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Saturday, January 12, 2008 | 5:05 AM | Top my ugly side, underneath my mask... i use to think that i'm not that kind of person but the problem now proved that i'm actually is that kind of person... wad person? selfish, jealous, self pity, shy, etc... i really dun have any self confident but why? coz of the way my family brought me up and the limits of my height that makes me like that... and wad more? i can really say words that make ppl hate me that much... maybe i'm a devil? think too much boy... maybe i'm still immature and still childish in a way... i really wanna break away from this kind of cycle...how?? someone plz help me... i'm far more worse now, really dunno who i am... i'm now back in the abyss ready to be eaten by darkness again but there's light shining inside still despite the height from where i let loose off from her... why all this?? coz i'm the one letting loose off my fingers one by one from her, stupid aye? build too much flame will burn yourselves someday thats the lesson i learn in this scenario... actually i cant ask for help now coz if i dun get up and climb back up now, no body is going to help me... there's glimps of hope right now so dun disappoint me now... my bad habit was to think negatively and can be real emo some time... and play with my own thinking and my own feelings... own feeling is not like wad you think, its actually like for example; i tell my self that i'm not hungry but actually i am hungry that kind... and the other kind is to oppose other's ppl idea and thinking though i know that they are right... all these might be an excuse but i'm sure is changing real fast... i that type of guy that will really learn from mistake if there's a second chance... but i hate second chance... why? once a thing that happens once, it will happen again... right? haiz i'm so pathetic... i really hate myself some time but i dunno why i hate myself that much than hating other's in fact the ppl that i hate really bring pain in my life and that makes me even more pain... like being used or betray by some one close to you... like one of my god bro though he is 1 year younger than me... why? i respect him like i respect every single fren i have... there's many bad point about me... in fact way too many... the most bad ones is like lack of self confident and hating myself... baby, i say this just to let you know my little secrets that was hidden in my heart... can you change me? haha but i'll try to change myself first... seriously all this years i've been living with regrets... shud i take back or shud i let it go? it all depend on me le... dun wanna have any regret be4 ppl hating me... i guess i got too much thoughts inside me... how shud i let it loose leh? any idea? hehe i would like to hear it from anyone of you that read my blog haha... eh other than drunk or drug, the rest shud be okay for me... anyway, i must face the real me now... no more nagetice thoughts... i'm f r e e ~~~ haha after talking to baby awhile really make my heart bumps real fast... just now was so anxious... scared that she will say something but end up never... i feel so releive and happy that the first things she said is "baby, i miss you so much"... i did really miss you too... and baby, from now on, i'll try not to oppose my own thoughts and i'll say the things i want to say ok? i love you~~~muacks! eh baby, can you tell me secretly? wad actually you did be4 you hang up the phone that night i mean just now? hehe haiz baby, this few weeks had been not myself and i'm very sorry to let things happens until like that... know wad dear, we are about to step into chapter 2 le you know? just few steps ahead... i try to grab back your worm hand again ok? i read your blog and i was like oh no! i've been black listed lol... wa~~~about to 6am liaoz... blog next time bah... wanna join baby at lala land le... baby, the real thing is that i just miss you badly... 8 more days to our 9th month... good luck to us...5:46am/0546hrs
Thursday, January 10, 2008 | 3:25 AM | Top today wake up at 8am but not going school, yet... today's feeling is worst than yesterday... really wanted to slp but cant... guess i miss baby too much... eat 2 slices of bread and then begin to watch the show called Mothman Prophercies that i borrowed from baby... it isn't a horror film like baby claimed to be... its just a thriller but anyway, its better not to watch it alone coz you might get scared... wads the film about? go find it yourselvse coz i lazy type... anyway its just about prophercies and ppl dying... after the show finish, went online to see whether baby online or not but she's not so i play some games and then go bathe after that... call my classmate and they told me that they are at safra playing pool and bowling... so i went to safra and look for them...lol for pool, i lost to elroy.. why? wasn't concentrating at all haha but for bowling i won elroy's ex by 1 point LOL by the way, for the information, i got only 99 point for bowling lol... after that, i had my lunch there and head back to school after that... ah~~~~go back draw that stupid mouse again... we decided to leave about 4:30pm... LOL saw our teacher and omg haha she ask us why we leave so early haha we just like erm pretended that we nvr saw her like that lor lol haha... went back to bendemeer awhile to get something... leave there at about 6pm and reach home about 7:30pm... had my dinner and then go online to look for baby... we play some games but after