i've become what i can't be...

Home Links Music Playlist at MixPod.com Tagboard	Sunday, June 28, 2009 \| 11:42 AM \| Top haiz...i cry myself to slp once again...i wonder if she really hate me that much...just let me see her once and i'll be content...i always hope that i could bum into her in train or at town but haiz...dunno why...i seriously couldn't redeem myself after wad happen to us...dun say that i whine like gals but really...very scared that i on a depression...i'm really confuse and messed up now...wad shud i do? i really dunno already...thinking that just day by day let it pass...hope and wish that i dun linger too much...if not i will get stuck again... ps; i think someone must be behind laughing and happy about wad happen to us... end. anyway i'm going out to meet my other bunk mate later to buy stuff for my army needs...like spectacle hook, air refresherner, black watch etc...then will go back to punggol for dinner...haiz shit still haven pass hui shi the disc...she got quarantine by the h1n1 thing but she is negative la coz her work place got cases mah...think she's bored till crazy already haha mabe later i go find her bah and keep her companied...k le la i'm leaving soon le bye~~~batc Sunday, 28th June 2009 blog @ 1230hrs \| 2:40 AM \| Top today damn fucked up zzz i swear that i will nvr accept anyone who ask me to take a look at their company...cb ask me go there waste my whole day listen to fucking franchise thingy and yet i dun have hard cash to do franchise and cb still can ask me to borrow money nnb pcb zzz pratically waste my whole day lor...knn thought that my bunk mate is a person who understand but it seems like he had become one of the dog there already...ask him how is he doing there and he still can answer me that nvr earn much and yet still can ask me join ?? nnb wad nonsense is that?? the lowest franchise package is 2.7k la cb and the sure earn package is 13k la cb how i fork out these MONEY??? cb even i wanted to but i dun have the cash and even i got the cash, they still can say things sooo confidenly that its a sure earn and sure earn back the money...but i cant garantee lor...well i will see for myself as in my that bunk mate....how is he going to go on...they say that its a chance that they are going to give me but its like i dun have that much cash la cb... zzz see 2wks in army and all my vugal words come out already...really lor my day is being ruined zzz cb i dun wan to wine abt it already...damn pissed off already...tml still need to wake up early to meet my other bunk mate at beach road there to buy army things...actually is today de lor..coz i thought today go interview a steady job but ended up stranded zzz cb waste my whole day then go back home for dinner...come out meet ck...thx to his accompany, we went to Kovan super bow...then go play maximum tune haha! see how ck drive its like WAHAHAHA la haha! FAIL!!! haha but cant blame his skill also coz i starting drive kinda like him also hmm after that, went to supper then i went home and he go meet his bro at nearby lan shop...we chat a little also...nth much la... sian...i wan to watch movie but haiz no one accompany me...watch alone sua haha! wa damn shag already...well anyone wants to see my botak head?? haha go to my frenster and see la i damn lazy post pic here already...i'm going to play my guitar and then go slp le..nights everyone... when problem come just face it...it will be over soon once u open ur eyes again...hardship is wad time can show but only with determination and self discipline then can be done or achieve...everyone will face their walls and reach their limit some time...take it as a challenge and show other ppl that u can overcome it and u will find satisfatory within u...everyone do things with their reason behind it...take this as an advise but not to obey it...admit ur mistake and say sorry...do wad is right but dun do wad is wrong...its ur choice to make not someone else...be it good or bad, the out come and the answer will be there for u once u open ur eyes again...experience it and u will know why... Sunday, 28th of June 2009 blog @ 0313hrs ~~stay with me~~ Friday, June 26, 2009 \| 11:26 PM \| Top ha ha ha...i'm back to haunt ppl again...2weeks had passed and lots of things are happening around me...well be it good or bad hmm none of my business coz even i book out of army is just me alone taking bus back home while seeing other ppl's gf or parent come and fetch them...well i just dun wan my parent to come la coz very hectic in a way...but well its good to be alone also :) can see things from other point of view...found myself drowning too deep and now its like i'm so shag le la ah~~anyway! this 2 weeks is enjoying for me haha! strength and body building training and marching and lots of things la haha first few day is like aching every where but come to 2nd to 3rd day is like haha no kick so as for now hmm FIT LOL...and ya my hair was red when i got enlisted and the ppl there cut my hair also not totally botak...still got some hair and my hair still red la wa lau then the SIR all there name me FIREBALL sia haha! omg...but haha they are all funny guy but still will scold u if u did something wrong la but i find the tekang-ning part very enjoying..dunnno why leh haha maybe my character is like that...like to be tekang... haiz for the first few day is like nth...but after a few days, when my bunk mate all getting closer and when they talk abt GF...i was like hmm eh...just pratically keeping my mouth shut there and talk to them like as if nth...my mood is like damn fucked up la...now i understand why tiger ask me not to bring thhat mood into army...it will be like self torturing...mentally...but well i dun wan to say furhter as i already found myself stupid enuff... later going to enjoy myself out...maybe going to watch midnight show or go play bowling alone...ah...i just need someone in fact anyone la its free that can accompany my...haiz guess my army days will be a boring one when i booked out...just wan faster book in though still wanna slack a bit more :p everyday 4:50am wake up wash up get ready...5:45am 5bx then go run for a kilometre then go for breakfast...after that strength training and all...5:30pm lunch, 9pm supper then go bed lightsoff @ 10:30pm...wad a life... i just want any body who read my blog to enjoy their life...dun be too sad or emo becoz of something...i prove it that something good will happen when u just work hard...what u do today, it will become tml's thing when the clock strike 0000hr...well i got to go le...! weee night activity again! till next time! Friday, 26th of June 09 blog @ 2344hrs Thursday, June 11, 2009 \| 1:28 PM \| Top well...gonna miss my blog for weeks and months...also dunno will i ever touch my blog after this last post of the day...gonna go home for dinner then tml army time! haha finally i'm going army...take care guys...hope u guys like my music haha! *Thursday, 11th June 09* *blog @ 1330hrs* \| 1:11 AM \| Top well...though i cant see anything happen today but i feel something great is coming...it seems like i'm a real play boy now but i'm still me :) ... guys here can say i'm a real bastard but haha like i said... i've become whad i cant be already...go with the flow...i will still commit to the one i like and to love again...i just hope and wish to have someone who can wait for me while i'm doing my national service... well today went to k at bedok with Cindy, elroy, Guoz and calvin...having lots of fun haha aye feel tired of explaining it in detail instead, just by saying having fun can liaoz...we sang for 5hours lor haha not bad uh! my throat still can tahan wad a miracle and still i did some metal singing haha! feel great when u shout out loud...well end up leaving Guoz and i the 2 of us at bugis...went to eat dinner at Billy Bombers...very full and yet its cheap!! haha soo worth it haha... went to 72 again...ordered a jar of beer and we slack there...wa lau we 2 like special vip seh! lots of workers there come and talk to us haha! and ya the lead sing of the band D-tox, this coming saturday is his birthday haiz feel sad that i cant go coz i'm in camp already by that day...well did wish him early :) i practically finish the whole jar coz Guoz is riding his bike and this few days the traffic plice had been very strict