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Wednesday, April 8, 2009 | 2:09 AM | Top ~~~it started on 20th April 2007~~~
i finally got home today...for this house i'm staying...feeling colder and colder going to freeze soon...i only have memories of her for this house...other than that its nothing...still asking myself...why?? why am i like this??? i can change but it seems my stubborness had already taken over my soul and body...scared of coming back here after we broken up...really...perhaps wad i had been done is all futile...i know that she sacrifice for me a lot more than i can imagine...but only if i can open up to her more...my heart is still closed and just being naive:) just hope for the better i guess? no...i'm just self delusionizing...seriously up to this point, looking at my comp and everything i had now...only if i can do more for her than my computer, just more than wad i treasure now(perhaps my computer...obsession)then i can move on...i'm just being selfish...too selfish i shud say...i had been thinking that izzit really i love her more or just that i love myself more...but the truth is that, YES i haven gave enuff and or a NO...i gave a proportion of myself...well wad's been done cannot undone...i just wan to belive and the truth is that i once let the person i love the most down...in fact ALWAYS...this is just sooo sad...junwei, why why why why why whyy whyw hyw hwy???? too many regrets till i cant breath...but i still wan to belive that she hurts more than i do now...so for us to drift apart might be infact, the most critical solution...i knew its been my fault always but . . . . feeling the pain now:) cant eat cant slp but i somehow know that time will still move on no matter how i'm feeling now...i finally realise that just time, it wasn't enuff...wads sufficient is feeling towards someone and to open up and to give who ever u love...everything...maybe i still not good enuff to be anyones' bf this is so sad...i yearn for love and its in front of me yet nvr treasure...but still tresure the most loveable moment together with her:) when we are together, nth can really explain that feeling... u know? going out with the gal u love? hehe this is just sooo sweet:) but like i say...i'm too stubborn:(...negative? no...its stubborn:)...i had nth left to move on only a dead shell with no megazines to reload...i will still become the same old me...doing the things that shuden do...its a taboo but promises still have to be kept deep and make it happen one day:) i just need time to heal and i wish that she live happier than ever after we leave each other:) i wish that she can break lose of wad thats had been tying her up this yrs and wish that she find a guy who can really treat her better than me(EHHH buay hiao bite) haha baby,(this is the last time i'll will be calling her that) baby, i'll just know that u are happy as for now and the future and hmm ---blank--- be happy ok? dun worry abt me:) i just want u to be happy and i'll be satisfied:) i know it takes time and i will be a better man in the future:) and until that day, i hope it isn't to late or too soon... i will still quietly wish for ur happiness...i wont do stupid things ok? but using a penknife to shave...lol! need a real shaver real soon...i will still blog and i hope that u r the one here to see wad i have wrote with my stories haha! i promise...i wont leave the one i most alone anymore... ...but if u wanna cry! cry in my shoulder! haha i still rmb that song and the "how did i fall in love with u"...thats the most memorial song i have ever knew thx to u:) well will share my love around once i'm getting better...i have a feeling that i'm gonna fall sick this few days haha luckily i nvr went to eat ROJAK haha if not i think i will be hospitalise some where in town haha! (if u read the news abt the geylang serai rojak food poisoning stall)... haha i still as "lor soh" as i am right? haha and a cry baby too:) just hope that everything will change in the future:) how abt i change my nick to "changedme" in the future when i'm really changed? haha! learn that from u de haha! baby, the puzzle i bought for u, i will finish it in due time and pass it to u...u can throw away or wad:) i'm just scared that ur parent will nag haha! coz its just too big for ur room! haha-_-'' alright...time to say abt wad i've done for today...today i meet a fren name hui xi...she's a buddy to me haha perhaps something more in the pass but thats de pass la hor...coz this few week she had been feeling down for some reason...and plus i jsut broken up with my gf and i couldn't really stay put in my place so i decided to meet her and some more the frens i have just wont pick up my call zzz the only fren is currently in ns and the other one is like handicap la...(elroy..ops!)...went to her work place and help her lady boss on the internet problem(NOT AGAIN!!)*sigh*after that, went to meet her bf's sister and one of her guy fren...sit down and drank 5 bottles of carlsberg hmm think i miss count...was really drunk(ops!) just keep chatting and i'm like the entertainer there lol despite wad i've gone through but until we went to a playground to slack, i couldn't take it...fall to the ground and just stunt there lol! they known wad happen and one by one come over and *preach* me...lol really cant take it anymore, i cried...non stop...by knowing its my fault, i couldn't stop...for 1hr? nah...i'm even more sad sitting here typing...for today...i couldn't eat and for the pass few days i couldn't slp...i knew something would happen but how to avoid it yet it seems inevitable to me! just to blame myself for everything...yea right i'm emo but oh well...time is everything i need and i wont let time push me...i will change and i will make time! and ya hui xi's lady boss and her boss are good ppl...i might get a job there but its like another odd job only if i'm qualify for their admin work which seems to have suficient ppl there sad...haha but dun worry...wad gone is forever gone...i love u for who u r but reality just couldn't