awhile, i went to play dota with hengky all... about 3am, baby give me one last call for today before she went to bed... talk about lot of stuff until she told me that she's very excited about going for car licence coz her dad is going to sponsor her... then she told me that she's going for school de instead of private de... if my memory is right, private de shud be cheaper than school then she argued and said that her ex told her de and say dunno this and that... i'm right here telling her and yet she says that... like trust other ppl than her own bf... i'll go confirm again... if i'm wrong then i'm sorry... anyway its up to your daddy to choose and i'm just giving you some informations... then nvm... then suddenly say wad eh must study hard then next time will be rich... i know la i'm poor now... if you despice me say la(=_=''' siao)... for studies, i already know that but i dunno why she had to say that... dun really understand... maybe she despice me(=_=''' not again???)... after all i come from a poor and a broken family... but this is not what i wanted, its fated to be this way and what i can only do is to study hard... of coz i know... anyway, for the car licence thing, i think i say too much le la... anyway, no point talking about this and that... guess wont be meeting baby this weekend... but if she finds a day or two, hmm maybe we'll meet up bah... she's having cramps this and that... lots of pain have been stressing her this few days and i can kinda feel it... just hope that the pain will go away in no time or just let me bare the pain sua...^_^ just hope that she's feeling better now or later and happy going out... and baby, next time i'll sure pick up your call no matter wad de k?^_^without fail...like i said in the sms earlier...and take real care... i'll("v")her L O V E 4ever...muackls! 20th April is coming...4:02am/0402hrs
Monday, January 7, 2008 | 11:44 PM | Top today school re-open saw lots of freshman... nth much actually coz every body is like slacking except for the first lesson... when i step into the class, my teacher already start of with a new chapter and its already half way through... Zzz wake up early la today about 6am++ but reach school at about reaching 9am lol... had my lunch at 10am then go back to class about 1030am and teacher release us at about 11am... isn't it cool?? Zzz after that i decided to go to my old house to slack awhile... end up leaving there at about 10pm... lol i'm pratically doing nth la today... then baby told me that she's going to east coast with her cousins haha bet she's been sweating a lot lately hehe i know she's been busy with her family so as i; had to standby for my final exam too... work hard ar junwei if not liyan dun wan you in the future then know wahaha~~~ k la gonna slp le... very tired but feel like talking to baby more but haiz... i really bth liaoz bye bye going to slp le... nights Zzz love you baby muacks!11:57pm/2357hrs
Sunday, January 6, 2008 | 4:19 PM | Top wow today is the 6th day of Jan 2008 and its been a while i blog... how i celebrate my new year? haha went to hengky's chalet with elroy, choon yan, yu xi(china guy), kelvin and two of their ex-classmate... we start our countdown by spraying bangalahs haha its so fun la haha... after counting down and spraying, we went back to our chalet and start bbq... and anyway, you guys wont know that those bags of heavy bbq stuff, only elroy and me carry de ok! haha scared i grow shorter lols... during bbq, we drink and eat haha and elroy was the first one kana k'o by me haha i keep asking him to bottom up the beers haha anyway, that day he also quite sad la coz he was hoping thaT he can patch back with his ex gf that day but she nvr turn up.. thats wad make him so sad... sobs wad a sad story... guess they aren't suitable for each other from the starting... anyway after i drunk him and went back to chalet, vodka come and i was so regretted that i drunk elroy with beer haiz shud drunk him with vodka and surely see him vomit misery'ly haha anyway, i haven even start eating and i start drinking first haha the worst is that i actually pour one full glass of vodka haha and i shouted ON THE ROCK!! and drank it all haha... after that, hengky kep serving me with food sia haha i eat till i suan sia but feel like vomit sia haha... and know wad, its been so freaking long since i get drunk hehe guess baby liyan did keep me well and keep holding me back hehe eh guess some time i shud let my self out but i really wanna see baby how drunk am i so that i can ly on her laps and sayang by her hehe ops! after all the eating and drinking, help heng pack stuff and went up back to chalet... first time i did was rush into toilet and vomit haha and know wad?! i saw blood LOL well i guess its too much for a sick patient to be drunk and bbq stuff... after that i feel a lot better man... and the fun part just started... i start to miss my baby liyan badly omg! not long after that, misses became kee siao! lol! i stand up and really drunk and could not controll me self end up falling down on the floor with that big tv there haha~! end up calling room service for some technical problem haha i keep saying sorry to gongzu and heng but they say nvm haha and they were laughing at me la haha that was about 4-5am already but it seems like elroy and gongzu cant slp... kelvin and choon yan are already so soundly already... elroy and gongzu keep on talking about ghost thing so loudly that i couldn't slp at all la... so noisy, all i can hear was elroy's voice... bo