sharp at 11am only to find out that they are late! haha saw mich cooking stuff and it was 3/4 done hmm abt 1145hrs they reach...Ly and owen...we sat down and eat...well mich, i'm so sorry ah coz i acutally dun feel like eating but i manage to finish it haha and its nice:)yea went to play badminton and then wilson turn up...he's good haha a singapore youth badminton player...wish to play with him next time all out:)in the court...heard things that i dun like but there's nth i can do now...really...we are like on a split road...one going north and the other going south...but will we see each other again? coz no matter which direction we take that day, we will surely see each other at the starting point and then split again, again and again...and ya SORRY LY for my smash to landed on u tat day...the feeling is like haiz cut away my arm bah...lol haiz its like no matter wad i do...it hurts ppl around me...anyway we played for 3hours and like dead la haha but i just wanted to go on...and at that point my right arm is already shaking badly coz i stop playing badminton for a long time...wanted to train back though:)not for any person but myself and want to beat my opponent haha! i have rival now! haha WILSON! TILL NEXT TIME! haha nah its a joke coz i can nvr beat him with experience coz he's been playing all the while while i stop playing...anyway we leave the court at abt 1630hrs...wow! the feeling of dun wan to leave really hurt...bye bye 3 time if i'm not wrong...and the most funny part is i cried all the way home LOL uncles aunties look at me like wtf lor NNB nvr see ppl cry be4 meh haha!...went home and watch my sassy gal awhile haha the korean version de...then went to meet my buddy hui xi...i thought i'm gonna be late but ended up wait for her like an hour lol! i pig coz i old liaoz mah but got ppl seems older than me wahaha! nah joking:)yea after she reach, went to buy cigarattes and smoke...went to find her bf sister...dunno wad happen after that day i emo wa lau we all 3 like damn emo la...hui xi is like got problem with her bf and same to the sister...went to have dinner with them...no appetite though...its like the morning fried rice is still in my stomach LOL MICH! WHICH KIND OF RICE U USE??? haha! thx for ur rice that wont digust haha! we chit chat awhile then went over to hui xi's boss lady house to play mahjong WEE~~~wa lau! if anyone of u here know how to play mahjong, there's this perticular round i played, I GOT ALL THE ANIMAL LA!!! walau! straight away win $2 each haha! anyway we played for 1 round meaning north, first round, south, second round, east, third round lastly west...so this is wad we mean by 1round...4:1 tats the ratio...so next time if ppl say they played 24round(quan) meaning 24*4=96 which is 96:24...actually why we play mahjong le its becoz one of the boss lady's son just had a break up too haha so we kinda share the same fate REALLY the same fate la haha! LY!! I CAN BARELY SEE IT NOW HAHA! hmm i shall keep on going...we share our thoughts haha! like old fren lol! then hui xi there laugh...siad that we shud exchange number since we are like old fren but i insist tat i wont...i told them that if we really are fren, we will somehow see each other again and by then we will be fren:)after we chat finish its already like coming 4am haha! but manage to reach home abt 0430hrs...wa once i reach punggol...straight away went into emotional state...i sit at the place where i used to slack, smoke and listen song there...cried again all the way i went home and bathe...puggol lahggy best...really...BEST AH! i shud say...it seems like my eyes all dried up liaoz...no more water liaoz then manage to fall aslp...wake up at abt noon ... cccrrryyyyy again haiz...after awhile, i finally tell myself that i shud 4get abt her...though its sad...seriously i couldn't bare to forget her lor...if i really forget her i will feel guilty...dunno why...but i know somehow or rather, i will and this will be the pass coz i'm going to ns soon le...this news is really bad for me and a good one...bad is i got no time to enjoy more le...bad is will emo there dying there...i guess i will make that 2 yrs in ns my life to the fullet bah but i hope that by then i'm still living on with "our" memory as much as possible...this 23months and 5days of memory is like we had been together for decades to me..thank you Liyan...and many sorry...just hope that its the good thats with u now and the bad is with me ok! i think i cant let it go now but we still got promises so i will waork hard in it de...the bottom line is i'll let go and move on...without u:)but deep inside my heart...u will still be there...its not the time but the effort:)BATC will blog again
~~~it ends tonight 6th April 2009~~~
blog @ 1711hrs On 10th April
Edit @ 0521hrs On 11th April
Labels: for me to let go is just too sad for me
Thursday, April 9, 2009 | 2:33 AM | Top ~~~it started on 20th April 2007~~