bare us...i will change that...i'm masterwei LOL i just hope that i still can see her for the rest of my life...or just to watch her secrectly from behind and i will be satisfied...wad can i do? as for now i'll struggle to get out of this life for good and push hard forward...some time still will feel sad though infact for the rest of my life...but ifs there's a chance, this time i will really...kk enuff talk...i still have to wake up early for their hand made breakfast...but dunno i can slp or not leh sian...maybe wad i really need is to confide god...maybe that's where my salvation lies...only if i couldn't do it alone la...coz for me to go church...its commitment...and ya...i will nvr let anyone pay for anything...i will do things within my reach and with confident...like for example marriage...if in the mere yrs...still no money...i wont drag anyone with me de...i will change in fact its changing and the result hmm take yrs? after ns? I WAN TO BE IN NEWSPAPER FRONT PAGE!!!! as a really great person...not for anyone but me, myself and for the person deep in side my heart...it will nvr change:) even for my first ex...i see her now how happy she is and though in the pass, we diden really has any conflict...i just realise why she broken up with me last yr when i first saw her after merely 4 yrs...things change..ppl change...but the only thing that will nvr change is time:) though it will lag by one second some time haha...WOW! this is my first time in yrs i have typed so many! haha just to be happy...maybe LY will find it disturbing but this will be the last emo post...just hope to see she update her blog from time to time...like she said...one day if i do better, she might come back to my side again...i will live with that ideal of wad she wan coz i belive that there's no one out there is better than LY IS! coz i very sure! if i can live up to her expectation haha i might find a better one? so this is my msg to u~~~haha starting from today, dun say i'm negative! haha ever! i'm just being stubborn:)haha its a joke... hope u dun take it too seriously plz?? haha and ya tml playing badminton also...actually i'm sooo looking forward to this day but thing changed hmm...after that i will be going clubbing with hui xi and her frens...and baby this is my last msg as a bf to u but plz dun puke ok coz its been inside my heart for days so listen yea?...miss u badly...wanted to see u and meet up and go out shopping and catch a movie with u...and i already plan something on our anniversary le...its really ok actaully coz for money issue i have my ways...wad we had been quarrelling on the last week...i just really dunno why i said that...i'm sorry for everything ok just be happy:)muacks!(end) a good bye kiss isn't bad right? this is all i wanted but u said that u couldn't face me...isn't it sad? kk my last msg to u ends here and tonight...with all the memories and ... bye and take care...
~~~it ends tonight 6th April 2009~~~
blog @ 0349hrs On the Wednesday 8th April 2009
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Wednesday, April 8, 2009 | 2:09 AM | Top ~~~it started on 20th April 2007~~~
i finally got home today...for this house i'm staying...feeling colder and colder going to freeze soon...i only have memories of her for this house...other than that its nothing...still asking myself...why?? why am i like this??? i can change but it seems my stubborness had already taken over my soul and body...scared of coming back here after we broken up...really...perhaps wad i had been done is all futile...i know that she sacrifice for me a lot more than i can imagine...but only if i can open up to her more...my heart is still closed and just being naive:) just hope for the better i guess? no...i'm just self delusionizing...seriously up to this point, looking at my comp and everything i had now...only if i can do more for her than my computer, just more than wad i treasure now(perhaps my computer...obsession)then i can move on...i'm just being selfish...too selfish i shud say...i had been thinking that izzit really i love her more or just that i love myself more...but the truth is that, YES i haven gave enuff and or a NO...i gave a proportion of myself...well wad's been done cannot undone...i just wan to belive and the truth is that i once let the person i love the most down...in fact ALWAYS...this is just sooo sad...junwei, why why why why why whyy whyw hyw hwy???? too many regrets till i cant breath...but i still wan to belive that she hurts more than i do now...so for us to drift apart might be infact, the most critical solution...i knew its been my fault always but . . . . feeling the pain now:) cant eat cant slp but i somehow know that time will still move on no matter how i'm feeling now...i finally realise that just time, it wasn't enuff...wads sufficient is feeling towards someone and to open up and to give who ever u love...everything...maybe i still not good enuff to be anyones' bf this is so sad...i yearn for love and its in front of me yet nvr treasure...but still tresure the most loveable moment together with her:) when we are together, nth can really explain that feeling... u know? going out with the gal u love? hehe this is just sooo sweet:) but like i say...i'm too stubborn:(...negative? no...its stubborn:)...i had nth left to move on only a dead shell with no megazines to reload...i will still become the same old me...doing the things that shuden do...its a taboo but promises still have to be kept deep and make it happen one day:) i just need time to heal and i wish that she live happier than ever after we leave each other:) i wish that she can break lose of wad thats had been tying her up this yrs and wish that she find a guy who can really treat her better than me(EHHH buay hiao bite) haha baby,(this is the last time i'll will be calling her that) baby, i'll just know that u are happy as for now and the future and hmm ---blank--- be happy ok? dun worry abt me:) i just want u to be happy and i'll be satisfied:) i know it takes time and i will be a better man