so haha...the dj there name damian haha just love this guy! he came to our table and talk a bit...told him that i'm going to ns this Friday haha he then somehow "celebrate" for me by...asking me to drink finish my whole cup haha! wa after that, SEH AH!!! blur blur haha a bit drunk hmm actually not that drunk as we just had our dinner and feeling very full lor...its a miracle that i can drink this much at once...after that we went home and played 2 losing round of dota zzz sooo many nerds tonight...sian lor...anway i'm going to slp le... well this 2months i really did enjoy...well had been been through my up and down and i'm feeling more stable then...things are coming up to me now its just how i manage it...things might turn out good if erm u know haha...maybe Love again and this time round i'm really going to slow things down and not that fast...really going to treasure it...i'll remember wad i did in the past and will do better this time...think i must be more honest hmm not bad uh...i just wanna get back on track...i dun wanna be the person waling behind the person i like anymore...i really hate that...well i said be4..my ex was a now or nvr thingy...now that i think abt it, its like an experiment but that's not true la coz its like not fair to her also...well lets not talk abt her already... *ah damn...head feeling heavy now...after this i'm going to bed le...nights guys!* *Thursday, 11th June 09* *blog @ 0306hrs* Wednesday, June 10, 2009 \| 10:01 AM \| Top haha nvr slp again...after playing one round of dota with Guoz, he went to slp and i was practically doing nth...surfing net erm and wad i do ah?...shit i can only rmb i play 3 rounds of dota this morning till now...playing my guitar again...haiz still cannot master a song coz there's part i dun understand how to strum...well its ok haha i sure will find my way there :) *oh man...wad a twist to my story...blog again after i come home...if this twist of fate really is going to happen...hmm i shall stop here...i shall see it happen then* *Wednesday, 10th June 09* *blog @ 1108am* \| 12:57 AM \| Top *today pratically doing nothing at all...* *very sian...* *today 2 ppl ask me out end up no one call...* *Guoz i understand but adeline haiz i think is ah di dun welcome me after all...* *cant bare this kind of feeling zzz fucked up feeling...* *i'm not good for anyone also i guess...* *even my phone is bullying me now...* *haiz...* *just when will i climb out of this loneliness...* *just dunno why today fucking emo...* *must be elroy spoil my slp...* *zzz BORING~~~~* *wednesday 10th 09* *0106hrs* Tuesday, June 9, 2009 \| 2:53 PM \| Top zzz WHY!!! why this time??? weird dream again...my horoscope keep telling me that my dream is a sign...dream that might come true...i shall see then...slept at around 5am + and just wake up only...meeting adeline for lunch later @ 3.30pm...yawn...i got scared by my dream...really! this is scarrier than my worse nightmare la wa lau...haiz tuesday liaoz...yawn...blog later... *Tuesday, 9th June 09* *blog @ 1457hrs* \| 4:13 AM \| Top well today nvr slp at all...went to meet elroy and accompany him to SGH to MRI scan...getting prepare for his knee surgery...wait for 1hour...was struggling there coz i nvr slp so feeling very cold...after everything, went to eat Boon Tong Kee...a chicken rice store near my house here...went to my house and slack awhile...wanted to go sing k box but once we reach cineleisure, we decided not to sing and so we slack at cineleisure and wait for darrick to come...reach abt an hour later it was already 4pm plus...went to Heeren and walk awhile...then decided to go Ps for some arcade...they went home after that and left me alone at town...it was already 6pm plus...went to eat burgar king at the near old emerald there...where i used to eat with someone else de bk outlet...haiz memories again...anyway i took abt an hour ro finish my food LOL long rigt??? haha went to the kopitiam near toilet there de and bought a pack of cigarette...went out and have a smoke...slack at the bench outside the duck and hippo house i think...after that, i walk all the way to orchard tower to find Guoz...went to 72 tonight and open one martell haha only the 3 of us and we finish it at 3am as it's closing also...came home and blogging now...bathe already and feeling very giddy and slpy...not really that drunk but damn full coz we went to eat supper at a cafe near 72 call buddy's restuarant...haiz really nth to do at home...no aim...no one who can really talk to...haiz think i'm really drunk...de feeling now and damn sian think its becoz lack of slp bah and some more i drink...well dunno wad am i gonna do tml...damn...well...kind off excited abt army thingy haha! hope i enjoy there too... *Tuesday, 9th June 09* *blog @ 0422hrs* Monday, June 8, 2009 \| 9:52 PM \| Top dunno how come...suddenly thought through...why do i have to change?? i just have to be myself and why do i have to think this and that?? why not lets just wait for the nature take its course instead of changing its course by force? one thing is also i'm going to army soon and i dun wanna bring this kind of emotional thing with me into army...dun have to think of it also...its nuisance of me to do such a thing...this past months for some of the things i've done, i felt so ashame of myself...making myself suffer only...tonight i'll really enjoy and laugh as myself again...long way to go junwei ! and ya dun laugh at my name...Zandrian...nvr tell ppl be4...brain storm with hui shi lol was hoping by having a new name, it carries hopes and it stands de new me...going to 72 later again! drink more as for now...cant enjoy like this after i go army le...well army is still not end of de world but its becoz i cant really do de things i wanna do now anymore until i ORD...blog later again after i come home :) tonight Guoz not riding so hmm might drink till we "toh" there haha!!! later~~~ *http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TW3DQl-WmKM* *songs for flirts...erm its guys flirts...poochai huay huay meaning Let's have fun tonight!* *this song shows how bastard a guy can get* *Monday, 8th June 09* *blog @ 2204hrs* \| 7:56 AM \| Top sian...haven even slp...going to meet elroy at 8.30am...he's last appointment to his surgery day...he's just so sad that i'm not there for him...elroy, dun cry lol...u will be just fine :) this wednesday confirm meeting cindy le but still got who is coming i still not confirm yet...maybe i'll make it a date with her sua haha...the plan is to sing K in the morning at cineleisure then go watch movie and eat sushi buffet! haha isn't that great? dun cry elroy! wahaha...hmm to be more evil, i think i'm going to ask him out too! haha haiz i will still end up giving up most of the time...anyway i hope that this coming wednesday is going to be fun...count as last day to go out le...thursday is still reserved for someone...as for today haha after elroy's appointment, we will be coming back and get ready to go out again...we going to katong there de ktv to sing! woot! why go there? coz its cheap haha...alright! he just called me up...prank him up a little haha -_-'' well guess my days of being a vampire ain't that bad at all :) ...but luckily i'm not...cant bare with this erm...shall stop here le... *well its MORNING AGAIN LIAOZ!!!* *0807 BUY 4D SURE TIO!@* *lol not again..~~..NOT!* *sian...* \| 2:24 AM \| Top well...a night of uncertainties again...reach Dhoby Ghaut mrt station...i was lost again...who's name to engrave...sian end up at PS arcade and play a few rounds of maximum tune...went down to find Guoz after that...it was already 9pm plus...hmm after he close de shop, went to carpark to take his bike...haha end up got to go back to his shop again coz he left his helmet at his shop...anyway, we went to 72 tonight for some drinks...haha when we reach, saw taufiq, joshua and one of his fren...taufiq then come over and try to ride Guoz bike end up BUANG~~LOL he lost balance and went straight the a car that was parked there earlier LOL lucky for him not to bang into oncoming taffic...oh well he was minor injured but the bike haiz...but still and ride but the have to do some alignment and touch up some part as it was crack some where...well i still like that place as always :) relax and chilling~~~was watching tennis and then pool competition! woot!! i just love that place... zzz got 1 thai gay just sit beside me and started a converstion with me... *thai gal: hey! how r u? still rmb me??