haha just came back from zuok...now the song there at phuture is sooo boring...but still haha dance dance here and there...ever since yrs ago...so long nvr dance feel a bit strange lol...went there with my buddy, my ex(irritating) and some of my buddy's fren...eh hmm! why irritating? coz i'm there wanna quiet down but she keep talking to me... some more today wa lau she and her bf quarrell coz her bf is sooo possesive of her....even wad she wear all this nd to report to him and so she went out with me this afternoon by lying to him that she went out with hui xi...and ya...today afternoon finally met billy and 2 of his camp mate...went to watch Grand Torino....well its a show abt ur whole life...ur regrets and how to sacrifice for other ppl and repent but they feel that its a boring show other than me la haha...when we were in the cinema, wa lau they so noisy la i some how dun use to it...i keep using my hat as a volume tuner lol...then my ex(jana) keep disturbing me...dunno why they wan to sit couple seats zzz a bit piss off and scared of her also...after the show, we went to bugis and slack while waiting for hui xi...nearly 3hrs then she turn up...and waited for another half an hour to wait for her frens...in between the time, jana keep pestering...keep ask me to pei her go here and there...i just tell her that i only pei u go buy cigarrette...coz its near mah...other than that...u go yourselves coz she wanted to go bugis village just to buy water yet macdonald is just in front of us only...wa lau kk nvm only after hui xi reach i then have my peace zzz so ya after her frens reached, we went to bus stop and take a bus to zuok...next time if u scared too many ppl right? u purposely go there late then there will be no queue and just go buy ur ticket and go in and enjoy:)once we are inside, haha jana quickly go find her bf coz i think they break up or wad la...dun give a damn...just too irritating keep ask me whether still have other guys want her or not...ASK URSELF LA GET A LIFE !!! hmm it seems like i hate her very much hah! yea she did betray me real hard last time...and ya after she found her boy, we just go and find "territory"...really cramp up...we quickly went to buy and exchange liquor after we found our place:)haha we dance half way, saw wj's brother's frenss LOL they came in like still haven drunk yet so still ok...when we are abt to leave, oh man saw him alone...i also dunno why...walking out of the dance floor like snake LOL bang here bang there then come fall into my LOL then ask me where wei xin they all LOL i was like wow~! not bad! still can remember my name ah? haha! i couldn't find them too so i just tell him that ah cant find them...LOL after that he straight chio me go dance floor! LOL but i tell him that i'm leaving...haha he seem sad though and happy LOL and went back to the dance floor like zzz lol so after we leave the place, hui xi's fren go home first and left the both of us and yea jana left with her boy first...so hui xi and i slack there awhile then take cab home...wa lau wanted to go back punggol tonight but until the cab reach seng kang then i found out that i forgot the bring keys!! OMG!! so yea...i'm home now at bendemeer...haiz cried again in the cab all the way home...finally stop...but still scared to enter both house as all momeries...but still i have to slp de right? haha but also dunno how to slp coz no bolster...very xin ku de neh:(....think i shud go back punggol and bring back all my barang barang...dun care wad my parent say liaoz coz i just need my bolster!! if not, when i slp like i use my leg to hug my third pillow and use my arms to hug my second pillow and the finally pillow..of coz my head la haha! everything changed instantly...right now, i just done cooling my self down...blogging...going to bathe soon hmm this morning i just remembered 2 songs which is interesting:)first song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oN1dRccOXU song name call 不要用我的爱来伤害我 in english mean dun use my love to hurt me haha after listen to this song, i came to have once another naive thinking that did i really return all the love she gave me back to her already? but anyway hope she's not sad coz if she does, me too...and this second song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqDE6gliQgk song name call 北极星的眼泪 in english mean the northern star's tears...this song its abt he who hope that he can have the time to wait for metoer rain to fall and finally to make a wish...wish that everything can change but reality just couldn't give in for them...but every road, every pathment, any shopping once he went together with her, the memory is still there but as day passes, it become more and more futher away from him and when the right person is there yet its just the wrong timing...haiz sorry...i'm so dead emo again...but then again i know...its all my fault that i've gave her such a sluggish character...damn! haha must be happy! Yo!Yo! sian...can finish early de lor then my fren elroy called...come'on! tml i got things to do man! yea he's just having problem too...gf nvr even contact him...isn't it more sad? dun like or love him just say la haha wa lau everything make clear mah...why must one couple start when there's no loving?? right? haiz then again...today nvr eat...think i'm waiting for the breakfast they making tml haha! i'm hungry!! but no appetite...just cannot eat but drink liquor only...i'm now still sehseh de...haha k le la have to go bathe le...chou chou de...smelly smelly haha