in the future:) and until that day, i hope it isn't to late or too soon... i will still quietly wish for ur happiness...i wont do stupid things ok? but using a penknife to shave...lol! need a real shaver real soon...i will still blog and i hope that u r the one here to see wad i have wrote with my stories haha! i promise...i wont leave the one i most alone anymore... ...but if u wanna cry! cry in my shoulder! haha i still rmb that song and the "how did i fall in love with u"...thats the most memorial song i have ever knew thx to u:) well will share my love around once i'm getting better...i have a feeling that i'm gonna fall sick this few days haha luckily i nvr went to eat ROJAK haha if not i think i will be hospitalise some where in town haha! (if u read the news abt the geylang serai rojak food poisoning stall)... haha i still as "lor soh" as i am right? haha and a cry baby too:) just hope that everything will change in the future:) how abt i change my nick to "changedme" in the future when i'm really changed? haha! learn that from u de haha! baby, the puzzle i bought for u, i will finish it in due time and pass it to u...u can throw away or wad:) i'm just scared that ur parent will nag haha! coz its just too big for ur room! haha-_-'' alright...time to say abt wad i've done for today...today i meet a fren name hui xi...she's a buddy to me haha perhaps something more in the pass but thats de pass la hor...coz this few week she had been feeling down for some reason...and plus i jsut broken up with my gf and i couldn't really stay put in my place so i decided to meet her and some more the frens i have just wont pick up my call zzz the only fren is currently in ns and the other one is like handicap la...(elroy..ops!)...went to her work place and help her lady boss on the internet problem(NOT AGAIN!!)*sigh*after that, went to meet her bf's sister and one of her guy fren...sit down and drank 5 bottles of carlsberg hmm think i miss count...was really drunk(ops!) just keep chatting and i'm like the entertainer there lol despite wad i've gone through but until we went to a playground to slack, i couldn't take it...fall to the ground and just stunt there lol! they known wad happen and one by one come over and *preach* me...lol really cant take it anymore, i cried...non stop...by knowing its my fault, i couldn't stop...for 1hr? nah...i'm even more sad sitting here typing...for today...i couldn't eat and for the pass few days i couldn't slp...i knew something would happen but how to avoid it yet it seems inevitable to me! just to blame myself for everything...yea right i'm emo but oh well...time is everything i need and i wont let time push me...i will change and i will make time! and ya hui xi's lady boss and her boss are good ppl...i might get a job there but its like another odd job only if i'm qualify for their admin work which seems to have suficient ppl there sad...haha but dun worry...wad gone is forever gone...i love u for who u r but reality just couldn't bare us...i will change that...i'm masterwei LOL i just hope that i still can see her for the rest of my life...or just to watch her secrectly from behind and i will be satisfied...wad can i do? as for now i'll struggle to get out of this life for good and push hard forward...some time still will feel sad though infact for the rest of my life...but ifs there's a chance, this time i will really...kk enuff talk...i still have to wake up early for their hand made breakfast...but dunno i can slp or not leh sian...maybe wad i really need is to confide god...maybe that's where my salvation lies...only if i couldn't do it alone la...coz for me to go church...its commitment...and ya...i will nvr let anyone pay for anything...i will do things within my reach and with confident...like for example marriage...if in the mere yrs...still no money...i wont drag anyone with me de...i will change in fact its changing and the result hmm take yrs? after ns? I WAN TO BE IN NEWSPAPER FRONT PAGE!!!! as a really great person...not for anyone but me, myself and for the person deep in side my heart...it will nvr change:) even for my first ex...i see her now how happy she is and though in the pass, we diden really has any conflict...i just realise why she broken up with me last yr when i first saw her after merely 4 yrs...things change..ppl change...but the only thing that will nvr change is time:) though it will lag by one second some time haha...WOW! this is my first time in yrs i have typed so many! haha just to be happy...maybe LY will find it disturbing but this will be the last emo post...just hope to see she update her blog from time to time...like she said...one day if i do better, she might come back to my side again...i will live with that ideal of wad she wan coz i belive that there's no one out there is better than LY IS! coz i very sure! if i can live up to her expectation haha i might find a better one? so this is my msg to u~~~haha starting from today, dun say i'm negative! haha ever! i'm just being stubborn:)haha its a joke... hope u dun take it too seriously plz?? haha and ya tml playing badminton also...actually i'm sooo looking forward to this day but thing changed hmm...after that i will be going clubbing with hui xi and her frens...and baby this is my last msg as a bf to u but plz dun puke ok coz its been inside my heart for days so listen yea?...miss u badly...wanted to see u and meet up and go out shopping and catch a movie with u...and i already plan something on our anniversary le...its really ok actaully coz for money issue i have my ways...wad we had been quarrelling on the last week...i just really dunno why i said that...i'm sorry for everything ok just be happy:)muacks!(end) a good bye kiss isn't bad right? this is all i wanted but u said that u couldn't face me...isn't it sad? kk my last msg to u ends here and tonight...with all the memories and ... bye and take care...
~~~it ends tonight 6th April 2009~~~
blog @ 0349hrs On the Wednesday 8th April 2009
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