* *me: erm...ya...* *thai gal: why? u dun rmb me??* *me: no. coz i haven been here for a week or so...* *she then start to look at me strangely and pour some martell* *she then cheers my cup...i follow up* *she's good looking but i just couldn't be bother* *after that she went off...then another thai gal come...* *this one look more sexy...but eee er...* *thai gal 2: hi! (to guoz then me) saying sawadicap~~* *me: SAWADICAP~~* *thai gal2: cheers!* *zzz she then start to get closer and closer to me...* *and her hand just happen to touch my zzz argh~~~* *she apologies...* i was thinking if she erm well, "accidentally" touch the second time, i will sure change my seats zzz but all end up to be just fine...i just wanna enjoy my day but its alright la...we are guys after all :) well we slack there till 1am and we left...joshua fetch me home so that Guoz dun have to worry abt his bike that much...haiz reach home just to find out something heartening...angry though...i hate guys who cheat and fuckers...com'on la treat gals better can??!...before u start something, u shud think twice zzz now i can see another gloomy star already...well i got to tell myself that i have to be far away from her as she find me irritating...sobs but i just couldn't...zzz i have to stop here...if not, another compo again...but i have an irritating feeling now...needle like poking my heart...and its getting painful day by day... *Monday, 8th June 09* *blog @ 0305hrs* Sunday, June 7, 2009 \| 7:59 PM \| Top *well i think i've decided...who will be de name...think i'm gonna live with it waiting for that day like and belive that one day she will return...gotta bounce...bye* *town time!* *night life rock!* *not again~~NOT!* \| 5:24 PM \| Top ...yesterday totally cant slp...stay up till around 5am then really try to slp...before that i was watching Criss Angel at 3.30am...wake up at 2pm...eat lunch and head back here bendemeer...now going to get ready for town :) ...dunno why feel so sian...kuku! dun think too much!! haha... ... *Sunday, 7th June 09* *blog @ 1726hrs* Saturday, June 6, 2009 \| 7:32 AM \| Top ah!! window xp is still de best...vista prove to be fussy so i wont be using vista anymore coz some of the game is really incompatible with vista...problematic right? i was trying vista out hmm thought it was cool at first but still proven that it sux..i shall wait for window 7 :)...hmm right! dunno still want to do my comp or go slp first...tml maybe meeting hui shi early in de morning YAWN~~~hope i can get up be4 she call coz i'm slping in the same room with my aunt when i'm at punggol...well i got to do my things first then...will update on hmm maybe tuesday night bah...coz dunno wad time will our meeting end...scary u know? we can meet at night and all the way to next day evening...haiz if i can have a gf who is like this won't it better? ai ya for long also will sian de la; that wad most ppl will say hmm i wonder... MORNING LIAOZ!!! blog @ 0737hrs BUY 4D!!! SURE TIO! \| 2:37 AM \| Top *all i can do now is smoke...* *see puffs of smoke floating away like empty promises i've made...* *will one ever forget the tenderness and gentleness ones gave?...* *its like a privileges that nvr ask for anything in return but just a simple love...* *i can only blame myself for not doing the best in everything...* *maybe she's right; i'm a hypocrite indeed... ~_~;;* *i gave it a try and take upon this responsibility but i failed to do so...* *i felt so rejected afterwards but then i still press on for a purpose...* *but it seems so "double sided blade"...* *i thought that i've thought through but i was wrong...* *had been wondering around for months and i'm just lying to myself...* *i've always known that by lying to myself, i will feel better but thats selfish...* *luckily i nvr play too much and really went over board...* *maybe i'm just trying to find her in her...* *guess i'm right to say that i dun wan to betray this friendship we had now in her...* *she's attached while i'm waiting for them to break ( so impatiently ) is not me...* *i'm so confuse now i think its becoz i just break up with someone and i'm seeing a gal who used to so close to me be4 and is the person who i wanna be...* *sigh...* *i'm just me...* *just when will i stop blogging these...* *i realise that i still miss her very much...* *can i really let go??...* *Saturday, 6th June 09* *blog @ 0325hrs* \| 1:15 AM \| Top boring~~~today's not my day man...plan shattered...anyway i got to meet tiger at town at abt 8pm...went to play pool for awhile then went to play maximum tune...haiz another boring day...now at home burning disc while playing my virtual dj set :)...getting ready to refomat again coz my current os is bugged zzz lots of bug but still useable but~~~its getting my nerves zzz gonna restart everything again :) well i like to do stuff like this :) update later *Saturday, 6th June 09* *blog @ 0128hrs* Friday, June 5, 2009 \| 8:30 AM \| Top just finish watching a thai show...Ong Bak...eh an action "packed" show i shud say? ... dunno wad makes me wanna say this lol but i guess i have to say it...i rmb saying giving up something this and that...well is abt this gal hmm guess she's just treating me as a fren and so i wont cross over unless something big happen...cant belive that i'm soo evil but i guess, love is selfish :) haven slp yet and dun feeling like slping now...thinking abt wad will happen later, tml and the day after...sad thing is that i'm going army if not, at least i'm here to see things through...well wad ur's its urs to take wad not ur's its not then...i shall play my guitar till be4 lunch and head back to punggol for lunch and slp there...i will be going to esplanade today...wear nice nice with my hair styled! lol! i wan to change my frenster pic...my primary pic look soo terrible...like gangsters hmm shud i wear the same shirt? hmm i wonder... i'm gonna change the way i think and speaks...i'm going to be more straight forward...beating around de bush is like Osama Bin Laden video taping himself blah blah blah saying that he wan to bomb this and that...did he? SHUT UP DUDE! get a life...plant something that u can eat but not KAABOOMMM~~~if Obama get kill there, this world is really going to crumble and my life in ns will be a terrible one...oh ya luckily that singapore terrorist get caught already...if not everynight operation very hectic...zz i'm talking this coz i also dunno wad reminded me abt the news i saw in the net... well i'm smoking my last stick and going to buy more later...hope later i can really go and order the things i wanted and i'll be done...my last wish...and i'm going to move forward...just how long can i get emo...for one whole year like wad i used to? haha and ya! happy be-lated birthday to Xingyi! wished u in sms but sorry that i 4got to wish u here :p i'm sorry! haha i did an experiment on my last blog and found out something which seems interesting to me _'' well its nth ^_______^y anyway i'm still not satisfied with this new blog skin but its already a big achievement for me... *hmm just wanted to share a song with u guys here and here is the guitar chords and tabs i'm practicing* *http://www.geocities.com/chen_hanwei/culuv_ghfstab.htm* *and this is the song* *http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oot32QFb_II* ...hope that i can complete this songs be4 i go army and wish that she can sing this song together with me :p WAD A WISHFUL thinking ah haha!...hmm just when will i stop laughing damn...well last but not least...i hope that "someone" is doing just fine...wad she's going through now is just like that person now...like i said...destiny had brought u here and the fate is in ur hand now... *shall stop here...if not i'll be dead!!! haha :p....