bian, i wake up and chat with them also... until 8am+ choon yan, yu xi and elroy decided to go home and left kelvin, heng, gongzu and me... i cant slp again know why? their hp keep ringing la Zzz anyway i manage to slp and wake up at 3pm... called baby whether wanna join us for escape haha she agree and i was sooo happy hehe!! cant wait to see her hehe she reach about 4pm+ and we went to escape hehe and we play la haha baby and i won 2 soft toy haha... anyway, we play until the whole theme park close then we went to buy our dinner and went back to chalet and eat it with bbq stuff... leave there about 1130pm... hehe took last bus and send baby back home... when we was in the bus, we had a little talk and she fall aslp hehe its been so long that she actually slp so soundly in my arms hehe i feel so happy then that i had a soo loving cute baby hehe after i send her home, i went home too... and hmm thats how i celebrate my new year eve for 2007... this year happen lot of things happen and somehow, its connect in a big circle coz my life had changed ever since 2005... why? dun wanna talk about now coz long story... anyway life has to move on with regret, torment and erm... nvm i'm happy now thats all matter... ytd went out with baby to catch a movie called "Alien vs Predator: Requim" lol i really had no comment on this show la... ya and before the show, baby and i went to play some lan gaming and the cathay house... baby,i really nvr meant to be like this...i have a serious attitude that i could not control... but i just hope that time will mature me and be wad i wanna be... right now de me still like an uncontrollable killing machine... i'll try to take in as much tranquilizer as possible but the side effect was addiction haiz... really baby, cant live without you le... hehe but i still can cope with it some how...you said that march you will be all mine izzit? haha you are already mine baby... if you had a plan A, do you have a plan B? haha slowly plan bah haha i agree that we have been moving too fast in relationship thats why we have been burning hot for something such as arguement... guess much zippo was the one i poured ops... baby, i'll try to add in more water into that solution ok? and i'll be waiting for you as usual hehe... and baby, no matter wad plz dun say things like that ever again ok? i'll do my job also so as you do yours ok? hehe but mine will be double yours la... no matter wad i just hope that you will be happy... i cant find other gals as loving as you... you are the one that has been pulling me out of the abyss though its only half way through... thank you liyan baby! maucks!@ all awhile its my fault... i'm still a kid after all... sobs plz@! i wanna break free~~~
5.25pm/1725hrs
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Saturday, January 12, 2008 | 5:05 AM | Top my ugly side, underneath my mask... i use to think that i'm not that kind of person but the problem now proved that i'm actually is that kind of person... wad person? selfish, jealous, self pity, shy, etc... i really dun have any self confident but why? coz of the way my family brought me up and the limits of my height that makes me like that... and wad more? i can really say words that make ppl hate me that much... maybe i'm a devil? think too much boy... maybe i'm still immature and still childish in a way... i really wanna break away from this kind of cycle...how?? someone plz help me... i'm far more worse now, really dunno who i am... i'm now back in the abyss ready to be eaten by darkness again but there's light shining inside still despite the height from where i let loose off from her... why all this?? coz i'm the one letting loose off my fingers one by one from her, stupid aye? build too much flame will burn yourselves someday thats the lesson i learn in this scenario... actually i cant ask for help now coz if i dun get up and climb back up now, no body is going to help me... there's glimps of hope right now so dun disappoint me now... my bad habit was to think negatively and can be real emo some time... and play with my own thinking and my own feelings... own feeling is not like wad you think, its actually like for example; i tell my self that i'm not hungry but actually i am hungry that kind... and the other kind is to oppose other's ppl idea and thinking though i know that they are right... all these might be an excuse but i'm sure is changing real fast... i that type of guy that will really learn from mistake if there's a second chance... but i hate second chance... why? once a thing that happens once, it will happen again... right? haiz i'm so pathetic... i really hate myself some time but i dunno why i hate myself that much than hating other's in fact the ppl that i hate really bring pain in my life and that makes me even more pain... like being used or betray by some one close to you... like one of my god bro though he is 1 year younger than me... why? i respect him like i respect every single fren i have... there's many bad point about me... in fact way too many... the most bad ones is like lack of self confident and hating myself... baby, i say this just to let you know my little secrets that was hidden in my heart... can you change me? haha but i'll try to change myself first... seriously all this years i've been living with regrets... shud i take back or shud i let it go? it all depend on me le... dun wanna have any regret be4 ppl hating me... i guess i got too much thoughts inside me... how shud i let it loose leh? any idea? hehe i