~~~it ends tonight 6th April 2009~~~
blog @ 0432hrs On Thursday 9th April
Wednesday, April 8, 2009 | 2:09 AM | Top ~~~it started on 20th April 2007~~~
i finally got home today...for this house i'm staying...feeling colder and colder going to freeze soon...i only have memories of her for this house...other than that its nothing...still asking myself...why?? why am i like this??? i can change but it seems my stubborness had already taken over my soul and body...scared of coming back here after we broken up...really...perhaps wad i had been done is all futile...i know that she sacrifice for me a lot more than i can imagine...but only if i can open up to her more...my heart is still closed and just being naive:) just hope for the better i guess? no...i'm just self delusionizing...seriously up to this point, looking at my comp and everything i had now...only if i can do more for her than my computer, just more than wad i treasure now(perhaps my computer...obsession)then i can move on...i'm just being selfish...too selfish i shud say...i had been thinking that izzit really i love her more or just that i love myself more...but the truth is that, YES i haven gave enuff and or a NO...i gave a proportion of myself...well wad's been done cannot undone...i just wan to belive and the truth is that i once let the person i love the most down...in fact ALWAYS...this is just sooo sad...junwei, why why why why why whyy whyw hyw hwy???? too many regrets till i cant breath...but i still wan to belive that she hurts more than i do now...so for us to drift apart might be infact, the most critical solution...i knew its been my fault always but . . . . feeling the pain now:) cant eat cant slp but i somehow know that time will still move on no matter how i'm feeling now...i finally realise that just time, it wasn't enuff...wads sufficient is feeling towards someone and to open up and to give who ever u love...everything...maybe i still not good enuff to be anyones' bf this is so sad...i yearn for love and its in front of me yet nvr treasure...but still tresure the most loveable moment together with her:) when we are together, nth can really explain that feeling... u know? going out with the gal u love? hehe this is just sooo sweet:) but like i say...i'm too stubborn:(...negative? no...its stubborn:)...i had nth left to move on only a dead shell with no megazines to reload...i will still become the same old me...doing the things that shuden do...its a taboo but promises still have to be kept deep and make it happen one day:) i just need time to heal and i wish that she live happier than ever after we leave each other:) i wish that she can break lose of wad thats had been tying her up this yrs and wish that she find a guy who can really treat her better than me(EHHH buay hiao bite) haha baby,(this is the last time i'll will be calling her that) baby, i'll just know that u are happy as for now and the future and hmm ---blank--- be happy ok? dun worry abt me:) i just want u to be happy and i'll be satisfied:) i know it takes time and i will be a better man in the future:) and until that day, i hope it isn't to late or too soon... i will still quietly wish for ur happiness...i wont do stupid things ok? but using a penknife to shave...lol! need a real shaver real soon...i will still blog and i hope that u r the one here to see wad i have wrote with my stories haha! i promise...i wont leave the one i most alone anymore... ...but if u wanna cry! cry in my shoulder! haha i still rmb that song and the "how did i fall in love with u"...thats the most memorial song i have ever knew thx to u:) well will share my love around once i'm getting better...i have a feeling that i'm gonna fall sick this few days haha luckily i nvr went to eat ROJAK haha if not i think i will be hospitalise some where in town haha! (if u read the news abt the geylang serai rojak food poisoning stall)... haha i still as "lor soh" as i am right? haha and a cry baby too:) just hope that everything will change in the future:) how abt i change my nick to "changedme" in the future when i'm really changed? haha! learn that from u de haha! baby, the puzzle i bought for u, i will finish it in due time and pass it to u...u can throw away or wad:) i'm just scared that ur parent will nag haha! coz its just too big for ur room! haha-_-'' alright...time to say abt wad i've done for today...today i meet a fren name hui xi...she's a buddy to me haha perhaps something more in the pass but thats de pass la hor...coz this few week she had been feeling down for some reason...and plus i jsut broken up with my gf and i couldn't really stay put in my place so i decided to meet her and some more the frens i have just wont pick up my call zzz the only fren is currently in ns and the other one is like handicap la...