* *Friday, 5th June 09* *blog @ 0857hrs* \| 6:11 AM \| Top time sure flies...4yrs...just 4yrs...wad will it be after 10yrs??? wad had i been doing the last 10yrs??...wow this is incredible...time sure tells us lots and lots of things...its whether going straight into ur brain or not...enjoy life to the fullest...btw wad am i gonna do later? slp? bathe? dun slp? but go bathe? lol...bathe le play my guitar? or go slp? or go slp after i finish my guitar? i must be joking...i know wad i'm gonna do...i'm just trying to have the feeling of "wad am i gonna do?" that kind of feeling...some time ppl ask questions and ppl answer but had that answer gone into that person's head? the answer is no...that person will only realise the answer when it is too late...every does :) including myself...got to go now...its getting erm...late...as in early haiz...I"M GETTING OLD~~~ Friday, 5th June 09 blog @ 0619hrs Thursday, June 4, 2009 \| 8:06 AM \| Top dun really know wad to say...hmm ya today went to marina square with elroy...haiz shuden had ask him out today...really spoil my mood but its ok la...everyday see him at home so i ask him out lo...haiz he is really a trouble i shud say...when i wan to be alone, i wont ask him out le...on my way home, saw mich at bus stop guess she's on her way home bah...anyway, i got home and play a few rounds of dota with elroy...own the pubs like hell...feel damn shiok! haha about 2am, elroy and guoz came to my house for some farwell party coz i'm going to ns soon...good to have frens like this though...haiz saw wj and he had changed into a totally different person...seems like he has been possess by something...try to talk to him but he just dun wanna say that kind...wadever then...i wan to help but he dun let me...even kel also de same...dun think will be seeing them for the rest of my life le bah...anyway, elroy and guo play at my house till 7am and then they left...later still meeting them for buffet hmm i wonder this "late" already...wad time will they wake up lol! damn...my house now really smell like dust bin already...macdonald and cigarettes smell all over lol! haha i will clean up after i finish blogging... well i was thinking lately that wad it take to be a bastard? hmm 365 days, everyday, every minutes and anywhere now there's ppl doing things like that so wad if i become a bastards too?? no much different i guess...to wait or to be a bastards hmm i wonder...but i will still choose to let go in the end...i will let go if things are setting down already bah...but after all, i still find myself being like a kid...maybe not a kid; its just that i cant really open a topic to chat and be damn quiet with head looking down and dragging my feet...but i know that one day i will walk with heads up and wont be dragging my feet anymore starting from today :)...junwei u are an IDIOT!! haha yap ppl will say that the coming week... Thursday, 4th June 09 blog @ 0834 Wednesday, June 3, 2009 \| 9:43 AM \| Top i'm really puting myself into slp le...abusing medication again...took 4pills this time hope i dun end up in hospital...take care... fading away slowly... i know wad i'm doing so i won't regret... hope when i wake up, i'm still here :) zzz 4pills only...kns :p ^____________________^Y 0945hrs \| 8:49 AM \| Top well i haven slp yet:)i thought i can fall aslp while watching P.s I Love You but it was too touching for me to fall aslp as so my eyes was soo engross to my mornitor...after that, went to play a 15mins of dota and sigh it was a boring one...then haha why am i blogging now??!! haha coz i just realise how to read guitar tabs!!! finally figure it out...haha and finally i can play 關懷方式 GuanHuaiFangShi in pinyin...kk i shall continue at the end of the day or tml le bye~~~ \| 3:39 AM \| Top why izzit always got to be like this?? still not honest and confident towards my true feelings??? what's wrong with me?? why always that i have to wait??? really no confident? not honest enuff??? not sincere enuff??? no...the truth is i scared rejection...coz i feel that i'm not perfect for her that wad makes me end up like that...i think i'm de real devil behind everything...just waiting for everything getting destroyed then will feel satisfied...how to get rid of this devil out from me?? i dun really know but i will do my things very carefully now...think twice be4 i act...btw, i just found myself an "energy giver"...my ex was a traquilizer...hmm think wad i need now is a real toxic so that i can forever in deep slumber...well that day i was thinking that if i really end up in hospital...how? wad will i see? wad will i think of? but that's not all...still thinking of swallowing that whole pack of pills...forget abt wad happen happen last 23months and 6 days ...the real reason i cannot say...i've got to keep it in my heart...and this thing is worsen day by day...before i knew it, i've already fallen quite deep already...no one can save me only one person can...i'm in pain...i'm asking myself why must i wait until now then dare to show my feelings??? why can t i show it EARLIER!!!??? i starting to hate myself lately...heavily depressed...but when i'm with that person, everything changed...i tend to 4get everything but happy...how i wish i could hug her tightly in my arms one day...i'm just so scared that she rejects me...i've planned to do something really stupid...i will post it here when i'm done with it and i promise that this is the 2nd time and the last time i do something so special for someone that special...i dun care how much it cost...i'm gonna throw in wad ever thing i've got and see it done...but the result will be tormenting for me and i knew it...i maybe a beggar, i may have no future but u might nvr know wad will my future comes coz i have big ego...i will complete wad ever wish i had yet to fulfil be4 i go army...coz i know that i will indeed lost contact with that person again and its 4ever... p.s just wanna say sorry to a person down who i let her down de most...just take it as i nvr know you and u nvr know me...i won't bother you anymore and anyone around you...to do that, i need courage and indeed i have...good luck to u and farwell... i can't have 2 person in my mind to stress about coz it will be double the emo i'm getting...one down and only left last one to go...as time goes by i realise that i couldn't live without someone who i can care and love...destiny had lead me here and fate is within my hand...but there isn't much time already...my last resort is to let it go...till then, lies my true freedom again... well ppl here, can say that i'm writing all fake or hypocrite by writing such a "story"...all i can say is wadever la hor... :) but plz no pen pencil and eraser lol! Wednesday, 3rd June 09 blog @ 0413hrs Tuesday, June 2, 2009 \| 5:32 PM \| Top yesterday nvr blog coz whole day and night is with hui shi... sunday night met hui shi at hougang plaze at abt 12mn to play lan... we play till 6am morning and decided to leave for breakfast... went to rivervale plaza de Mac to have breakfast there as its close to her house... chat till 9am and we decided to leave... went to her house there and chat more... abt 11am we decided to go back plaza to buy hair dye and so we did... was waiting at the bus stop and we saw a philipino maid was shouting for help!! went down to see wad happen and i discover that her finger was stuck at the door... open de door and comforted her... she cried quite awhile then gave us her mum's number and so we called... her ah ma came down and see wad happen... we told her the story and also told her that she must be tired... the ah ma told us that they have 2 maid and both like to talk and listen to music at night... they left after saying thank you to us... and we head off to plaza... we went to ntuc market to enjoy air con after we bought our dye... we decided to get a hair cut and so we did... went back to her house, dye and bathe... and LOL we sang hokkien song together! went home at about 5pm and eat my lunch... slp after that... guoz called me at about 9pm plus and ask me whether want to join them at 72 but i rejected them and continue my deep slumber... today wake up at about 11am plus... hui shi call me and told me that she's going to msia today to pass a car key to her BF and came back to singapore and reach home at about 4.30pm... as for tonight hmm...wad will i do and where will i be going...still thinking...maybe i will be going to slack with the merlion again bah haha...btw i'm overdosing medcine again...who cares anyway... Tuesday, 2nd June 09 blog @ 1749hrs	Sunday, June 28, 2009 \| 11:42 AM \| Top haiz...i cry myself to slp once again...i wonder if she really hate me that much...just let me see her once and i'll be content...i