would like to hear it from anyone of you that read my blog haha... eh other than drunk or drug, the rest shud be okay for me... anyway, i must face the real me now... no more nagetice thoughts... i'm f r e e ~~~ haha after talking to baby awhile really make my heart bumps real fast... just now was so anxious... scared that she will say something but end up never... i feel so releive and happy that the first things she said is "baby, i miss you so much"... i did really miss you too... and baby, from now on, i'll try not to oppose my own thoughts and i'll say the things i want to say ok? i love you~~~muacks! eh baby, can you tell me secretly? wad actually you did be4 you hang up the phone that night i mean just now? hehe haiz baby, this few weeks had been not myself and i'm very sorry to let things happens until like that... know wad dear, we are about to step into chapter 2 le you know? just few steps ahead... i try to grab back your worm hand again ok? i read your blog and i was like oh no! i've been black listed lol... wa~~~about to 6am liaoz... blog next time bah... wanna join baby at lala land le... baby, the real thing is that i just miss you badly... 8 more days to our 9th month... good luck to us...5:46am/0546hrs
Thursday, January 10, 2008 | 3:25 AM | Top today wake up at 8am but not going school, yet... today's feeling is worst than yesterday... really wanted to slp but cant... guess i miss baby too much... eat 2 slices of bread and then begin to watch the show called Mothman Prophercies that i borrowed from baby... it isn't a horror film like baby claimed to be... its just a thriller but anyway, its better not to watch it alone coz you might get scared... wads the film about? go find it yourselvse coz i lazy type... anyway its just about prophercies and ppl dying... after the show finish, went online to see whether baby online or not but she's not so i play some games and then go bathe after that... call my classmate and they told me that they are at safra playing pool and bowling... so i went to safra and look for them...lol for pool, i lost to elroy.. why? wasn't concentrating at all haha but for bowling i won elroy's ex by 1 point LOL by the way, for the information, i got only 99 point for bowling lol... after that, i had my lunch there and head back to school after that... ah~~~~go back draw that stupid mouse again... we decided to leave about 4:30pm... LOL saw our teacher and omg haha she ask us why we leave so early haha we just like erm pretended that we nvr saw her like that lor lol haha... went back to bendemeer awhile to get something... leave there at about 6pm and reach home about 7:30pm... had my dinner and then go online to look for baby... we play some games but after awhile, i went to play dota with hengky all... about 3am, baby give me one last call for today before she went to bed... talk about lot of stuff until she told me that she's very excited about going for car licence coz her dad is going to sponsor her... then she told me that she's going for school de instead of private de... if my memory is right, private de shud be cheaper than school then she argued and said that her ex told her de and say dunno this and that... i'm right here telling her and yet she says that... like trust other ppl than her own bf... i'll go confirm again... if i'm wrong then i'm sorry... anyway its up to your daddy to choose and i'm just giving you some informations... then nvm... then suddenly say wad eh must study hard then next time will be rich... i know la i'm poor now... if you despice me say la(=_=''' siao)... for studies, i already know that but i dunno why she had to say that... dun really understand... maybe she despice me(=_=''' not again???)... after all i come from a poor and a broken family... but this is not what i wanted, its fated to be this way and what i can only do is to study hard... of coz i know... anyway, for the car licence thing, i think i say too much le la... anyway, no point talking about this and that... guess wont be meeting baby this weekend... but if she finds a day or two, hmm maybe we'll meet up bah... she's having cramps this and that... lots of pain have been stressing her this few days and i can kinda feel it... just hope that the pain will go away in no time or just let me bare the pain sua...^_^ just hope that she's feeling better now or later and happy going out... and baby, next time i'll sure pick up your call no matter wad de k?^_^without fail...like i said in the sms earlier...and take real care... i'll("v")her L O V E 4ever...muackls! 20th April is coming...4:02am/0402hrs
Monday, January 7, 2008 | 11:44 PM | Top today school re-open saw lots of freshman... nth much actually coz every body is like slacking except for the first lesson... when i step into the class, my teacher already start of with a new chapter and its already half way through... Zzz wake up early la today about 6am++ but reach school at about reaching 9am lol... had my lunch at 10am then go back to class about 1030am and teacher release us at about 11am... isn't it cool?? Zzz after that i decided to go to my old house to slack awhile... end up leaving there at about 10pm... lol i'm pratically doing nth la today... then baby told me that she's going to east coast with her cousins haha bet she's been sweating a lot lately hehe i know she's been busy with her family so as i; had to standby for my final exam too... work hard ar junwei if not liyan dun wan you in the future then know wahaha~~~ k la gonna slp le... very tired but feel like talking to baby more but haiz... i really bth liaoz bye bye going to slp le... nights Zzz love you baby muacks!11:57pm/2357hrs
