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Wednesday, June 3, 2009 | 3:39 AM | Top why izzit always got to be like this?? still not honest and confident towards my true feelings??? what's wrong with me?? why always that i have to wait??? really no confident? not honest enuff??? not sincere enuff??? no...the truth is i scared rejection...coz i feel that i'm not perfect for her that wad makes me end up like that...i think i'm de real devil behind everything...just waiting for everything getting destroyed then will feel satisfied...how to get rid of this devil out from me?? i dun really know but i will do my things very carefully now...think twice be4 i act...btw, i just found myself an "energy giver"...my ex was a traquilizer...hmm think wad i need now is a real toxic so that i can forever in deep slumber...well that day i was thinking that if i really end up in hospital...how? wad will i see? wad will i think of? but that's not all...still thinking of swallowing that whole pack of pills...forget abt wad happen happen last 23months and 6 days ...the real reason i cannot say...i've got to keep it in my heart...and this thing is worsen day by day...before i knew it, i've already fallen quite deep already...no one can save me only one person can...i'm in pain...i'm asking myself why must i wait until now then dare to show my feelings??? why can t i show it EARLIER!!!??? i starting to hate myself lately...heavily depressed...but when i'm with that person, everything changed...i tend to 4get everything but happy...how i wish i could hug her tightly in my arms one day...i'm just so scared that she rejects me...i've planned to do something really stupid...i will post it here when i'm done with it and i promise that this is the 2nd time and the last time i do something so special for someone that special...i dun care how much it cost...i'm gonna throw in wad ever thing i've got and see it done...but the result will be tormenting for me and i knew it...i maybe a beggar, i may have no future but u might nvr know wad will my future comes coz i have big ego...i will complete wad ever wish i had yet to fulfil be4 i go army...coz i know that i will indeed lost contact with that person again and its 4ever...
p.s
just wanna say sorry to a person down who i let her down de most...just take it as i nvr know you and u nvr know me...i won't bother you anymore and anyone around you...to do that, i need courage and indeed i have...good luck to u and farwell...
i can't have 2 person in my mind to stress about coz it will be double the emo i'm getting...one down and only left last one to go...as time goes by i realise that i couldn't live without someone who i can care and love...destiny had lead me here and fate is within my hand...but there isn't much time already...my last resort is to let it go...till then, lies my true freedom again...
well ppl here, can say that i'm writing all fake or hypocrite by writing such a "story"...all i can say is wadever la hor... :) but plz no pen pencil and eraser lol!
Wednesday, 3rd June 09
blog @ 0413hrs
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Wednesday, June 3, 2009 | 3:39 AM | Top why izzit always got to be like this?? still not honest and confident towards my true feelings??? what's wrong with me?? why always that i have to wait??? really no confident? not honest enuff??? not sincere enuff??? no...the truth is i scared rejection...coz i feel that i'm not perfect for her that wad makes me end up like that...i think i'm de real devil behind everything...just waiting for everything getting destroyed then will feel satisfied...how to get rid of this devil out from me?? i dun really know but i will do my things very carefully now...think twice be4 i act...btw, i just found myself an "energy giver"...my ex was a traquilizer...hmm think wad i need now is a real toxic so that i can forever in deep slumber...well that day i was thinking that if i really end up in hospital...how? wad will i see? wad will i think of? but that's not all...still thinking of swallowing that whole pack of pills...forget abt wad happen happen last 23months and 6 days ...the real reason i cannot say...i've got to keep it in my heart...and this thing is worsen day by day...before i knew it, i've already fallen quite deep already...no one can save me only one person can...i'm in pain...i'm asking myself why must i wait until now then dare to show my feelings??? why can t i show it EARLIER!!!??? i starting to hate myself lately...heavily depressed...but when i'm with that person, everything changed...i tend to 4get everything but happy...how i wish i could hug her tightly in my arms one day...i'm just so scared that she rejects me...i've planned to do something really stupid...i will post it here when i'm done with it and i promise that this is the 2nd time and the last time i do something so special for someone that special...i dun care how much it cost...i'm gonna throw in wad ever thing i've got and see it done...but the result will be tormenting for me and i knew it...i maybe a beggar, i may have no future but u might nvr know wad will my future comes coz i have big ego...i will complete wad ever wish i had yet to fulfil be4 i go army...coz i know that i will indeed lost contact with that person again and its 4ever...
p.s
just wanna say sorry to a person down who i let her down de most...just take it as i nvr know you and u nvr know me...i won't bother you anymore and anyone around you...to do that, i need courage and indeed i have...good luck to u and farwell...
i can't have 2 person in my mind to stress about coz it will be double the emo i'm getting...one down and only left last one to go...as time goes by i realise that i couldn't live without someone who i can care and love...destiny had lead me here and fate is within my hand...but there isn't much time already...my last resort is to let it go...till then, lies my true freedom again...
well ppl here, can say that i'm writing all fake or hypocrite by writing such a "story"...all i can say is wadever la hor... :) but plz no pen pencil and eraser lol!
Wednesday, 3rd June 09
blog @ 0413hrs
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