always hope that i could bum into her in train or at town but haiz...dunno why...i seriously couldn't redeem myself after wad happen to us...dun say that i whine like gals but really...very scared that i on a depression...i'm really confuse and messed up now...wad shud i do? i really dunno already...thinking that just day by day let it pass...hope and wish that i dun linger too much...if not i will get stuck again... ps; i think someone must be behind laughing and happy about wad happen to us... end. anyway i'm going out to meet my other bunk mate later to buy stuff for my army needs...like spectacle hook, air refresherner, black watch etc...then will go back to punggol for dinner...haiz shit still haven pass hui shi the disc...she got quarantine by the h1n1 thing but she is negative la coz her work place got cases mah...think she's bored till crazy already haha mabe later i go find her bah and keep her companied...k le la i'm leaving soon le bye~~~batc Sunday, 28th June 2009 blog @ 1230hrs \| 2:40 AM \| Top today damn fucked up zzz i swear that i will nvr accept anyone who ask me to take a look at their company...cb ask me go there waste my whole day listen to fucking franchise thingy and yet i dun have hard cash to do franchise and cb still can ask me to borrow money nnb pcb zzz pratically waste my whole day lor...knn thought that my bunk mate is a person who understand but it seems like he had become one of the dog there already...ask him how is he doing there and he still can answer me that nvr earn much and yet still can ask me join ?? nnb wad nonsense is that?? the lowest franchise package is 2.7k la cb and the sure earn package is 13k la cb how i fork out these MONEY??? cb even i wanted to but i dun have the cash and even i got the cash, they still can say things sooo confidenly that its a sure earn and sure earn back the money...but i cant garantee lor...well i will see for myself as in my that bunk mate....how is he going to go on...they say that its a chance that they are going to give me but its like i dun have that much cash la cb... zzz see 2wks in army and all my vugal words come out already...really lor my day is being ruined zzz cb i dun wan to wine abt it already...damn pissed off already...tml still need to wake up early to meet my other bunk mate at beach road there to buy army things...actually is today de lor..coz i thought today go interview a steady job but ended up stranded zzz cb waste my whole day then go back home for dinner...come out meet ck...thx to his accompany, we went to Kovan super bow...then go play maximum tune haha! see how ck drive its like WAHAHAHA la haha! FAIL!!! haha but cant blame his skill also coz i starting drive kinda like him also hmm after that, went to supper then i went home and he go meet his bro at nearby lan shop...we chat a little also...nth much la... sian...i wan to watch movie but haiz no one accompany me...watch alone sua haha! wa damn shag already...well anyone wants to see my botak head?? haha go to my frenster and see la i damn lazy post pic here already...i'm going to play my guitar and then go slp le..nights everyone... when problem come just face it...it will be over soon once u open ur eyes again...hardship is wad time can show but only with determination and self discipline then can be done or achieve...everyone will face their walls and reach their limit some time...take it as a challenge and show other ppl that u can overcome it and u will find satisfatory within u...everyone do things with their reason behind it...take this as an advise but not to obey it...admit ur mistake and say sorry...do wad is right but dun do wad is wrong...its ur choice to make not someone else...be it good or bad, the out come and the answer will be there for u once u open ur eyes again...experience it and u will know why... Sunday, 28th of June 2009 blog @ 0313hrs ~~stay with me~~ Friday, June 26, 2009 \| 11:26 PM \| Top ha ha ha...i'm back to haunt ppl again...2weeks had passed and lots of things are happening around me...well be it good or bad hmm none of my business coz even i book out of army is just me alone taking bus back home while seeing other ppl's gf or parent come and fetch them...well i just dun wan my parent to come la coz very hectic in a way...but well its good to be alone also :) can see things from other point of view...found myself drowning too deep and now its like i'm so shag le la ah~~anyway! this 2 weeks is enjoying for me haha! strength and body building training and marching and lots of things la haha first few day is like aching every where but come to 2nd to 3rd day is like haha no kick so as for now hmm FIT LOL...and ya my hair was red when i got enlisted and the ppl there cut my hair also not totally botak...still got some hair and my hair still red la wa lau then the SIR all there name me FIREBALL sia haha! omg...but haha they are all funny guy but still will scold u if u did something wrong la but i find the tekang-ning part very enjoying..dunnno why leh haha maybe my character is like that...like to be tekang... haiz for the first few day is like nth...but after a few days, when my bunk mate all getting closer and when they talk abt GF...i was like hmm eh...just pratically keeping my mouth shut there and talk to them like as if nth...my mood is like damn fucked up la...now i understand why tiger ask me not to bring thhat mood into army...it will be like self torturing...mentally...but well i dun wan to say furhter as i already found myself stupid enuff... later going to enjoy myself out...maybe going to watch midnight show or go play bowling alone...ah...i just need someone in fact anyone la its free that can accompany my...haiz guess my army days will be a boring one when i booked out...just wan faster book in though still wanna slack a bit more :p everyday 4:50am wake up wash up get ready...5:45am 5bx then go run for a kilometre then go for breakfast...after that strength training and all...5:30pm lunch, 9pm supper then go bed lightsoff @ 10:30pm...wad a life... i just want any body who read my blog to enjoy their life...dun be too sad or emo becoz of something...i prove it that something good will happen when u just work hard...what u do today, it will become tml's thing when the clock strike 0000hr...well i got to go le...! weee night activity again! till next time! Friday, 26th of June 09 blog @ 2344hrs Thursday, June 11, 2009 \| 1:28 PM \| Top well...gonna miss my blog for weeks and months...also dunno will i ever touch my blog after this last post of the day...gonna go home for dinner then tml army time! haha finally i'm going army...take care guys...hope u guys like my music haha! *Thursday, 11th June 09* *blog @ 1330hrs* \| 1:11 AM \| Top well...though i cant see anything happen today but i feel something great is coming...it seems like i'm a real play boy now but i'm still me :) ... guys here can say i'm a real bastard but haha like i said... i've become whad i cant be already...go with the flow...i will still commit to the one i like and to love again...i just hope and wish to have someone who can wait for me while i'm doing my national service... well today went to k at bedok with Cindy, elroy, Guoz and calvin...having lots of fun haha aye feel tired of explaining it in detail instead, just by saying having fun can liaoz...we sang for 5hours lor haha not bad uh! my throat still can tahan wad a miracle and still i did some metal singing haha! feel great when u shout out loud...well end up leaving Guoz and i the 2 of us at bugis...went to eat dinner at Billy Bombers...very full and yet its cheap!! haha soo worth it haha... went to 72 again...ordered a jar of beer and we slack there...wa lau we 2 like special vip seh! lots of workers there come and talk to us haha! and ya the lead sing of the band D-tox, this coming saturday is his birthday haiz feel sad that i cant go coz i'm in camp already by that day...well did wish him early :) i practically finish the whole jar coz Guoz is riding his bike and this few days the traffic plice had been very strict so haha...the dj there name damian haha just love this guy! he came to our table and talk a bit...told him that i'm going to ns this Friday haha he then somehow "celebrate" for me by...asking me to drink finish my whole cup haha! wa after that, SEH AH!!! blur blur haha a bit drunk hmm actually not that drunk as we just had our dinner and feeling very full lor...its a miracle that i can drink this much at once...after that we went home and played 2 losing round of dota zzz sooo many nerds tonight...sian lor...anway i'm going to slp le... well this 2months i really did enjoy...well had been been through my up and down and i'm feeling more stable then...things are coming up to me now its just how i manage it...things might turn out good if erm u know haha...maybe Love again and this time round i'm really going to slow things down and not that fast...really going to treasure it...i'll remember wad i did in the past and will do better this time...think i must be more honest hmm not bad uh...i just wanna get back on track...i dun wanna be the person waling behind the person i like anymore...i really hate that...well i said be4..my ex was a now or nvr thingy...now that i think abt it, its like an experiment but that's not true la coz its like not fair to her also...well lets not talk abt her already... *ah damn...head feeling heavy now...after this i'm going to bed le...nights guys!