(elroy..ops!)...went to her work place and help her lady boss on the internet problem(NOT AGAIN!!)*sigh*after that, went to meet her bf's sister and one of her guy fren...sit down and drank 5 bottles of carlsberg hmm think i miss count...was really drunk(ops!) just keep chatting and i'm like the entertainer there lol despite wad i've gone through but until we went to a playground to slack, i couldn't take it...fall to the ground and just stunt there lol! they known wad happen and one by one come over and *preach* me...lol really cant take it anymore, i cried...non stop...by knowing its my fault, i couldn't stop...for 1hr? nah...i'm even more sad sitting here typing...for today...i couldn't eat and for the pass few days i couldn't slp...i knew something would happen but how to avoid it yet it seems inevitable to me! just to blame myself for everything...yea right i'm emo but oh well...time is everything i need and i wont let time push me...i will change and i will make time! and ya hui xi's lady boss and her boss are good ppl...i might get a job there but its like another odd job only if i'm qualify for their admin work which seems to have suficient ppl there sad...haha but dun worry...wad gone is forever gone...i love u for who u r but reality just couldn't bare us...i will change that...i'm masterwei LOL i just hope that i still can see her for the rest of my life...or just to watch her secrectly from behind and i will be satisfied...wad can i do? as for now i'll struggle to get out of this life for good and push hard forward...some time still will feel sad though infact for the rest of my life...but ifs there's a chance, this time i will really...kk enuff talk...i still have to wake up early for their hand made breakfast...but dunno i can slp or not leh sian...maybe wad i really need is to confide god...maybe that's where my salvation lies...only if i couldn't do it alone la...coz for me to go church...its commitment...and ya...i will nvr let anyone pay for anything...i will do things within my reach and with confident...like for example marriage...if in the mere yrs...still no money...i wont drag anyone with me de...i will change in fact its changing and the result hmm take yrs? after ns? I WAN TO BE IN NEWSPAPER FRONT PAGE!!!! as a really great person...not for anyone but me, myself and for the person deep in side my heart...it will nvr change:) even for my first ex...i see her now how happy she is and though in the pass, we diden really has any conflict...i just realise why she broken up with me last yr when i first saw her after merely 4 yrs...things change..ppl change...but the only thing that will nvr change is time:) though it will lag by one second some time haha...WOW! this is my first time in yrs i have typed so many! haha just to be happy...maybe LY will find it disturbing but this will be the last emo post...just hope to see she update her blog from time to time...like she said...one day if i do better, she might come back to my side again...i will live with that ideal of wad she wan coz i belive that there's no one out there is better than LY IS! coz i very sure! if i can live up to her expectation haha i might find a better one? so this is my msg to u~~~haha starting from today, dun say i'm negative! haha ever! i'm just being stubborn:)haha its a joke... hope u dun take it too seriously plz?? haha and ya tml playing badminton also...actually i'm sooo looking forward to this day but thing changed hmm...after that i will be going clubbing with hui xi and her frens...and baby this is my last msg as a bf to u but plz dun puke ok coz its been inside my heart for days so listen yea?...miss u badly...wanted to see u and meet up and go out shopping and catch a movie with u...and i already plan something on our anniversary le...its really ok actaully coz for money issue i have my ways...wad we had been quarrelling on the last week...i just really dunno why i said that...i'm sorry for everything ok just be happy:)muacks!(end) a good bye kiss isn't bad right? this is all i wanted but u said that u couldn't face me...isn't it sad? kk my last msg to u ends here and tonight...with all the memories and ... bye and take care...
~~~it ends tonight 6th April 2009~~~
blog @ 0349hrs On the Wednesday 8th April 2009
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Misc
Anything extra goes here.
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