Sunday, January 6, 2008 | 4:19 PM | Top wow today is the 6th day of Jan 2008 and its been a while i blog... how i celebrate my new year? haha went to hengky's chalet with elroy, choon yan, yu xi(china guy), kelvin and two of their ex-classmate... we start our countdown by spraying bangalahs haha its so fun la haha... after counting down and spraying, we went back to our chalet and start bbq... and anyway, you guys wont know that those bags of heavy bbq stuff, only elroy and me carry de ok! haha scared i grow shorter lols... during bbq, we drink and eat haha and elroy was the first one kana k'o by me haha i keep asking him to bottom up the beers haha anyway, that day he also quite sad la coz he was hoping thaT he can patch back with his ex gf that day but she nvr turn up.. thats wad make him so sad... sobs wad a sad story... guess they aren't suitable for each other from the starting... anyway after i drunk him and went back to chalet, vodka come and i was so regretted that i drunk elroy with beer haiz shud drunk him with vodka and surely see him vomit misery'ly haha anyway, i haven even start eating and i start drinking first haha the worst is that i actually pour one full glass of vodka haha and i shouted ON THE ROCK!! and drank it all haha... after that, hengky kep serving me with food sia haha i eat till i suan sia but feel like vomit sia haha... and know wad, its been so freaking long since i get drunk hehe guess baby liyan did keep me well and keep holding me back hehe eh guess some time i shud let my self out but i really wanna see baby how drunk am i so that i can ly on her laps and sayang by her hehe ops! after all the eating and drinking, help heng pack stuff and went up back to chalet... first time i did was rush into toilet and vomit haha and know wad?! i saw blood LOL well i guess its too much for a sick patient to be drunk and bbq stuff... after that i feel a lot better man... and the fun part just started... i start to miss my baby liyan badly omg! not long after that, misses became kee siao! lol! i stand up and really drunk and could not controll me self end up falling down on the floor with that big tv there haha~! end up calling room service for some technical problem haha i keep saying sorry to gongzu and heng but they say nvm haha and they were laughing at me la haha that was about 4-5am already but it seems like elroy and gongzu cant slp... kelvin and choon yan are already so soundly already... elroy and gongzu keep on talking about ghost thing so loudly that i couldn't slp at all la... so noisy, all i can hear was elroy's voice... bo bian, i wake up and chat with them also... until 8am+ choon yan, yu xi and elroy decided to go home and left kelvin, heng, gongzu and me... i cant slp again know why? their hp keep ringing la Zzz anyway i manage to slp and wake up at 3pm... called baby whether wanna join us for escape haha she agree and i was sooo happy hehe!! cant wait to see her hehe she reach about 4pm+ and we went to escape hehe and we play la haha baby and i won 2 soft toy haha... anyway, we play until the whole theme park close then we went to buy our dinner and went back to chalet and eat it with bbq stuff... leave there about 1130pm... hehe took last bus and send baby back home... when we was in the bus, we had a little talk and she fall aslp hehe its been so long that she actually slp so soundly in my arms hehe i feel so happy then that i had a soo loving cute baby hehe after i send her home, i went home too... and hmm thats how i celebrate my new year eve for 2007... this year happen lot of things happen and somehow, its connect in a big circle coz my life had changed ever since 2005... why? dun wanna talk about now coz long story... anyway life has to move on with regret, torment and erm... nvm i'm happy now thats all matter... ytd went out with baby to catch a movie called "Alien vs Predator: Requim" lol i really had no comment on this show la... ya and before the show, baby and i went to play some lan gaming and the cathay house... baby,i really nvr meant to be like this...i have a serious attitude that i could not control... but i just hope that time will mature me and be wad i wanna be... right now de me still like an uncontrollable killing machine... i'll try to take in as much tranquilizer as possible but the side effect was addiction haiz... really baby, cant live without you le... hehe but i still can cope with it some how...you said that march you will be all mine izzit? haha you are already mine baby... if you had a plan A, do you have a plan B? haha slowly plan bah haha i agree that we have been moving too fast in relationship thats why we have been burning hot for something such as arguement... guess much zippo was the one i poured ops... baby, i'll try to add in more water into that solution ok? and i'll be waiting for you as usual hehe... and baby, no matter wad plz dun say things like that ever again ok? i'll do my job also so as you do yours ok? hehe but mine will be double yours la... no matter wad i just hope that you will be happy... i cant find other gals as loving as you... you are the one that has been pulling me out of the abyss though its only half way through... thank you liyan baby! maucks!@ all awhile its my fault... i'm still a kid after all... sobs plz@! i wanna break free~~~
5.25pm/1725hrs
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