* *Thursday, 11th June 09* *blog @ 0306hrs* Wednesday, June 10, 2009 \| 10:01 AM \| Top haha nvr slp again...after playing one round of dota with Guoz, he went to slp and i was practically doing nth...surfing net erm and wad i do ah?...shit i can only rmb i play 3 rounds of dota this morning till now...playing my guitar again...haiz still cannot master a song coz there's part i dun understand how to strum...well its ok haha i sure will find my way there :) *oh man...wad a twist to my story...blog again after i come home...if this twist of fate really is going to happen...hmm i shall stop here...i shall see it happen then* *Wednesday, 10th June 09* *blog @ 1108am* \| 12:57 AM \| Top *today pratically doing nothing at all...* *very sian...* *today 2 ppl ask me out end up no one call...* *Guoz i understand but adeline haiz i think is ah di dun welcome me after all...* *cant bare this kind of feeling zzz fucked up feeling...* *i'm not good for anyone also i guess...* *even my phone is bullying me now...* *haiz...* *just when will i climb out of this loneliness...* *just dunno why today fucking emo...* *must be elroy spoil my slp...* *zzz BORING~~~~* *wednesday 10th 09* *0106hrs* Tuesday, June 9, 2009 \| 2:53 PM \| Top zzz WHY!!! why this time??? weird dream again...my horoscope keep telling me that my dream is a sign...dream that might come true...i shall see then...slept at around 5am + and just wake up only...meeting adeline for lunch later @ 3.30pm...yawn...i got scared by my dream...really! this is scarrier than my worse nightmare la wa lau...haiz tuesday liaoz...yawn...blog later... *Tuesday, 9th June 09* *blog @ 1457hrs* \| 4:13 AM \| Top well today nvr slp at all...went to meet elroy and accompany him to SGH to MRI scan...getting prepare for his knee surgery...wait for 1hour...was struggling there coz i nvr slp so feeling very cold...after everything, went to eat Boon Tong Kee...a chicken rice store near my house here...went to my house and slack awhile...wanted to go sing k box but once we reach cineleisure, we decided not to sing and so we slack at cineleisure and wait for darrick to come...reach abt an hour later it was already 4pm plus...went to Heeren and walk awhile...then decided to go Ps for some arcade...they went home after that and left me alone at town...it was already 6pm plus...went to eat burgar king at the near old emerald there...where i used to eat with someone else de bk outlet...haiz memories again...anyway i took abt an hour ro finish my food LOL long rigt??? haha went to the kopitiam near toilet there de and bought a pack of cigarette...went out and have a smoke...slack at the bench outside the duck and hippo house i think...after that, i walk all the way to orchard tower to find Guoz...went to 72 tonight and open one martell haha only the 3 of us and we finish it at 3am as it's closing also...came home and blogging now...bathe already and feeling very giddy and slpy...not really that drunk but damn full coz we went to eat supper at a cafe near 72 call buddy's restuarant...haiz really nth to do at home...no aim...no one who can really talk to...haiz think i'm really drunk...de feeling now and damn sian think its becoz lack of slp bah and some more i drink...well dunno wad am i gonna do tml...damn...well...kind off excited abt army thingy haha! hope i enjoy there too... *Tuesday, 9th June 09* *blog @ 0422hrs* Monday, June 8, 2009 \| 9:52 PM \| Top dunno how come...suddenly thought through...why do i have to change?? i just have to be myself and why do i have to think this and that?? why not lets just wait for the nature take its course instead of changing its course by force? one thing is also i'm going to army soon and i dun wanna bring this kind of emotional thing with me into army...dun have to think of it also...its nuisance of me to do such a thing...this past months for some of the things i've done, i felt so ashame of myself...making myself suffer only...tonight i'll really enjoy and laugh as myself again...long way to go junwei ! and ya dun laugh at my name...Zandrian...nvr tell ppl be4...brain storm with hui shi lol was hoping by having a new name, it carries hopes and it stands de new me...going to 72 later again! drink more as for now...cant enjoy like this after i go army le...well army is still not end of de world but its becoz i cant really do de things i wanna do now anymore until i ORD...blog later again after i come home :) tonight Guoz not riding so hmm might drink till we "toh" there haha!!! later~~~ *http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TW3DQl-WmKM* *songs for flirts...erm its guys flirts...poochai huay huay meaning Let's have fun tonight!* *this song shows how bastard a guy can get* *Monday, 8th June 09* *blog @ 2204hrs* \| 7:56 AM \| Top sian...haven even slp...going to meet elroy at 8.30am...he's last appointment to his surgery day...he's just so sad that i'm not there for him...elroy, dun cry lol...u will be just fine :) this wednesday confirm meeting cindy le but still got who is coming i still not confirm yet...maybe i'll make it a date with her sua haha...the plan is to sing K in the morning at cineleisure then go watch movie and eat sushi buffet! haha isn't that great? dun cry elroy! wahaha...hmm to be more evil, i think i'm going to ask him out too! haha haiz i will still end up giving up most of the time...anyway i hope that this coming wednesday is going to be fun...count as last day to go out le...thursday is still reserved for someone...as for today haha after elroy's appointment, we will be coming back and get ready to go out again...we going to katong there de ktv to sing! woot! why go there? coz its cheap haha...alright! he just called me up...prank him up a little haha -_-'' well guess my days of being a vampire ain't that bad at all :) ...but luckily i'm not...cant bare with this erm...shall stop here le... *well its MORNING AGAIN LIAOZ!!!* *0807 BUY 4D SURE TIO!@* *lol not again..~~..NOT!* *sian...* \| 2:24 AM \| Top well...a night of uncertainties again...reach Dhoby Ghaut mrt station...i was lost again...who's name to engrave...sian end up at PS arcade and play a few rounds of maximum tune...went down to find Guoz after that...it was already 9pm plus...hmm after he close de shop, went to carpark to take his bike...haha end up got to go back to his shop again coz he left his helmet at his shop...anyway, we went to 72 tonight for some drinks...haha when we reach, saw taufiq, joshua and one of his fren...taufiq then come over and try to ride Guoz bike end up BUANG~~LOL he lost balance and went straight the a car that was parked there earlier LOL lucky for him not to bang into oncoming taffic...oh well he was minor injured but the bike haiz...but still and ride but the have to do some alignment and touch up some part as it was crack some where...well i still like that place as always :) relax and chilling~~~was watching tennis and then pool competition! woot!! i just love that place... zzz got 1 thai gay just sit beside me and started a converstion with me... *thai gal: hey! how r u? still rmb me??* *me: erm...ya...* *thai gal: why? u dun rmb me??* *me: no. coz i haven been here for a week or so...