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Saturday, January 12, 2008 | 5:05 AM | Top my ugly side, underneath my mask... i use to think that i'm not that kind of person but the problem now proved that i'm actually is that kind of person... wad person? selfish, jealous, self pity, shy, etc... i really dun have any self confident but why? coz of the way my family brought me up and the limits of my height that makes me like that... and wad more? i can really say words that make ppl hate me that much... maybe i'm a devil? think too much boy... maybe i'm still immature and still childish in a way... i really wanna break away from this kind of cycle...how?? someone plz help me... i'm far more worse now, really dunno who i am... i'm now back in the abyss ready to be eaten by darkness again but there's light shining inside still despite the height from where i let loose off from her... why all this?? coz i'm the one letting loose off my fingers one by one from her, stupid aye? build too much flame will burn yourselves someday thats the lesson i learn in this scenario... actually i cant ask for help now coz if i dun get up and climb back up now, no body is going to help me... there's glimps of hope right now so dun disappoint me now... my bad habit was to think negatively and can be real emo some time... and play with my own thinking and my own feelings... own feeling is not like wad you think, its actually like for example; i tell my self that i'm not hungry but actually i am hungry that kind... and the other kind is to oppose other's ppl idea and thinking though i know that they are right... all these might be an excuse but i'm sure is changing real fast... i that type of guy that will really learn from mistake if there's a second chance... but i hate second chance... why? once a thing that happens once, it will happen again... right? haiz i'm so pathetic... i really hate myself some time but i dunno why i hate myself that much than hating other's in fact the ppl that i hate really bring pain in my life and that makes me even more pain... like being used or betray by some one close to you... like one of my god bro though he is 1 year younger than me... why? i respect him like i respect every single fren i have... there's many bad point about me... in fact way too many... the most bad ones is like lack of self confident and hating myself... baby, i say this just to let you know my little secrets that was hidden in my heart... can you change me? haha but i'll try to change myself first... seriously all this years i've been living with regrets... shud i take back or shud i let it go? it all depend on me le... dun wanna have any regret be4 ppl hating me... i guess i got too much thoughts inside me... how shud i let it loose leh? any idea? hehe i would like to hear it from anyone of you that read my blog haha... eh other than drunk or drug, the rest shud be okay for me... anyway, i must face the real me now... no more nagetice thoughts... i'm f r e e ~~~ haha after talking to baby awhile really make my heart bumps real fast... just now was so anxious... scared that she will say something but end up never... i feel so releive and happy that the first things she said is "baby, i miss you so much"... i did really miss you too... and baby, from now on, i'll try not to oppose my own thoughts and i'll say the things i want to say ok? i love you~~~muacks! eh baby, can you tell me secretly? wad actually you did be4 you hang up the phone that night i mean just now? hehe haiz baby, this few weeks had been not myself and i'm very sorry to let things happens until like that... know wad dear, we are about to step into chapter 2 le you know? just few steps ahead... i try to grab back your worm hand again ok? i read your blog and i was like oh no! i've been black listed lol... wa~~~about to 6am liaoz... blog next time bah... wanna join baby at lala land le... baby, the real thing is that i just miss you badly... 8 more days to our 9th month... good luck to us...5:46am/0546hrs
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Saturday, January 12, 2008 | 5:05 AM | Top my ugly side, underneath my mask... i use to think that i'm not that kind of person but the problem now proved that i'm actually is that kind of person... wad person? selfish, jealous, self pity, shy, etc... i really dun have any self confident but why? coz of the way my family brought me up and the limits of my height that makes me like that... and wad more? i can really say words that make ppl hate me that much... maybe i'm a devil? think too much boy... maybe i'm still immature and still childish in a way... i really wanna break away from this kind of cycle...how?? someone plz help me... i'm far more worse now, really dunno who i am... i'm now back in the abyss ready to be eaten by darkness again but there's light shining inside still despite the height from where i let loose off from her... why all this?? coz i'm the one letting loose off my fingers one by one from her, stupid aye? build too much flame will burn yourselves someday thats the lesson i learn in this scenario... actually i cant ask for help now coz if i dun get up and climb back up now, no body is going to help me... there's glimps of hope right now so dun disappoint me now... my bad habit was to think negatively and can be real emo some time... and play with my own thinking and my own feelings... own feeling is not like wad you think, its actually like for example; i tell my self that i'm not hungry but actually i am hungry that kind... and the other kind is to oppose other's ppl idea and thinking though i know that they are right... all these might be an excuse but i'm sure is changing real fast... i that type of guy that will really learn from mistake if there's a second chance... but i hate second chance... why? once a thing that happens once, it will happen again... right? haiz i'm so pathetic... i really hate myself some time but i dunno why i hate myself that much than hating other's in fact the ppl that i hate really bring pain in my life and that makes me even more pain... like being used or betray by some one close to you... like one of my god bro though he is 1 year younger than me... why? i respect him like i respect every single fren i have... there's many bad point about me... in fact way too many... the most bad ones is like lack of self confident and hating myself... baby, i say this just to let you know my little secrets that was hidden in my heart... can you change me? haha but i'll try to change myself first... seriously all this years i've been living with regrets... shud i take back or shud i let it go? it all depend on me le... dun wanna have any regret be4 ppl hating me... i guess i got too much thoughts inside me... how shud i let it loose leh? any idea? hehe i would like to hear it from anyone of you that read my blog haha... eh other than drunk or drug, the rest shud be okay for me... anyway, i must face the real me now... no more nagetice thoughts... i'm f r e e ~~~ haha after talking to baby awhile really make my heart bumps real fast... just now was so anxious... scared that she will say something but end up never... i feel so releive and happy that the first things she said is "baby, i miss you so much"... i did really miss you too... and baby, from now on, i'll try not to oppose my own thoughts and i'll say the things i want to say ok? i love you~~~muacks! eh baby, can you tell me secretly? wad actually you did be4 you hang up the phone that night i mean just now? hehe haiz baby, this few weeks had been not myself and i'm very sorry to let things happens until like that... know wad dear, we are about to step into chapter 2 le you know? just few steps ahead... i try to grab back your worm hand again ok? i read your blog and i was like oh no! i've been black listed lol... wa~~~about to 6am liaoz... blog next time bah... wanna join baby at lala land le... baby, the real thing is that i just miss you badly... 8 more days to our 9th month... good luck to us...5:46am/0546hrs
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