* *she then start to look at me strangely and pour some martell* *she then cheers my cup...i follow up* *she's good looking but i just couldn't be bother* *after that she went off...then another thai gal come...* *this one look more sexy...but eee er...* *thai gal 2: hi! (to guoz then me) saying sawadicap~~* *me: SAWADICAP~~* *thai gal2: cheers!* *zzz she then start to get closer and closer to me...* *and her hand just happen to touch my zzz argh~~~* *she apologies...* i was thinking if she erm well, "accidentally" touch the second time, i will sure change my seats zzz but all end up to be just fine...i just wanna enjoy my day but its alright la...we are guys after all :) well we slack there till 1am and we left...joshua fetch me home so that Guoz dun have to worry abt his bike that much...haiz reach home just to find out something heartening...angry though...i hate guys who cheat and fuckers...com'on la treat gals better can??!...before u start something, u shud think twice zzz now i can see another gloomy star already...well i got to tell myself that i have to be far away from her as she find me irritating...sobs but i just couldn't...zzz i have to stop here...if not, another compo again...but i have an irritating feeling now...needle like poking my heart...and its getting painful day by day... *Monday, 8th June 09* *blog @ 0305hrs* Sunday, June 7, 2009 \| 7:59 PM \| Top *well i think i've decided...who will be de name...think i'm gonna live with it waiting for that day like and belive that one day she will return...gotta bounce...bye* *town time!* *night life rock!* *not again~~NOT!* \| 5:24 PM \| Top ...yesterday totally cant slp...stay up till around 5am then really try to slp...before that i was watching Criss Angel at 3.30am...wake up at 2pm...eat lunch and head back here bendemeer...now going to get ready for town :) ...dunno why feel so sian...kuku! dun think too much!! haha... ... *Sunday, 7th June 09* *blog @ 1726hrs* Saturday, June 6, 2009 \| 7:32 AM \| Top ah!! window xp is still de best...vista prove to be fussy so i wont be using vista anymore coz some of the game is really incompatible with vista...problematic right? i was trying vista out hmm thought it was cool at first but still proven that it sux..i shall wait for window 7 :)...hmm right! dunno still want to do my comp or go slp first...tml maybe meeting hui shi early in de morning YAWN~~~hope i can get up be4 she call coz i'm slping in the same room with my aunt when i'm at punggol...well i got to do my things first then...will update on hmm maybe tuesday night bah...coz dunno wad time will our meeting end...scary u know? we can meet at night and all the way to next day evening...haiz if i can have a gf who is like this won't it better? ai ya for long also will sian de la; that wad most ppl will say hmm i wonder... MORNING LIAOZ!!! blog @ 0737hrs BUY 4D!!! SURE TIO! \| 2:37 AM \| Top *all i can do now is smoke...* *see puffs of smoke floating away like empty promises i've made...* *will one ever forget the tenderness and gentleness ones gave?...* *its like a privileges that nvr ask for anything in return but just a simple love...* *i can only blame myself for not doing the best in everything...* *maybe she's right; i'm a hypocrite indeed... ~_~;;* *i gave it a try and take upon this responsibility but i failed to do so...* *i felt so rejected afterwards but then i still press on for a purpose...* *but it seems so "double sided blade"...* *i thought that i've thought through but i was wrong...* *had been wondering around for months and i'm just lying to myself...* *i've always known that by lying to myself, i will feel better but thats selfish...* *luckily i nvr play too much and really went over board...* *maybe i'm just trying to find her in her...* *guess i'm right to say that i dun wan to betray this friendship we had now in her...* *she's attached while i'm waiting for them to break ( so impatiently ) is not me...* *i'm so confuse now i think its becoz i just break up with someone and i'm seeing a gal who used to so close to me be4 and is the person who i wanna be...* *sigh...* *i'm just me...* *just when will i stop blogging these...* *i realise that i still miss her very much...* *can i really let go??...* *Saturday, 6th June 09* *blog @ 0325hrs* \| 1:15 AM \| Top boring~~~today's not my day man...plan shattered...anyway i got to meet tiger at town at abt 8pm...went to play pool for awhile then went to play maximum tune...haiz another boring day...now at home burning disc while playing my virtual dj set :)...getting ready to refomat again coz my current os is bugged zzz lots of bug but still useable but~~~its getting my nerves zzz gonna restart everything again :) well i like to do stuff like this :) update later *Saturday, 6th June 09* *blog @ 0128hrs* Friday, June 5, 2009 \| 8:30 AM \| Top just finish watching a thai show...Ong Bak...eh an action "packed" show i shud say? ... dunno wad makes me wanna say this lol but i guess i have to say it...i rmb saying giving up something this and that...well is abt this gal hmm guess she's just treating me as a fren and so i wont cross over unless something big happen...cant belive that i'm soo evil but i guess, love is selfish :) haven slp yet and dun feeling like slping now...thinking abt wad will happen later, tml and the day after...sad thing is that i'm going army if not, at least i'm here to see things through...well wad ur's its urs to take wad not ur's its not then...i shall play my guitar till be4 lunch and head back to punggol for lunch and slp there...i will be going to esplanade today...wear nice nice with my hair styled! lol! i wan to change my frenster pic...my primary pic look soo terrible...like gangsters hmm shud i wear the same shirt? hmm i wonder... i'm gonna change the way i think and speaks...i'm going to be more straight forward...beating around de bush is like Osama Bin Laden video taping himself blah blah blah saying that he wan to bomb this and that...did he? SHUT UP DUDE! get a life...plant something that u can eat but not KAABOOMMM~~~if Obama get kill there, this world is really going to crumble and my life in ns will be a terrible one...oh ya luckily that singapore terrorist get caught already...if not everynight operation very hectic...zz i'm talking this coz i also dunno wad reminded me abt the news i saw in the net... well i'm smoking my last stick and going to buy more later...hope later i can really go and order the things i wanted and i'll be done...my last wish...and i'm going to move forward...just how long can i get emo...for one whole year like wad i used to? haha and ya! happy be-lated birthday to Xingyi! wished u in sms but sorry that i 4got to wish u here :p i'm sorry! haha i did an experiment on my last blog and found out something which seems interesting to me _'' well its nth ^_______^y anyway i'm still not satisfied with this new blog skin but its already a big achievement for me... *hmm just wanted to share a song with u guys here and here is the guitar chords and tabs i'm practicing* *http://www.geocities.com/chen_hanwei/culuv_ghfstab.htm* *and this is the song* *http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oot32QFb_II* ...hope that i can complete this songs be4 i go army and wish that she can sing this song together with me :p WAD A WISHFUL thinking ah haha!...hmm just when will i stop laughing damn...well last but not least...i hope that "someone" is doing just fine...wad she's going through now is just like that person now...like i said...destiny had brought u here and the fate is in ur hand now... *shall stop here...if not i'll be dead!!! haha :p....* *Friday, 5th June 09* *blog @ 0857hrs* \| 6:11 AM \| Top time sure flies...4yrs...just 4yrs...wad will it be after 10yrs??? wad had i been doing the last 10yrs??...wow this is incredible...time sure tells us lots and lots of things...its whether going straight into ur brain or not...enjoy life to the fullest...btw wad am i gonna do later? slp? bathe? dun slp? but go bathe? lol...bathe le play my guitar? or go slp? or go slp after i finish my guitar? i must be joking...i know wad i'm gonna do...i'm just trying to have the feeling of "wad am i gonna do?" that kind of feeling...some time ppl ask questions and ppl answer but had that answer gone into that person's head? the answer is no...that person will only realise the answer when it is too late...every does :) including myself...got to go now...its getting erm...late...as in early haiz...I"M GETTING OLD~~~ Friday, 5th June 09 blog @ 0619hrs Thursday, June 4, 2009 \| 8:06 AM \| Top dun really know wad to say...hmm ya today went to marina square with elroy...haiz shuden had ask him out today...really spoil my mood but its ok la...everyday see him at home so i ask him out lo...haiz he is really a trouble i shud say...when i wan to be alone, i wont ask him out le...on my way home, saw mich at bus stop guess she's on her way home bah...anyway, i got home and play a few rounds of dota with elroy...own the pubs like hell...feel damn shiok! haha about 2am, elroy and guoz came to my house for some farwell party coz i'm going to ns soon...good to have frens like this though...haiz saw wj and he had changed into a totally different person...seems like he has been possess by something...try to talk to him but he just dun wanna say that kind...wadever then...i wan to help but he dun let me...even kel also de same...dun think will be seeing them for the rest of my life le bah...anyway, elroy and guo play at my house till 7am and then they left...later still meeting them for buffet hmm i wonder this "late" already...wad time will they wake up lol! damn...my house now really smell like dust bin already...macdonald and cigarettes smell all over lol! haha i will clean up after i finish blogging... well i was thinking lately that wad it take to be a bastard? hmm 365 days, everyday, every minutes and anywhere now there's ppl doing things like that so wad if i become a bastards too?? no much different i guess...to wait or to be a bastards hmm i wonder...but i will still choose to let go in the end...i will let go if things are setting down already bah...but after all, i still find myself being like a kid...maybe not a kid; its just that i cant really open a topic to chat and be damn quiet with head looking down and dragging my feet...but i know that one day i will walk with heads up and wont be dragging my feet anymore starting from today :)...junwei u are an IDIOT!! haha yap ppl will say that the coming week... Thursday, 4th June 09 blog @ 0834 Wednesday, June 3, 2009 \| 9:43 AM \| Top i'm really puting myself into slp le...abusing medication again...took 4pills this time hope i dun end up in hospital...take care... fading away slowly... i know wad i'm doing so i won't regret... hope when i wake up, i'm still here :) zzz 4pills only...kns :p ^____________________^Y 0945hrs \| 8:49 AM \| Top well i haven slp yet:)i thought i can fall aslp while watching P.s I Love You but it was too touching for me to fall aslp as so my eyes was soo engross to my mornitor...after that, went to play a 15mins of dota and sigh it was a boring one...then haha why am i blogging now??!! haha coz i just realise how to read guitar tabs!!! finally figure it out...haha and finally i can play 關懷方式 GuanHuaiFangShi in pinyin...kk i shall continue at the end of the day or tml le bye~~~ \| 3:39 AM \| Top why izzit always got to be like this?? still not honest and confident towards my true feelings??? what's wrong with me?? why always that i have to wait??? really no confident? not honest enuff??? not sincere enuff??? no...the truth is i scared rejection...coz i feel that i'm not perfect for her that wad makes me end up like that...i think i'm de real devil behind everything...just waiting for everything getting destroyed then will feel satisfied...how to get rid of this devil out from me?? i dun really know but i will do my things very carefully now...think twice be4 i act...btw, i just found myself an "energy giver"...my ex was a traquilizer...hmm think wad i need now is a real toxic so that i can forever in deep slumber...well that day i was thinking that if i really end up in hospital...how? wad will i see? wad will i think of? but that's not all...still thinking of swallowing that whole pack of pills...forget abt wad happen happen last 23months and 6 days ...the real reason i cannot say...i've got to keep it in my heart...and this thing is worsen day by day...before i knew it, i've already fallen quite deep already...no one can save me only one person can...i'm in pain...i'm asking myself why must i wait until now then dare to show my feelings??? why can t i show it EARLIER!!!??? i starting to hate myself lately...heavily depressed...but when i'm with that person, everything changed...i tend to 4get everything but happy...how i wish i could hug her tightly in my arms one day...i'm just so scared that she rejects me...i've planned to do something really stupid...i will post it here when i'm done with it and i promise that this is the 2nd time and the last time i do something so special for someone that special...i dun care how much it cost...i'm gonna throw in wad ever thing i've got and see it done...but the result will be tormenting for me and i knew it...i maybe a beggar, i may have no future but u might nvr know wad will my future comes coz i have big ego...i will complete wad ever wish i had yet to fulfil be4 i go army...coz i know that i will indeed lost contact with that person again and its 4ever... p.s just wanna say sorry to a person down who i let her down de most...just take it as i nvr know you and u nvr know me...i won't bother you anymore and anyone around you...to do that, i need courage and indeed i have...good luck to u and farwell... i can't have 2 person in my mind to stress about coz it will be double the emo i'm getting...one down and only left last one to go...as time goes by i realise that i couldn't live without someone who i can care and love...destiny had lead me here and fate is within my hand...but there isn't much time already...my last resort is to let it go...till then, lies my true freedom again... well ppl here, can say that i'm writing all fake or hypocrite by writing such a "story"...all i can say is wadever la hor... :) but plz no pen pencil and eraser lol! Wednesday, 3rd June 09 blog @ 0413hrs Tuesday, June 2, 2009 \| 5:32 PM \| Top yesterday nvr blog coz whole day and night is with hui shi... sunday night met hui shi at hougang plaze at abt 12mn to play lan... we play till 6am morning and decided to leave for breakfast... went to rivervale plaza de Mac to have breakfast there as its close to her house... chat till 9am and we decided to leave... went to her house there and chat more... abt 11am we decided to go back plaza to buy hair dye and so we did... was waiting at the bus stop and we saw a philipino maid was shouting for help!! went down to see wad happen and i discover that her finger was stuck at the door... open de door and comforted her... she cried quite awhile then gave us her mum's number and so we called... her ah ma came down and see wad happen... we told her the story and also told her that she must be tired... the ah ma told us that they have 2 maid and both like to talk and listen to music at night... they left after saying thank you to us... and we head off to plaza... we went to ntuc market to enjoy air con after we bought our dye... we decided to get a hair cut and so we did... went back to her house, dye and bathe... and LOL we sang hokkien song together! went home at about 5pm and eat my lunch... slp after that... guoz called me at about 9pm plus and ask me whether want to join them at 72 but i rejected them and continue my deep slumber... today wake up at about 11am plus... hui shi call me and told me that she's going to msia today to pass a car key to her BF and came back to singapore and reach home at about 4.30pm... as for tonight hmm...wad will i do and where will i be going...still thinking...maybe i will be going to slack with the merlion again bah haha...btw i'm overdosing medcine again...who cares anyway... Tuesday, 2nd June 09 blog @ 1749hrs	About Me Your profile here!	Affiliates .k a i. . .h i p p o l i c o u s. . .E v o n. . .C k. . .T u l c u S. . .G i N n. . .X i n g y i. . Recent May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 December 2008 January 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 January 2011 Credits Designer:Little-Miss-Wendy Basecode: X X X Icon:Cyworld	Misc Anything extra goes here.
Copyrighted © All Rights Reserved